Me, My Life and My Blog..

2006-09-28T20:15:00.000+08:00

changed my blog to http://th3-l0n3r-0f-h3ll.blogspot.com . it's like a hidden blog a long time ago. but i changed it so that ah yin yin can see. hahax. sorriex peepx for inconvenience caused. it's only the link's that's different. otherwise, i kept everything much the same. yupx.

2006-09-27T19:17:00.000+08:00

hmmm. got chided early in the morning by linghui=( 'cause i added lotsa chilli to my yong tau foo and then the previous night i had chilli crab cup noodles for dinner. all spicy spicy which is my favourite but cost me my health. woke up with an extremely bad throat swelling. even swallowing saliva hurts. T.T no gloating. anyway, went to see the doc and i waited for like one hour before it's my turn. i was suppose to meet 'ah chou' at 950 but i ended up reaching the mrt station at 1015. sorry 'ah chou'!! hee. was late le. had to miss the dance practice at phs today. i was like the living dead. a zombie. rah! =.=

went to cca drive today and signed up for two other clubs. got scolded by my parents for joining more than one when i don't even have the time. wahaha. *guffaws*. no choice. wanted try something new. then spent my time in the choir room. i'm suppose to be at home resting but waited for edwin so yupx. oh well. joyce left when i wasn't around=( awwww. sadded. lolx. felt cold all the time today. pretty lame. tomorrow's first lesson's pacc tutorial. i'll get back the mid-session test's result. oh my god. panic. dot dot dotx. to keep quiet and not talk much is a torture to me. and i had to speak softer than usual. *roll eyes*. the japanese report was so flawless. apparently people who has a thing for perfection just do such flawless stuff. aw man. right, that's about it. NOT LONG liao worx. hahax. take care=)

2006-09-25T23:08:00.000+08:00

i'm so so zonked out. i'm not supposed to be online but due to some stupid japanese project, i'm here. so ta daa=.=

today's a bad day for many people. you can see it from the faces of peepx around. i'm like so sensitive and paranoid that i start thinking i've made them mad. *roll eyes*. told joyce about it. so throw face me. did pretty lotsa throw face stuff anywayx. funny part is that my horoscope for the day says that i'll give bad attitude to people around me. so maybe that's why i got so crazy about that. hmmm.

not good so not good. first day of school and things just keep going wrong. haix. morning found out during itab that matthew had the highest gpa in our class. i'm wowed. practically he's good but i just cant understand how he juggles his time as he oftens states that he don't have time to do so many stuff. stumped.

japanese project is due on this coming friday and right now, i'm rushing to complete the bloody report so as to send it to some nice group member whom weixin and i cant meet up with due to our different timetables. but anywayx, frankly speaking, i don't really enjoy doing projects with people who seeks perfection and just kind of demanding. basically, i'm one lazy girl but i'm not a freeloader. rest assure.

my head was throbbing by the time i went for statistic lecture. i so miss the lecturer. to think my econs lecturer's gonna be my GEMS lecturer=.= oh well. hope she won't teach as 'fast'. there's suddenly so much to do and i'm like. my whole daily pattern has to change. rahx! hmmm. lamed.

today's cca drive. okiex lorx. but quite pointless. i don't really know what to do. i mean we cant even do anything. i see a wide berth in between the peepx and the booth =(
choir was nice today. only that many people were feeling down 'cause of personal stuff. suddenly had to do practice after lagging for so long. cant keep up. zzz. but, it was a good day catching up with jas min. i love her loads!! hahax. apparently she's in a state of highness as she cant stop laughing. at least i really feel relaxed when someone's laughing. dotx. joannah bought me a small kinda pouch that has hellokitty for its design. bet weixin's jealous. hahax. joking.

went to buy udon today. the meatless udon. and the aunty actually remembered me!! OH MY GOD. shrugx. then we saw supercute today. the most embarrassing thing was that i didn't know he was walking towards the drink stall. xin xin, yin yin and me were standing at the jap food stall. xin xin said too bad he's not sitting there anymore and i turned only to come face to face with supercute. i think he knew long ago that we've been noticing him. i tend to start laughing. contagious laughter. i spoilt everything for them=( kekex. first day of school with so much happenings. wonder what the rest of the semester will be like. shrugx.oh well.

to you 1: i know i don't always tell you what happened whenever something happened between me and him. so when today something happened to you, i really felt helpless and sad. i cant do anything to make things better. sorriex =(

to you 2 & you 3: i'm glad to know you. you showed me what having fun's all about. laughing and joking. and being so sociable. hahax. thanks alot.

to you 4: i've no hard feelings, i don't mean to say all this but i really have to. i don't pass all my piano exams on my first attempt. i failed for several grades before. everyone has high expectations for themselves. i did. when i failed my grade 8, i was totally devastated. i mean it's the last grade and then.. you get the idea. i was never good in music. not really. i had good times and bad times. theory is the worse of the lot. i totally loathe theories. that's why i never do well in them. i envy people who can play the piano so well, who pass their practicals and theories with merit or distinction. yeahx. true from the heart. the exam fees cost alot i know and i understand it's hard to break the news to your parents. but unlike yours, i have mine posted to my house and so my parents usually got to know before i do. maybe it seems easier this way as you won't have to break the news to them but the disappointment is still there. don't give up!! you can try again. yeahx!! hahax. i'm retaking my theory this oct and i can guarantee that i'll fail as i've not done preparations. hahax. lousy me. i'm not good with words so i've no idea what to tell you. all i want to say is that you're not alone and you still can practise all over againx. but i cant. if i fail this round, i won't get the chance to take the paper againx though i'm still not doing anything about it 'cause i totally detest studying. i think my teacher has even given up hope liaox. hahax. at least yours didn't. so take care and smilex=)

love you peepx loads!! take care and don't worrie too much. or you'll become like me!! wahahax. okie okiex not funny. it's lame. it's crap. bullshit. lolx. ciaox.

2006-09-24T13:06:00.000+08:00

Friday: choir farewell party for the sec 4e5n at mrs wong's place. apparently we didn't get the chance to go explore her house. hahax. hmmm. was meeting the alumni members at the mrt station around 5. went watch "haunted apartments" with edwin at yishun's GV. there was a total of 10 peepx. hahax. dotted. but anywayx, the show was kinda dumb. yes, the whole building was haunted by a schoolgirl who turned out to have been raped by her father but nobody knew. then a young girl, aimi, came to live there with her father and blah blah blah. in the end, she released the tenants from the dreadful curse that she lifted upon the revealing of the truth of what happened to the dead girl. aimi was in the same predicament and the story ends with her staying by the side of the skeleton of the dead girl=.= quite dotx. hahax. not very scary though. later on went walk walk walk. then got bored. stuck with wanqi, lilian and joyce the whole time i was at the party. didn't seem to be able to click with anyone, judging from how detached i got myself. then they annouced the newly appointed committee members. audrey teo being the chairman, laurel and clarissa as vice. after 3 years under the lead of male chairmans. we finally got a female chairperson. wahahax. lovely ending.

regarding SPC, i heard that there wasn't anyone. so one group was at bukit something playing badminton the other went to suntec. shrugx. i'm kinda disappointed that choir no longer seem so appealing. in the past, i would be looking forward to going to choir. but now, there's only a few who make efforts to come for choir. hope things will turn for the better in the new sem=) yeahx. thinking of having an extra cca. hmmm. ungrateful me. lolx.
oh edwin touched me with just a small gesture of his, he came back to amk all the way from suntec to send me home after the party even though he was tired and the last bus would have left and he would have to walk and what nots. thanks dear dearx!! >.<

saturday: went to the nice hairdresser aunties salon. where they saw me grow up. from their shop at my block to central then to chong pang. rightx. they are used to the state of our hair that they would know what's best for us. alas, all good things must come to an end. it's time i switch hairdressers. my fringe has been reduced to a state in which i described as a bad fringe day to me=( saddening. oh well, mum misinterpreted what i wanted and so that's the end of my fringe. stupid laments. hahax. just lamed right now so i had to find something to crap about.

not in the best of moods lately. things aren't going the way we expect them to. what to say, life is unpredicatable. if things can go the way you want them to, you're lucky. if not, you can just take things in your stride. oh man, got to have the cca drive thing. school reopens. and holidays end. still have to go back to phs for the concert practices. having gems too. woahx. nice to wish you'll have more time on hand. shrugx. pathetic. k, that's about it ba. cant remember what else to write. or i choose not to write.

2006-09-20T11:44:00.000+08:00

single, taken or crushing?
taken

are you happy with your life now?
no

when you meet the right person, do you fall in love with him/her fast?
no

have you ever had your heart broken?
yes

do you believe that there are some circumstances where cheating love is acceptable?
no

would you take someone back if he cheats on you?
no, if he is not repentant or did something that is extremely unforgiveable.

have you ever talked about marriage with another before?
yes

do you want children?
yes

how many?
two, one boy and one girl

would you ever consider adoption?
no, unless i have to

if someone likes you right now, what do you think is the best way to let you know his/her feelings?
no idea. it depends on whether the person wants to say it out or not

do you enjoy getting into relationship?
both yes and no

be honest, what is the furtherest thing you and your ex did?
kiss

do you believe in love at first sight?
perhaps

are you romantic?
maybe

do you believe you can change someone?
no

if you could get married somewhere, where would it be?
on a beach

do you give in easily when you are fighting?
no

do you have feelings for someone right now?
duh

do you ever wish that you could have someone but you messed it up?
yes

have you ever broken a heart?
yes

if one day your best friend falls in love with the person you are deeply in love with, what'll you do?
talk things out with her, our friendship will be stronger.

are you missing someone now?
duh

Now, you have to ask 5 of your friends to do this survey in their blogs. Write down their names in the list below. Tag them in their blogs to let them know.

1. Ling Hui
2. Zi Wei
3. Kai Yin
4. Allena
5. Robin

2006-09-19T10:49:00.000+08:00

dumbest thing sia. yesterday was so horribly terribly pathetic. is it due to it being the hols? oh my god. hmmm. went PHS for the HSM practice. slow motion's fine but when we had to dance along to the soundtrack i couldn't coordinate my limbs. zzz. but i like the whole dance. awesome worx. lolx. and we're suppose to perform it on friday for the farewell party. i'm such a klutz and i'm not even sure i can make it for thursday's practice. if i'm part of the event on friday, i really need to pray hard that i won't go wrong. i just love choir. hahax. saw so many unfamiliar faces. can see that i'm so outta touch with UVPHS. hmmm. oh well.

then i rushed to SP for choir practice. took the train with geraline. there we were, trying to go through the steps again. only to reach home to forget the dance movements for the verses. fainted. people were like looking at us with raised eyebrows. hahax. question marks all over. dotted. then i took the long long journey to dover. i reached there, went into the room. and was WOWed by the attendance. lolx. for girls, there was only me and nicole. fainted. and there was only a small group of guys. zzz. then nicole and i started going through the two scores till i'm so sick of it. then we practised our breathing. i'm so ashame of myself. that i cant even hold for that long. nicole deserves a round of applause *clap clap clap*. then we did vocal warm-ups and nothing much.

alvin called it a day. yupx. walked home, eating strawberry sundae on an empty stomach. dotx. oh nicole, i shall try to stop using that much of the hahax, ermx, yupx, lolx, etc. i think gonna change the template soon. you cant see my font right? sadded. k, that's about it. i'm so infatuated with high school musical!!! woohoo!! tata=)

2006-09-14T11:39:00.000+08:00

backtracking to 11 september: our class chalet!!! WOOHOO!! very the fun. hahax. okiex. even though there weren't many peepx who came la. ermx. maybe half the class? shrugx. anywayx. met linghui around 2 like that. at first thought either one of us will be late but we turn out to be punctual. lolx. then reached pasir ris around 3 plus. we tricked kaiyin that we've arrived when we were still at city hall waiting for the train. lolx. then went whitesands walk walk around the first floor. hahax. they arrived around 4 like that. then we took the bus to the chalet la. meanwhile, they were discussing about what to play and stuff. when it came to my turn, i replied: don't know how to ride bike, don't know how to play daidi, blah blah blah. i think so la. if never remember wrongly. wahahax. then they "scold" me. 'cause i'm like noob at alot of things ma. lolx. then we reached le walk until very long long then reached the chalet. one level only. wahahax. very 'cosy' ma. shrugx. then they decided go ride bike. turns out i'm not the only one. hahax. but me is like, scared crash into peepx or ride too fast la. then will keep pausing ma. hahax. throw face horx. hmmm. we took alot of pics la. darn funny. missed weixin alot then. she and her imf. if not everyone''s present for photo taking. hahax. the mosquitoes had quite a feast on my blood. turns out had 11 bites. ( cant believe i actually counted =.= ) ermx. what did we do next? played PS2, then had our bbq. it took so long to start the thing lorx. poor jinhong and yongzhi. got hit by sparks. actually think is my fault as i was fanning the stupid thing quite vigorously. ermx. our food for bbq consists of stingrays, hotdogs, marshmellows, chicken wings, otahs, prawns. not forgetting drinks. hahax. fun fun fun la. then we went to fetch weixin at the bus stop. hahax. somehow, my mood took an upturn and i found myself driving people crazy. sorriex. hahax. was singing dumb kiddish songs. ya.

went buy liquor and some more drinks and snacks. then went back. nothing much to play. my friends keep offering to teach me how to play and i'm like confused still. it seems so profound to me. okiex, practically i don't really play with poker cards. and i don't like to play but somehow i cant say that out ma. then weixin was so tired she fell asleep. kaiyin and a few others played some game that requires the loser to drink a cup of something. hahax. kaiyin was so high. linghui and i were like helping her la. hahax. that game was very interesting. hahax. laughing alot. later on, they decided to go for a walk. we went for several walks la. to the left and to the right. we headed for the park some time after midnight. and we sat down and yongzhi started talking about some personal encounters with the supernatural in his alma mater. then, martin, liming and sheila went back and the rest of us carried on chatting. nothing much. saw this guy walking alone and pacing to and fro for umpteen times. hmmm. discussed alot of topics. i was thinking, i'm actually so out of the place. like a freak. my mindset and my friends' are so different la. perhaps they were just humouring me all along.

later went to stake out at macs. played some games while waiting. then eat le went back to the chalet. two big guys hogging the only two beds. hahax. joking. in the end, many of us fell asleep. blah blah blah. checked out around 9 plus i think. then we headed home. trying to keep awake the whole journey but yeahx. hahax. linghui's shoulders very comfortable>.<>

here are some pics kaiyin took(i grabbed from your blog de 'cause didn't see you online):

yesterday: weixin messaged to say that we can check our results via our personal email le. went to see... not very good. haix. must buck up le. yeahx. oh, and realised what credit units are and that results for year long modules will not be posted under semester results. sadded. hmmm. anywayx, everyone did quite okiex la. jiayou! we shall do better next semester=)took the mrt. and there's this maid with her two charges. a sister and her younger brother. the sister was holding on to the monkey tail of the bag the brother was carrying. the brother tried grabbing the pole and fell face flat onto the floor. and he sat up, stunned and burst out crying while the sister chided him for playing when it was her fault. dotx. it seems like nothing serious right? but apparently, blood started oozing out from the brother's nose. ALOT OF BLOOD. and the maid was trying to stop the bleeding. the tissues were all soaked in blood. and the sister can still scold the brother. fainted. so mad. he's so young and probably will be traumatised sia. lolx. terrible. poor kiddo. pray that nothing worse than that happened after that.had choir practice. only 4 girls and 2 in each section. our sectionals were pathetic. haix. but at least we did make use of the time. later on, nicole and i had interesting conversations. hahax. had 'lunch' then the rest came down too. then we sat down there talking. apparently yingzheng (no idea how to spell) had a very interesting topic to discuss. hahax. and we were kept entertained throughout by the discussion. after which, we headed back to the choir room to have daidi session. nicole and i were kinda clueless as to the rules and what nots of the game. then the 4 guys decided to give us a 1 v 1 daidi session. linghui scolded me. hahax. dumb la. white lies were told through some phone conversations. hahax. we're studying. and as mark puts it, something about studying the concept of luck. hahax. something like that. he made daidi sound so profound. hahax. lolx. their last round last round had been repeated for quite a number of times before we called it a day. so i managed to learn daidi through the hard way. and i think linghui and the rest are going to kill me. hahax. 'cause they've been trying to teach me during the chalet but i resisted their offer. hahax. sorriex. lolx. k. that's about it.

2006-09-09T22:44:00.000+08:00

yesterday: choir's day camp. hahax. learnt a new song. hard. hmmm. then it's like the atmosphere kinda tense. i felt that way ba. ermx yeax. then after that, had our lunch. and since there was not much progress in the new song, we resorted to playing basketball. i admit i'm totally high that day. hahax. nicole's active bug has caught me. lame lame lame. lolx. anywayx. yupx. practically went wild. *roll eyes* hahax. went home feeling sore. ouch ow pain. hahax.

today: i did the weirdest thing in my life. too bad i didn't do good in it. lolx. ermx. right. you're probably gonna laugh your head off when you read the following - i went to audition for superstar. hahax. i just felt like doing something outta the ordinary and 2 days ago, i just went to apply for it. what happened today is totally a flux. ermx. whatever. that ziwei horx, ermx had something on so she couldn't accompany me in the morning. linghui also. you never tell me outcome of your that interview lehx. hahax. ermx then edwin so good good worx, pei me ONE WHOLE DAY nehx. hahax. okiex. ziwei say like that romantic. ermx. okiex la. hahax. but feel bad bad 'cause made him waste a day due to my dumb dumb action. but thanks thanks dear dear edwin!! heex. reached toa payoh around 9 plus and it's already a long queue. OH MY GOD. hahax. hmmm. then we had to wait for so long to get the number tag. and we were told to come back ONLY at 6PM! fainted. anywayx. after that spent the time idling around with edwin. later on, while queueing according to our numbers, we were told to stick the tag across our chest. everyone went =.= lolx. and someone behind me were like: "oh man, we're suppose to stick it across our boobs. not like you flat - chested. *silence* what? i meant the guy la." how interesting. apparently it was directed at me la. that's what i felt. in my mind i was thinking, this relies on your singing and not the size of your boobs la. what the heck. since mummy dearest told me not to quarrel with anyone while queueing, i swallowed the words down my throat. so we rotted on the chairs. me reading library book 'cause i'm not sure what to say to the 4 ladies next to me. right. i became antisocial. hahax. by then my make up has already come off and i'm quite relieve. i don't deal much with cosmetics. yeahx. later on, we were brought to the auditorium. got tired of reading and started chatting with them. turns out i'm the youngest among the 5 of us. the others were already part of the workforce. oooo. hmmm. then we had some butt exercise. sitting down and standing up to move to the row in front. =.= then later we were led to the audition room. CORRECTION!! to the THREE audition rooms. with THREE DIFFERENT groups of JUDGES. how interesting. the room i got was at the very inside. and the worst part comes here, so far, everyone i saw got a "deh". nobody got a "ding" at all. sadded right? hahax. and i FORGOT MY LYRICS!!! arghx. hahax. but anywayx, the 5 of us joined for the experience and fun. nothing much. hahax. however, my sisters and parents were more anxious than me. hahax. you might think it's weird that should tell the whole world about my failure. hahax. but no, it's cool. hahax. but kinda unfair. as the judges are different and all have different standards to meet so you get the idea. hahax.

oh, turns out my darling joyce came to TPY today to see her wei jian. hahax. but we missed each other. sadded. i miss her loads sia. hahax. anywayx, we've already made a "promise" to do something else together. hahax. hope nothing will stop us from doing that and laughing all the way. lolx. love ya lots!! hahax.

kk, i'm so hungry right now. good experience though. hahax. all the best to the rest. hahax. take care peepx. i'm so looking forward to class chalet!! WOOHOO!!

2006-09-07T20:43:00.000+08:00

went kbox with ziwei. lolx. okiex. i'm like a klutz. i do hear some of the songs before but i'm practically pathetic when it comes to singing them. hahax. ziwei pro ehx. lolx. then after that we walked to dhoby and we went window shopping. =.= hmmm. then we were guessing who would arrive first. lolx. funny how brothers are so involved today. hahax. ermx. anywayx, js came first. then they were SO kind as to wait with me. hahax. luckily he's not that late. but horx. ziwei keep saying she want to leave. hahax. and we watched movie againx. lolx. due to unforeseen circumstances, we didn't manage to watch monster house. hahax. but ziwei bought tix for the later slot. edwin and i watched little man instead. and it's hilarious. hahax. ermx. yeapx. full house. hahax. after the show we took the train to marina bay. saw maureen and her friend. hahax. funny. and i fell asleep againx. hahax. that's about it. lolx. ciaox

2006-09-05T20:47:00.000+08:00

hmm. ermx. yesterday woke up at 7 and went to yishun park to play badminton. and i saw the swings at the playground and went to sit. hahax. now my bottom's hurting. why ehx? lolx. anywayx. after that went eat mac. so like no diff. ermx. then headed to school. yupx. saw only matthew, daryl and nicole when i arrived. we were suppose to clean up the choir room. lolx. yeahx. but anywayx. we did alot of scrubbing and wiping. and jas min. i truly miss you during choir practice. lolx. nicole was saying my world revolves only around you. lolx. sounds so les. lolx. joking. but anywayx. yupx. had a new conductor. interesting conductor. hahax. nicole and i were talking about certain things. hahax. ermx. especially the conductor. hahax. nice accent. lolx. ermx. and yeapx. hmmm. went home and messaged joyce. and we actually had alot to say. suddenly alot of things happened and it feels plainly weird.

like what my sister said, i'm making an important decision that might affect my future. hahax. *roll eyes*. everyone hopes but sometimes even hope is not enough. you need luck and lots more stuff. my chinese has deteriorate. haix. must brush up on it. i really wish to have friends to confide in everything. not almost everything, not certain things. okiex i have one "ben ben" close friend. but that's all. i'm like a klutz. i'm like so unsociable. aww man. rah rah rahx! haix. oh well. nothing much lehx. kinda forget le. now people are wanting full timers. no part- timers manx.sadded. hahax. that's about it. farewell.

2006-08-31T14:52:00.000+08:00

yesterday:
went out with edwin. kinda plane day. that's what he said. hahax. then ermx. we went to watch snakes on a plane. hahax. very gruesome la. then at first sunny sunny weather. but it was raining when we came out. then we walked to bras basah complex de crafts shop. end up don't have my cross stitch =( the shop layout changed and cant find the stuff i wanted. later on we took the train to the airport. don't worry. i'm not going on a holiday. hahax. lame =.= kekex. ermx. yeahx. went there watch planes lorx. so end up was plane day. next time maybe car day or boat day. or train day!! =.= not funny. lolx. ya. then after that took bus home lorx. very tired le. heex.

today:
woke up very early in the morning to bring my sisters to school. i walk at a very slow pace and they at a fast pace. on purpose. hahax. mum made jelly for them to give the teachers la. later got stranded in the school. was hungry. yet raining very heavily=( i'm penniless. didn't bring a single thing except my phone. then ate laksa in the school. later on came home to use the com but darling allena ended school early and i rushed my way to PHS. saw the other friends la. hahax. bella and cindy goh wore the school uniform la. hahax. saw phyllis too. quite a long time didn't see them le. hahax. then after that met up with ms chionh but nothing much la. ya. took the graduation cd. sadded that mr tan chee wee wasn't in school today. haix. then ms tan sor tin too. at another school. sad sia. hahax. but anywayx, after that the few of us went northpoint. ziwei last minute pangseh me. hahax. they were in the arcade playing when i left to fetch my sisters. oh well. and now i'm back home using the com to update. MINGLI, I UPDATED LE!! wahahax. hmmm. oh yeahx. didn't get to see adeline. ADELINE!!! hahax. say want to tell you about him right? hahax. but anywayx. ziwei and allena INTERROGATED me le. hahax. i miss the good old days=(

tomorrow going interview with linghui and her friend, chayying. hahax. i'll type more at another time. right now, hope we'll get the job. lolx. take care^_^

2006-08-29T09:44:00.000+08:00

oooo. yesterday's totally hippy man.lolx. ermx. choir's games day.

not many people came though. i'm like a klutz in sports la. hahax. erm yeahx. met Goh Jas Min at dover then headed for the choir room. early us. hahax. then we chit chat as usual. hahax. missed laughing with you girl. hahax. we're divided into three groups. and joyce and me were separated as usual. hahax. we never seem to be in the same group. lolx. then played basketball and soccer. and ate alot of candies. lolx. brought our badminton racquets but apparently the courts were booked so yeahx. hahax.

hmm. need to find a job but i'm not available on mons, weds and fris. sickening. left tues and thurs. dumb. and i cant spend time with my dear dear!!! ah!!! nOO!! lolx. zzz. erm yeahx. hahax. joyce tan told me about PHS choir concert. they are performing a song from HIGH SCHOOL MUSICAL!!! woohoo!! hahax. even though i'm truly not dance material, i just wanted to be part of the item. hee heex. thanks joyce for inviting me. lolx. hahax. rightx. hope we can do it!! yay!! hahax. right.

every single day's being spent doing practically nothing. exams are over and suddenly, we have so much time on our hands. hahax. hmmm. i'm hungry. haix. k. i shall go ransack my kitchen. ciaox^_^

2006-08-27T15:37:00.000+08:00

nothing much to say.

i missed lye wei xin for the whole of yesterday. muahahax. hope she's reading. and she should be thankful she had that training to go to. i had none and i went for that summer festival thing and the "best" part was that we had alot of "fun" arranging chairs and tables for the guests. from one end of the whole big big piece of land to the another end. it's totally tedious. hard work. and sensei was not with us. she had her own stuff to do. did not even see any charming young japanese guys. hahax. the stalls were like less than 20. they had a nice playground and there were SWINGS!!! i mean it's hard to find them anywhere anymore. hahax. most of us relieved our childhood. lolx. we were made to carry tables and chairs, not forgetting to wear their summer festival's shirt which was black and absorbs heat. ermx. yeahx. then we had to put on work gloves. by the time we finished everything, the gloves were extremely dirty. YUCKS!! oh well.

after that went meet edwin at somerset. i was in need of a toilet. to wash my face and hands off the dirt. hmm. we were walking and didn't notice our 'parents' walking pass us. we were like obstructing traffic. standing there with me and joyjoy laughing and laughing as usual. then we walked here and there and practically nowhere. mng. later on, me dad called and i had to go home. hahax. there's nothing like sitting under the shower and wash away all the dirt and make one feel relaxed. after that talked on the phone then went to sleep. i'm so dead tired. haix. keep having nightmares. just weird. LINGHUI!! i dreamt of us. i'll tell you further. hahax. but not here. lolx.

tomorrow's choir games day. heard we're playing games. ya. i'm not particularly enthusiastic about sports. not very good in it either. but i can catch up with Joyce Goh. hahax. thursday's the day when i'll be seeing allena and gang!! woohoo!! hahax. third week's class chalet. it's also the release of our results and the registration for GEM modules. what are they choosing?? haiyox. still stumped at that. kiex. take care peepx.

2006-08-26T12:16:00.000+08:00

Darkness falls
She feels like a burden to everyone around her
She feels so abnormal
She derives pleasure from seeing blood
She feels the pain but she felt helpless
She feels caged inside a jail
How she envies her friends

Exams are over
She felt no joy
Nothing ever goes right for her
She wonders why she even exists
She knows she is horrid
She wants to be good
But she never think before she speaks
Her hot temper did not make things any better

Behind her insanity
She hides her depressing thoughts
Letting out occasionally
But nobody believes, nobody cares
She does not want sympathy
She is not seeking attention
Just that she felt the urge to let it all out
Knowing fully that people will not bother either
She vents her anger, frustration, agony and sorrows
Through a pathetic public journal
Not to tell the world to empathise with her
But 'cause she had nowhere else to write it down
There is no privacy at home nor on a public blog
But at least she could type it all out
With no fear of antagonising anyone

She gives her deepest apologies to the people around her
who tolerated her insanity, tantrums & depression
She loves the people out there, she loves her family
But she is not one who is good at expressing it out
She often succumbs to pressure
Her life to her, is bleak
And now, dawn breaks
She passes the day behind a facade
Till night falls again
Where she finds comfort under her blanket
Where she starts her nightly routine all over again

2006-08-14T10:21:00.000+08:00

for the BENEFIT OF CHAN MING LI!!!! lolx..

after this post don't ask me update againx horx!!! stupid mingli!! lolx..

erm ermx. see arhx. from friday ba. short one.
went school for EC test then dumb la. after that was like 2 plus and had to rot to 5.30 for jap class. cannot skip somemore 'cause it's exams lorx. then weixin and i went raffles de BK eat. it's very abnormal for the two most noisy gals in the click to be that quiet la. okiex. the mrt trip horx. got throw face stuff la. but i'm to keep quiet =X hahax. let weixin say it out herself. hahax. jap test was like cant understand what yukiko sensei was saying. i asked her to repeat and i just sat there being stunned. lolx. after that went home liaox and was in the mrt leaning against the glass. then horx. mrt jerked and i hit the back of my head against the glass. lucky no one saw. i pretend being engrossed in my FOM notes =.= never mind lorx. worse was before that. i knocked against a lady's bag and then the mrt stopped that time i lost my balance and thought no one was behind me. then i stepped back and stepped onto a guy's shoe!! that is so humiliating. messaged linghui about it la. oh my god. ermx then go home liao lorx. nothing liaox. yeahx. hahax. and i just rushed my notes again. haven even touched my accounts. sadded. i think i'll do badly.

Saturday: got phone call from deborah. pri school friend. i'm shocked she still had my house no. lolx. but anywayx. she said MANY's BACK IN SINGAPORE!!!!!!!! lolx. and they'll be meeting on sunday. i had to ask my mum la. lolx. usually i am so jailed at home during exams but since it's MANY whom i won't be seeing for a long time. mum made an exceptional. lolx. thanks mummy dearest!! ziwei called to ask if i'm going. and said yes and then, she had to come 'interrogate' me about something else. haiyo. really very gossipy horx.. lolx. joking. THAT MINGLI worse la. message her so many times then only answer my call. lolx. dumb sia.

Sunday: daddy purposely played some nice vcd and i got stuck watching it till it was pass meeting time. then had stomachache and i was extremely late. three pretty gals were waiting for me at khatib sia. sorriex! but usually is ziwei late la. hahax. now i break your record horx? lolx. yupx. then four of us were like keep contacting people la. that's the dumbest part. communication breakdown lorx. quite sianed. nothing to do. but saw Many la. and many others. yiwen has changed from being the quiet guy in school to the lamest one i've ever known. renjie no change la. maomao also. mingli also. wahahahax. actually these few people anytime also will see de lorx. is Many whom we don't really get to see. she changed alot. definitely for the better. but didn't really talk much to her. that's the dumbest part. it's senseless. we came all the way to orchard and we were kinda out of place. dotted. we sat in yoshi in the end. and ziwei and mingli CHILDISH sia. hahax. lolx. mingli got nice cute pocket mirror. wahahahax. alot of gossips sia. everyone's linked to everyone else. lolx. funny. friends are friends of friends. =.= senseless. hahax. ermx. then took a group photo. mng. ehx. renjie, puiman and mingli took their 'class' photo. hahax. dumb. then renjie came over and sat with us and we gossiped about alot of stuff. good ol' days. dotx. hmmm. then edwin came. 'cause dear ziwei wanted to see. lolx. ya la. he tall la. hahax. first impression is tall still. then they went cineleisure take neoprints but me and edwin went walk walk. then go eat eat. then we keep throwing face. hahax. then got some dumb dumb parade. lolx. then go home le lorx. mngx.

nothing liaox. mng. falling sick. but not very serious la. no fever, no feeling dizzy. lolx. lame. hmm. k la. happy "man yue"!! kekex. dotx. =.= kk, MINGLI UPDATED LE LA!!! i'm going study liaox. hahax. meet up during hols. i find one day liao ask u all. wahahax. ciaox.

2006-08-05T11:01:00.000+08:00

yesterday went school in pink. right. *roll eyes*. my friends say i look like i'm a tennis player. lolx. dotx. want know why i was clad in pink? kekex. 'cause my dear giraffe wearing light pink shirt ma. >.< heex. erm ermx. yupx.

then meeting edwin at outram ma. then took train with my dear joyce. wahahax. we saw jason and siewkae. hahax. and they accompanied me wait for edwin. OH MY GOD. i'm like so "bright" sia. hahax. no choice la. haix. ermx. yepx. then the four of us went town. and senseless la. practically funny things happened. ermx. shant say much. but went food republic eat the nice nice char kway teow. lucky we went early. a queue formed behind us liao lorx. hahax. then i was like holding a tray with a plate of CKT and the plate just slid from one end to another and SPLAT! onto my shirt! T.T throw face lorx. embarrassing okiex!! try it la. hahax. my hands were full with holding my wallet, hp and the spoons and chopsticks sia. lucky it wasn't noticeable. lolx. but i had to throw my face againx. IN FRONT OF EDWIN LA!!! OMG!! jason was talking about a particular person and my reaction was to let the char kway teow fly from the plate to my bag. i'm like a three-year-old eating la. throw my own face. but a word of advice. don't ever mention THAT PERSON when i'm eating. lolx. right. oh and jason did something so sweet that i almost cried. hahax. i cant say what it is. hee heex.

went monfort choir concert. so funny. 6 SPC members went - alvin, joannah, joy, ernest, edwin and me. joy joy mummy and me were laughing againx. hahax. but ernest daddy was sitting between us to prevent a serious case of hysterical laughter. yupx. lolx. the thing was held at chijmes(spelled this way ba??) concert hall. so small. and they sang mostly songs of worship. even the guest choir, westwood, sang much longer than them. weird. ooo. they had a song, the battle of jericho, which the monfort choir alumni amidst the audience joined in the singing. they even got a "standing ovation" even though they said the song was the worse. funny peepx. the alumni was suppose to sing after an encore but nobody shouted. in the end, they shouted for an encore themselves. FAINT. lolx. weird sia. mummy joy joy and i were laughing. joannah too. hahax. we were like, okiex let's leave right now. hahax. ermx. then the thing officially ended and the alumni went up the stage to have their fun. didn't manage to sing the whole song either. but it was a good attempt. lolx. joannah said they did it last year too. funny sia. hmmm.

after that, was like go MS eat. then edwin and me left first. so tired sia. haix. ooo. and i reached home around 11 plus. the bus left liao then edwin had to wait so long lorx =( poor thing. oh, did i tell you about his hairstyle? lolx. apparently he cut his fringe but not his sideburns and now he looks like a girl. hahax. bleahx. =X you should see his kiddy photo. looks like that. imagine him looking like a girl when he was a kid. and... erm ermx. hahax. kayx la. wait you say i bully you againx.=X heex. oh ermx, as i was saying, no bus for him take liaox then he had to walk home lorx. so sad right? but he so good. thanks thanks worx. take care peepx ^_^

2006-08-02T20:50:00.001+08:00

gIrAfFe: i didn't notice you much when i first knew you. i didn't expect myself to fall for you. however, the more i talk to you, the more i realise i am falling for you. i should try to know you better before deciding anything yet i cant help admiring you from afar. now we're together and i'm ever so happy. even though the time we had together wasn't long. BUT right now, i've been hurting you for two consecutive days. maybe even more. i know you don't express yourself much and i tried my best to understand. i know i seem not to be attentive at times. but sometimes, i feel so discouraged and start losing hope in the relationship. i'm scared, i'm disappointed, i'm upset, i'm stressed.

JaMs: i'm sorrie if i ever showed you attitudes, i'm sorrie if i ever said wrong stuff, i'm sorrie if i lamed too much, i'm sorrie if i don't seem to be a good friend. Thanks for being there. Thanks for enduring my nonsense and somewhat bo chup attitude.

CoPyDoG: don't always say horoscope this and that okiex? i may not be the kind of friend you confide in but i just want you to know that i'm always there for you. don't keep things to yourself anymore. even though it's difficult to talk about certain stuff, i hope you know that no matter what, you can always count on me. and thanks for always being there to hear me out.

rOrO's OwNeR: thanks for being there for me. i'm sorrie if i've hurt you. i know we encountered alot of ups and downs. we had our fair share of pain, sorrow and anger. wish i could do something to ease your pain and sadness. take care of yourself please.

the J in M&J: we laugh alot, and even WORRIE alot lorx!! hahax. thanks for listening to me, for being such a great friend. i may not be a good enough friend but thanks for being my best pal in choir. lolx. we think too much together too. hahax. sorriex if i seem to talk too much. sorriex if i'm too kaypo. it's an improvement that you sleep much earlier liaox. hahax. ermx. my attitude and mood will sometimes be intolerable due to incidents that happened. but thanks for hearing me out too.

"pArEnTs": i'm sorrie if i seem too inquisitive at times. i'm sorrie if i sometimes become "dian deng pao". i'm sorrie if my attitude ever offended you. thanks for being there for me. thanks for caring. thanks for your "love". thanks for the happie memories you gave me. thanks for being a part of my life.

OnAnA, aDeRiNe, MiNgLi: my DARLINGXX!!!! i missed you all SOOOO much sia. now we didn't really keep in touch. so sad. study hard okiex? kekex. must find time meet up liaox. sobx. take care!!!

today's NDOC was a TOTAL DISASTER. i mean to me la. kinda throw face sia. haix. my friend told me that his lecturer said his class could sing much better than choir. sickening. saw IRENE!!! as in PRI SCH de IRENE!! lolx. same class as robin sia. SMALL WORLD. then saw jiarui and kenneth too. joyce tan and i were like laughing la. hahax. weren't very happie during the NDOC. my mood took a downturn after that. totally black face. haix. alot of things happened recently. almost everyone i know is unhappie about many stuff. oh well. exams coming. ALL THE BEST PEEPX!! TAKE CARE TOO!!! DON'T FALL SICK!! ^_^

2006-07-31T20:36:00.000+08:00

why cant friendships be that simple? close friends should never let anything affect the bond between them. regardless of how they used to feel for each other. am i right? what's wrong with keeping in touch? of course, you'll feel terrible but ya.what else to say? speechless. i cant do anything to change the facts. it's stated ever so clearly. perhaps we are people from two different worlds. we met at the wrong time. right now, my heart is with him and only him. no one else. so giraffe don't "eat vinegar" okiex?? not nice not nice. sorriex worx.

hmmm. got back POA. applause for my good friends. lolx. studious people sia. i'm glad i passed. yupx. who cares if i'm the lowest or what. i'm not cut out for studying and i never did like studying anywayx. i merely hope to be able to complete my course in 2 and a half years' time. yupx.

today skipped FOM lecture for NDOC. we could have gone for the lecture lorx! the rehearsal started about 4 la. sickening. then Joyce was like so high when she saw our principal. lolx. funny sia. then in econs lecture she shouted a row across to me. so loud la. funny. then we laughed laughed laughed. ate alot too. hahax. yupx. it's funny now i have to say the surname when i call either one of the joyce. or else both will turn. ooo. oh ya. the kinderland kids were soooo ADORABLE!!!! hahax. then i was like so high la. wanted to shout and cheer for them but the choir peepx no one seem to be so enthusiastic. throw face for me. lolx. hahax. then me and joyce keep tripping. lolx. you know what i mean. hmm. we speculated quite alot of stuff la but we cant make any conclusions. haix. hope things turn out well. yupx.

joyce tan, lynette and their boyfriends very cute sia. lolx. funny. hahax. joyce goh arhx.. faster faster find your happiness worx. heex. she's gonna kill me. lolx. of course let nature take its course but you must also fight for your happiness. lolx. afterall, people previously got THREE horx. lolx. erm not referring to her. hahax. yupx. you know what i mean. don't worrie or think too much either. okiex? smilex and SLEEP MORE!!!! lolx.

CD presentation was not bad sia. our group had 25 slides while other groups had less than that. less than ten. lolx. yupx. but anywayx. laughed againx lorx. this time with linghui. lolx. during ride to school. stupid sia. to linghui: goodnite, friend. lolx. oh ya. we had 2 hours to spare today and we went biz library to flip through magazines. we were quite noisy sia. laugh and laugh. kaiyin ermx.. she was quite high. keep singing. lolx. i don't mind if you're thinking of joining choir lehx. hahax. oh ya. today saw hiphop dance sia. it's like WOW! lolx. kayx, ciaox.

to JAMS: that message i sent wasn't lame lorx. just to show i care lehx. you all 'hurt' me. sobx sobx. wahahahax. i shall find more!!! take care and all the best!! luv ya peepx!! DON'T puke!! faint.

2006-07-30T10:04:00.000+08:00

yesterday no daddy ernest and mummy joy joy=( all 'cause of daddy ernest. haix. next time must have another one againx worx. kekex.

morning woke up rush CD ppt slides. thought can edit. end up the guys did not send their ppt to linghui. dotx. next time we must give earlier date. if there's a next time. hmm. then at first is noon noon like that go out de worx. but end up 3 like that then go. then rain somemore=( sad siax.

took an hour to reach mrt station lorx. erm ermx, couldn't find a nice nice blouse to match my black black skirt. then at first meet him him at 1415. his bus bus late late ma then changed to meet 1430. kekex. but me me late late as usual. somemore raining. then me 1455 then board bus bus take one big round to interchange=( my house here rain rain big big sia. but at northpoint there no rain liaox. faint. always pian wo de. stupid stupid. then at atrium there saw aunty noraini. used to work with her at causeway de john little ma. then now she come northpoint de work part time. so funny sia. then talk talk 1510 like that. then went washroom first. walk walk to mrt station about 1520 liaox. saw edwin sitting there there but he never see me. kekex. then mrt come come liaox. me me go tease him. hahax. he wear pink pink also. not dark pink worx. eeee. hahax. 'cause me wear heels so finally don't have to look up to him that much. kekex. we went jurong point. nothing de lorx. hahax. erm ermx. saw allen inside PRECIOUS THOTS. then said hihi but we nothing say so erm ya. =.= then what else lehx? nothing le ba. eat eat lorx. see alot of giraffe things de worx. funny sia.

then went to school for SP Band Concert. say hao go support our two classmates. hahax. then linghui wear black skirt also. put lipstick somemore. kekex. alot of shouting during concert. shouts of friends names ba. kekex. like fans like that worx. then weixin so tempted to join the crowd. but if shout only two of us shout ma. then cant hear de lorx. elaine they all shouted. then so loud. funny. eventually we shouted wenxiang's name. but he didn't hear ba. hahax. the convention hall almost filled up lorx. they're good sia. very nice. hahax.

imagine choir's concert la. will it be that many people? or just half? hope hope will full house. yeahx!! kekex.

today must rush homework liaox. then can go out with family. hahax. ciaox^_^

mummy joy joy: don't worrie worx. me me never blame you all la. next time at most "punish" you two. heex. erm ermx. joking joking nia. hahax. happie happie worx=)

edwin: sorriex sorriex worx. make you wait so long. heex. ermx. next time then watch movie okiex? yesterday abit abit rush rush ma. must think of new place go liaox wor. heex.

2006-07-27T21:47:00.000+08:00

today is one weird weird day. just lotsa things went wrong and gone nutters.

let's see....

this morning i threw my own face. i took the bus to the mrt station. then sat at the inner seat. a kind aunty tapped me on my shoulder and told me the airconditioner was leaking. i wanted to move to the outer seat only to be blocked by a lady eager to rest her legs=.= right. i was like. the water dripping down. so throw face. what's worse was the seat grew wetter. the nice nice lady beside me stood up and went to the back to sit. i was like so embarrassed sia. OH MY GOD.

Statistics not bad sia. didn't do my tutorial=( got back our CA2. and linghui got FULL marks. hahax. congrats. the rest did well too. CONGRATS!! kekex. hmm. yupx. lesson end then before FOM, we stood outside waiting for mr dennis ng to come. me and junwei were talking about something. okiex. erm. i was imitating him just for the sake of laughs. then weixin stood in between us and she couldn't stand it. therefore, her file and foolscap committed suicide. from the 6th floor to the ground level for her foolscap and her file landed on the ledge at the 4th floor i think. everyone was stunned. lolx. hahax. erm ya. then we laughed somemore and went to help her retrieve them. people were looking at us la. so funny. hahax. erm yeahx.

now for the bad part. my FOM group was being targeted by our tutor. basically due to two problems. and hence, we took about an hour to end our presentation. the group's mood changed. we couldn't agree nor disagree. the situation was to our disadvantage. haix. oh well. it's over. and to vent it all out, i ate more than i'm supposed to. sighx.

We decided to go causeway point. and took the mrt. a very interesting trip. what with the ambience and views we got. lolx. long story. but whenever i'm with kaiyin and linghui, i'm bound to laugh alot. hahax. but it's all thanks to friends like them that i didn't actually sink back into my old self. THANKS!!!

hmmm. linghui and i were still laughing all the way back home la. faint. hahax. right. oh. we took neoprints. and the thing was like so fast la.we were rushing and stuff -.- dumb. but anywayx. i lost the smallest neoprint. i really have to ransack my room and my sisters' room 'cause i took it out that's for sure to scan them into the com. what a day.

oooo.. yesterday met joyce at mrt station. then we went to Choir AGM at LT17b. smells of cockroach. i mean pesticide. lolx. erm. yax. anywayx. funny la. we shared two packs of pokey. strawberry de. choc was out of stock. then after that i accompanied joyce all the way to the long flight of stairs. i don't lose my way that easily la. lolx. i'm not a lost sheep. keke. yupx. then went back LT and left with two orangies and one whitie. lolx. i'm blackie la. hahax. erm yeahx. then joy joy mummy and i were laughing at the two orangies - ernest daddy and edwin. so funny siax. whoever's M and whoever's J cannot be present at the same place at the same time and only one M and one J. either way. 'cause we'll end up laughing and laughing. lolx. dumb la. we went cityhall. then went raffles city and walked to suntec. and quite blurred. hahax. erm ya. then we laughed and laughed at pastamania. hahax. saw two HELLO KITTY bags. erm. i'm not a fan of her. just letting one good friend of mine know. lolx. joking. yupx. hmm. nothing much la. basically quite lazy to type liaox. ciaox.

2006-07-26T09:38:00.000+08:00

got back econs ca2 yesterday. hahax. the other jams got good grades. as for me, i passed and that's the most important thing for me. it didn't matter if my grades won't good. i mean yes, it'll affect my mood abit but ya. i just don't wanna be a forward module student.ermx yeahx. what else? hmm. oh! yesterday took mrt home as usual with ky, lh and jh. kaiyin and linghui were funny sia. lolx. okiex. we were all nutters yesterday. that's the dumbest thing. but laughing is good. lolx. minus the laughing wrinkles. hahax. then we kept laughing all the way from dover to yishun. linghui's younger sis is taller than her lehx. wahahax. erm erm. keke. hmmm. ooo. got flea market at SB then i bought a hp keychain for giraffe. dumb sia. hahax. suppose to make the design giraffe de worx. but i put a pig instead. lolx. okiex. i admit it's funny. but anywayx, yupx.

skipped our first lecture - stats. the first lecture for linghui and me. lolx. minus our MCs la. hahax. funny. okiex. it actually seemed weird to not know a single stuff abit the lesson. i'm even clueless about the homework that's due tomorrow for stats. i got stuck on the first question liaox lorx. haix. FOM PROJECT!!! tomorrow's D-Day!! OH MY GOD!! calm down. *deep breath*. =.= hope all goes well and mr dennis ng wouldn't ask some hard hard questions. hahax. all the best peepx!!

To edwin: i keep saying sorriex worx. haix. me me worrie too much too. think too much also. hahax. hmm. sorrie make you sad sad. smile smile okiex?? sat go watch movie >.<. heex.

To mummy joyjoy: happie happie worx. hahax. don't sad sad sia. you sad sad daddy also sad sad then whole family sad sad cos i see you two sad sad then will sad then edwin also will sad. lolx. wait end up aijia and edgar also sad sad. kekex. okiex. joking. smile smile=)

To joyce: lolx. heyx girl, relax okiex? stop thinking about it okiex? take care of yourself girl. don't care what they do. just ignore them if they seem to be overboard okiex? lolx. studies is your priority worx. lolx. we shall gossip and laugh somemore okiex? hahax. i'm always here for you^_^

2006-07-22T13:11:00.000+08:00

no choice no choice no choice. *shake head*

yesterday keep laughing and laughing. senseless sia. haix. i feel like some idiot trying to fit into a place where i don't really belong. projects are piling up. i haven't complete all. homework's a mess. exams are approaching and i'm not even capable of scoring a decent grade. my expectations for myself quite high worx. haix. making myself stress ma.

kenneth got predictions. so funny. joyce and me laugh. hahax. but yesterday choir heard a HAPPY news=) congrats!! kekex. in the midst of sadness, we can count on people who'll cheer us up. hee. went clementi eat with the seniors. first time see so many people go worx. but like cannot communicate lehx. eat jap. food. but NOT udon. bleahx.

hmm. go home that time very funny. i was over my curfew liaox. but i so good to jason. (you owe me one worx!! hee) then in train got some funny funny happenings. really no choice la. pity everyone. hahax. go home so late worx. but giraffe send me home. me friends say you sweet lehx. haha. take care peepx^_^

sorrie dear dear giraffe worx. me always say things without thinking first. haix. always like make you sad sad worx. sighx.
mummy joyjoy don't sad sad worx. if you sad sad daddy will sad sad then whole family also sad sad lehx. okie?sadness go away worx. don't make cute cute family become sad sad family=( hmm.
joyce joyce don't think too much also. SLEEP MORE!! lolx.

2006-07-20T19:47:00.000+08:00

life is SOOOO unpredictable. my sister's friend passed away a few days ago. and we got the news today T.T
he's only 12 years old, about to take his PSLE and yet, he succumbed to the dumb dumb illness and left his loved ones. i feel sorrie for his parents and elder sister. deepest condolences. i almost cried when my sister told me that. even though i don't really know the boy, i still know that he had a long way to go but he wasn't given the chance to complete his life journey.

today wei xin went MIA. and linghui, kaiyin and i were like panicking la. hahax. end up it was all due to miscommunications. we were so worried about her. lolx. thankfully, she's still alive and kicking. *roll eyes*.

alot of stuff happened. alot of sadness around. alot of tears shed. alot of laughters. sighx. when will i learn to stop worrying so much, to think so much, to feel so stressed, to feel depressed. haix.

there's choir tomorrow!! woohoo!! hahax. sighx. hope nothing's gonna change at all. i mean change for the better and not for the worse wor. smilex peepx^_^

~ treasure the people around you, learn to love the people whom you call your family and friends. cherish them. tell them you love them. show them that you care too. don't live to regret it. life is unpredictable. you never know what will happen the day after. live each day like it's your last ~

2006-07-19T14:36:00.000+08:00

i'm speechless!!

weixin and linghui against me!! NOOO!! *fainted*

*revived*

not funny=.=

hmm. linghui say i keep laughing worx. ehx.. don't have lehx. okiex la. i'm crazy but all along the "no link" gang know that ma. wahahahax. i've been seeing YOU every single day of last week worx. sianx horx. hee. hmm.

monday: choir practice was okiex. me and joyce were laughing, and i think almost every single choir member has gotten used to that fact. lolx. laugh laugh laugh. stuff that are so trival and not that funny we still laugh. weird stuff we laugh. hahax. i've been laughing alot lately. my laughing wrinkles are showing. is there such thing? lolx. shrugx.

eh. lame lame de me. keke. yesterday, ehx. JAMS saw both 'xiao ke ai' and 'chao ke ai' at the same time. we were at foodcourt 6 having lunch. okiex. about to have our lunch. and me and weixin had FULL VIEW of the two guys. wahahahax. sad thing is that we didn't manage to take photos of them. it seems like our admiration for them has been discovered!! lolx. okiex. i admit that 'chao ke ai' was looking good that day. hahax. me and linghui thought of something funny. well, we always find many stuff funny. erm ya. =.=

POA was extremely hard for me. i know i always deemed every single test and exams as hard but yupx, i'm probably going to flunk it. even though weixin and linghui were kind enough to make an effort to dismiss that thought from my head. about econs.

bad day for us. i wanted to say it out, but ended up succumbing to fears of various stuff. ITAB ms excel test got one mark more than linghui onli. wahahahx. but with addition of my PBL project, i think it'll pull my grades down. oh man, i feel so stupid sia. haix.

that DEAR linghui emailed me a horoscope thing and i somehow couldn't see any connection between me and my horoscope. unlike the others. maybe only a few sentences, nothing else. i've been eating alot and yet i'm still hungry. kaiyin got back her pencil case. good for ya! hahax.

tons of work sia. sorriex, another long entry. hee. i think it's due to the small small space that shows small small words of my entries. apologies peepx=(

everyone jiayou worx. semestral exams coming. oopsie=X but t's a fact we have to face. not stressing anyone. i'm only stressing myself. i'm really afraid that i'll flunk every single one. haix. oh well. k. so long. ciaox^_^

2006-07-15T10:37:00.000+08:00

to kaiyin: i'm so sorrie. i don't think before i speak =(

i read an article that talks about 4 types of respects: respect yourself, respect people you like, respect people you don't know, and respect people you don't like. i'm trying very hard to accomplish the first and last type of respect. very hard. interrogations are never nice. neither are indirect insults. i'm very very bad.

7 unrandom things about me:
- i'm a greedy girl. i eat more than i'm supposed to. i shouldn't be.
- i love reading. i read more than i'm supposed to. i shouldn't be.
- i'm a pessimist. i worry more than i'm supposed to. i shouldn't be.
- i'm a sadist. i hurt myself more than i'm supposed to. i shouldn't be.
- i'm a gossiper. i say stuff more than i'm supposed to. i shouldn't be.
- i'm straightforward. i speak truths more than i'm supposed to. i shouldn't be.
- i'm lame. i crap more than i'm supposed to. i shouldn't be.

7 things that scare me (things i dislike):
- illusions
- dark
- frenz' betrayal
- too much noise
- my headaches
- dreams remaining as dreams
- myself

7 unrandom songs at the moment:
- li xiang qing ren
- guo min
- start of something new
- when there was me and you
- what i've been looking for
- shan hu hai
- yu shang ai

7 things i like the most:
- purple colour
- orange colour
- food
- laughing
- precious moments
- chemistry
- my piano

7 things i say the most:
- stomachache-_-"
- sorry=(
- not funny=.=
- keke>.<
- so cute!!
- don't know..
- huhx??

7 people to do this:
- joyce goh
- ling hui
- lye wei xin
- darling allena
- daddy ernest
- mummy joy joy
- robin

2006-07-08T11:33:00.000+08:00

i'm always the one at fault. i'm always the bad guy. i'm always suppose to be nice and suck up to my parents. i'm always suppose to obey them. i'm always the defiant character at home. i'm always the one they despise.i'm always the one that fail to meet their expectations. i'm the baka buta of the family. watashi wa hakchi desu. what the fuck. since morning till now, my mother hasn't even stop her rants. what the hell. life at home is suppose to be the happiest?? no way. it's a torture. my whole family has mood swings sia. furthermore, my sis and i inherited my dad's hot temper. what the. Oh my God.

i know i'm not suppose to compare because every family has their own way of discipline. however, my parents are strict disciplinarians and i'm suffocating under their rules. it's stressful. be home by a certain time. cant go out to study, cant go out to relax, cant go out with friends to shop, only can go out with family. =.= i'm seriously envying those people out there who are not in the same kind of predicament as me. two additional siblings. i should be grateful. but i'm still jealous of how i'm treated so differently from them, especially the second sister. she's the apple of my dad's eye, my youngest sister, she's been called the unlucky daughter all the time by my dad. and i do dote on her, on times when she's not acting like my mother. otherwise, i'll.. erm yeahx.

kids nowadays are so much fortunate. am i a guinea pig of my parents' disciplinary ways? primary school: no tv, no computer, no phone calls, no going out with friends, reading novels, going for piano lessons, studying, loner - in jail. secondary school: got my first hp when i was in sec3, able to use the com but onli for an hour once in awhile, going out only once in awhile(once or twice a month), studies took a fall, got into bad influence - took a change in sec3. at least i talk more and have more friends. now: going out BUT for projects, going out BUT for studying, going out BUT with parents, going home late 'cause of projects, choir, blah blah blah. and i've to face interrogation every single day. i'm not on parole, i'm not a criminal. i'm their daughter.

i almost went to IMH. as in seriously. i'm unofficially a member of IMH. i haven register myself. what i want is for them to understand me but no. they tell me not to compare my results with others. YET YET YET, they did it themselves. if i fail any single subject or onli even one, you'll see me trying to find excuses not to go home. but the dreaded time has to come. and off i head to my room to be confronted by my dad and being punished. not now. i haven try to fail anything yet. haix. i'm broke and yet i don't work 'cause i don't like to. but i have to. i sank into depression once and i told myself i'm not going to anymore. i try to maintain a positive outlook towards life but somehow or rather, something will happen to take the positivity away from me. i've gone to see a neurosurgeon (who's in fact a psychiatrist, i believe) to cure my severe migraine. what the. =.=

this is a side which hardly anyone knows. only some of my very best friends know. some say my face is always "black". ya whatever, but i don't speak often 'cause it's senseless what i've to say. i speak my mind and yet, when i'm honest people don't like it. i hate superficiality, but i have to act that way? do i really need to do so? i'm lost. i'm confused. i'm stressed. i'm outta my mind. i'm gibberish. i'm nonsensical. i'm plainly, juz NUTX.

2006-07-04T20:39:00.000+08:00

I"M SOOOO SORRIE PEEPX!!!

i really didn't mean to write that long. i know most of you hardly bother to read everything. SORRY!!

hmm. i know i long-winded. runs in the family worx. kekex. i mean "family", the one in secondary school de. not poly de. keke. haix. seem to rely on my best friend alot. perhaps i'm not confident about my work. sorrie pal. thanks alot JAMmers for tolerating me. my "no link" gang!! WOOHOO!! keke.

right, alot of things happened. not sure whether i should talk about them. maybe not. better to dump unhappy stuff aside. keke. right. oh well. kk. speechless now. ciaox.

2006-07-02T13:13:00.000+08:00

friday: still laughing like mad. yeahx. jap class weixin and i got back our test papers. scored quite well for the first try. not bad. yukiko sensei even thought we learned jap before. *guffaws*. hmm. funny sia. after jap went home with robin. on the way walked the pasar malam. nothing de. so sianx sia. zzz. anywayx. thanks pal for sending me home worx.

saturday: woke up early in the morning to go school do ITAB. end up the biz library wasn't open. then we went all the way to the main lib. stayed there for half an hour using the com as the lib closes at 12.30. what the. after that we distributed the tasks and departed our own ways.

wanted to go library to return books and at the same time, do my homework. since my sister had piano lesson and i didn't want to fetch her, after which, my mum will pull me along to causeway point=.=.

giraffe was kind to pei me worx. keke. thanks!

wanted to buy a purple hairband so decided to go bugis. and at the same time, i can go to the national library to do my work. didn't manage to buy my hairband though. in the end, the library was full of people and there wasn't any empty seats nor tables. can you believe i actually went to the library with the notion of studying but ended up borrowing another two books! that's me. i hate studying worx. arghx. borrowed sadistic books. keke. then giraffe suggested going to esplanade de library so we walked back to the mrt station. saw liming at her workplace. i feel ashamed not working when most of my friends are working. i'm like skiving lorx. haix.

anywayx, went esplanade and there weren't any vacant places la. other than the floor but i was wearing a skirt so end up we just went "sight-seeing". lolx. went to marina square and just window-shopped. lolx. cant believe that giraffes like to shop lorx. >.<. saw uncle matthew when we were leaving. turns out it was his bday la. hahax. he was waiting for auntie jasmine worx. then we accompanied him till she arrived. after that. we went back to esplanade AGAIN. =.= and ended up observing babies and people lorx. zzz. we went up to the roof terrace to "enjoy" the scenery. dotx. imagine a giraffe scared of heights. haiyo. keke. after that we went back to MS to have our dinner. and on the way back to city hall, we walked past billy bombers in the hope of spotting the couple. keke.

took the mrt to marina bay. 'cause can sit sit!! keke. then finally i don't have to "look up" to that giraffe to talk to him. very tiring worx. bleahx. hahax. at a particular stop got a stupid bee buzzing around. goodness knows how it got into the train. a malay auntie standing in front of us just wrapped her fist around the bee and closed upon it. i'm like stunned there la. then i stared at the auntie and she looked back at me, with a look of disapproval i think. seems that way. don't know why. but i really very shocked=( scary worx.

anywayx. went home and started reading my book. and watched tv. then i went to sleep. hahax. first time worx. without my hp by me. hahax. tired tired de. thanks alot giraffe!! hahax.

reflection: wasn't very happy when i heard about it. i felt like i'm always creating trouble for people. i cant understand why some people don't do what they preached. why so superficial. they say one thing to you yet they do another thing. some you call your good friends are actually not. they eventually backstab you. turns out all along those you don't really talk to actually care more about you than those you usually hang out with. *resigned to fate* i just want someone who will always be there for me, who will always like me for who i am, who will always be true to me, who will always accept whatever shortcomings i have, and vice versa. i don't want to wait till something drastic happens before i find out who my true friends are. i want to believe and be glad to know that people i call my friends are truly my friends. i want to be naive to believe that. i don't want to live in fear or feel betrayed at anytime. but i just cant. i'll never forget what YOU did to me. you hurt me badly and i no longer know who to trust. it's all because of YOU that i learnt what backstab, betrayal, hurt meant. it's all due to that incident that i can never learn to enjoy life as it is, but live in my own shadow.

2006-06-28T15:31:00.000+08:00

FUN FUN FUN!!!!!!! TELL YOU HORX!!! yesterday, we wrecked weixin's hostel de kitchen!! wahahahx.. me and linghui lorx.. we cooked up a storm.. faint.. wahahax..

HAPPY BIRTHDAY LYE WEI XIN!!!!!

hahax.. the spaghetti sauce kinda diluted. hahax. then we met weixin's flatmate. so cool. we so high lorx. then her flatmate, ke xuan or something. should be la. she quite quiet la. of course, cant expect her to high with us. but horx. we like throw face lorx. kekex. but it's really unforgettable. wahahahax.

yesterday, linghui, weixin and me so throw face also. we tripped la. "tripped". lolx. let's see. linghui walked up the steps then almost fell. then weixin walk walk then suddenly one foot in the stupid "drain" at the corridor of the staff room. no one was around except two gals and us. laughed out loud. then after that, went for stats lecture. i was talking to weixin and didn't notice there's a step. then i went down hard and thought i balanced myself. ended up i didn't and i dropped my bag onto the chair beside me and almost fell flat on it. THROW FACE!!! hahax. 'cause it's like there's alot of peepx liao lorx. OH MY GOD. wahahahax. lucky no one sat there la. if not worse!! lolx.

don't know why but the JAMS were all quite high yesterday. especially linghui and me. hahax. happy happy mood. kekex. oh ya. our econs lecture right, me and kaiyin were trying to pull the table out but to no avail. lolx. earlier on, something comical happened so we caught the giggles. and kept laughing. then linghui stood up to help us pull it. and we did only to hurt myself and the table just went back to its original position. and we started laughing againx. LOLX. when you laugh, you lack the strength to pull something or carry something. that's what happened to kaiyin and me. lolx. so it's like we saw our class guys come in. then we asked yongzhi to help us pull and voila! successful. only one pull without exerting too much strength. lolx. the difference between guys and gals. oh my god. hahax.

got back econs CA1. and horx. THAT LINGHUI againx. hahax. she got the highest score. wahahahx. smart peepx jiu shi smart de.then orangey got 2nd highest. and oh ya. his info not reliable de for certain things. kekex. then we were saying he's orangey and his girlfriend bluey. lolx. then the two of them so cute la. paisei-ed. wahahax. then they switched bags and their actions are like synchronised. lolx. funny sia.

after school ended, we went to weixin's hostel to put our bags and stuff. then linghui and i headed for clementi while kaiyin, jinhong and weixin went far east to collect somebody's shoes. hahax. then linghui and i were like in the supermarket arguing lorx. stupid la. then we had plenty of hesitations, and stupid ideas. hahax. we bought SPARKLING RED GRAPE JUICE. only one bottle though. should have bought two. then can drink more. wahahax.we bought a strawberry cheesecake for her. not bad la. oh ya. me and linghui were saying that if we switched roles with kaiyin and jinhong. i think dinner can be served at around 8. we ended up eating at 9. lolx. 'cause me and linghui spent an hour in the supermarket. lolx. funny. then when we went back, we didn't have what we needed and we just had to make do with what we have. we even burnt the hotdogs!! lolx. but quite successful. hahax. if linghui and i were flatmates, i think our flat would have burnt. lolx. the house would be in a mess. but we will still be good friends. hahax. fun fun fun. keke. must try againx. wahahahx.

keke. reached home one stupid pig was behaving as though he is truly a pig. which he didn't deny la. hahax. then talk on phone until orh orh and no batt somemore. lame. hahax. i always do that. tired though. slept at 3. nothing to talk about but the phone call was 2 hours long. =.= lame lame lame.

tomorrow gotta start fretting againx. sighx. did plenty of throw face stuff. but i won't forget this day. hahax. LOVE "no link" gang!! WOOHOO!! hahax. take care. ciaox^_^

2006-06-26T18:34:00.000+08:00

i dislike your attitude. i dislike how you're treating me like dirt. i dislike the way you speak to me. i dislike having to dislike you. i dislike being bored. i dislike how you copy others. i dislike how superficial you are. i just plainly totally dislike you. until you prove that you are not doing what i think you're doing. if not, i'll continue disliking you.

it's childish i know. but i just cant tolerate it any longer. it's terrible. i practically loathe such people. who just lives in their own twosome world, ignorant of the people whom they called friends. a simple "hi" seems to have become so difficult to be uttered. what the hell is wrong with you? wake up please. i dislike myself for having to dislike people. i have no rights to do so. but yeahx, i just cant help it. don't make me despise you. don't make me loathe you. don't make me detest you. stop treating people that way!! why scold others when you cant scold yourself? if you cant scold yourself you have no rights to scold others either. because if you don't know what's wrong with yourself, how can you be sure that others are wrong? why why why?

today got back POA de CA1. majority were speculating if they were the one who failed. but everyone passed. kekex. weixin got the highest. lolx. but she very modest, say it's because she's POA background. lolx. THAT linghui horx. got second highest worx. hahax. sighx. i felt high today. but then, my mood was like changing from feeling high to feeling downcast. had this bad bad bad feeling. i don't want to know. i'm afraid to know. i'm scared.

tomorrow we celebrating weixin's birthday!! WOOHOO!! hahax. gonna make a mess outta her kitchen. kekex. confirm chaotic. lolx. okiex, i gotta go do econs. faint. ciaox

2006-06-24T21:36:00.000+08:00

life is unpredictable.

few days back, the auntie, who used to own a shop downstairs, de husband passed away due to a heart attack. he was dead for 2 hours without anyone noticing.

yesterday, my mum's cousin de husband died due to asthma attack. very serious le. cannot make it in time to the hospital. he drove his motorcycle to the clinic la!! faint. my mum went to help out yesterday. heard that my cousin kept on hugging her dad's pic. and didn't want to eat nor let go of it. so sad. i broke down on hearing my mum say that. sighx. you never know what's going to happen next. so sad.

today went for community service AGAIN at salvation army. to feed the mosquitoes there. lolx. kekex. yupx. then linghui de hair horx. don't know what to say. bleahx. very cute la. make her look rounder. lolx. not bad. i mean VERY NICE!! wahahax. then she's gonna say me againx. faint. lolx. anywayx. me and her went to the thrift store sort out tons of VCDS and CDS and CD-Roms. blah blah blah. then our hands so black sia!! OH MY GOD. wonder how long the discs have been kept. lolx. there's another group there too. in charge of the library though.

finish liaox. then weixin, jinhong, kaiyin, linghui, junwei, sharul and me went PS eat. kept laughing la. funny sia. sharul's laughter contagious worx. lolx. the cleaning lady was looking at her with a funny expression. lolx. hahax. kekex. took mrt home. duh. then discussed a major upcoming event with linghui. talk to her can vomit blood de lorx. lolx. hahax. blah blah blah.

thanks for the gift LING HUI!! need a hug?? lolx. dotx. i'm not les okiex. keke.

had an unpleasant experience with the stupid bus i took home. someone made a mess. vomitted on the floor of the bus. near the entrance. so sucky. the whole bus rigged of the smell. yucks. the bus driver don't even seem to be affected by the smell. has he grown accustomed to such things happening? or like what i speculated - he has a blocked nose. kekex. whatever. so disgusting la. the bile and everything. EWWW.

k la. end here. ciaox

2006-06-22T10:58:00.000+08:00

tuesday: went to jurong east to meet up for fom project. lolx. inverted commas. project. kekex. actually, we headed for kbox. hahax. we just used the time to sing la. kaiyin, liming, jinhong and me. but jinhong didn't sing so we were like saying she wasted her money. lolx. anywayx, we sang for another 45 mins after our session officially ended as no one bothered us. lolx. extra free 45 mins. lolx. yupx. then we discussed and we went back up to take pics but the receptionist looks fierce so we hurried out of the place. kekex. yupx. then we went to eat. and after that we parted and i went back to phs for their choir camp. supposedly to meet alex at the mrt station but that guy made me wait for like 20 mins b4 he arrived. =.= some of the alumni members were there, as part of the camp participants. lolx. they had a disco night but i had to leave so i didn't manage to watch their performance. lolx.

wednesday: went to brunch at ave 2. ate the yong tau foo and went to northpoint to buy new slippers. lolx. saw a red pair and i bought them. too red perhaps but it's really nice. kekex. after that i headed for choir camp. AGAIN. saw how bonded they were and how fun it was. didn't do much. just sat there watching them perform. it was cute and cool. lolx. had lotsa laughs. keke. right. it's been a while since i went back. some changed some not. i'm still the old me, if i'm one of them in the camp, i doubt i can go high and do those stuff. feeling so weird there. but 'cause my daughters are there, i'm still quite okiex. but people whom i wanna see aint there. what a pity. hope i can find a day to go back during practice and see them practise, see them teach, see them learn. lolx.

school's starting. and i practically forgot all about my retail summary. if liming didn't mention it i really wouldn't have remembered. lolx. i haven do tons sia. econs, stats, fom project still working on, cd project=.=, retail summary. zzz. oh well. whatever. kk, end here. au revoir.

conference

2006-06-18T13:34:00.000+08:00

yesterday so bored then i made daddy call me. keke. then we started talking and he suddenly said something. hahax. then i blackmailed him. but cannot la. then after that i messaged mummy and she was like " huhx?? what thing?". lolx. she blurred. it's daddy's fault. but anywayx. she called me then after that she say she call daddy's phone then we conference. lolx. very funny. then daddy called edwin to call also. then 4 of us like talk and talk but most of the time we laughed la. then daddy and edwin's voices are like same same then mummy and me blurred diao. lolx. funny. i was like trying to differentiate which is whose voice all the time la. then i didn't talk. keke. furthermore, i tell daddy mummy i won't talk liaox. hahax. keke. then daddy had to shower and terence picked up the phone and trying to guess who's on the line. we just made it confusing for him. keke. very funny. after that, auntie maureen joined us. but she very sick sick. so poor thing. mummy bully her. keke. joking. but so cute lorx. hahax. very cute la the conversation. MAUREEN!!! Someone said mummy VERY CUTE lehx!! keke. bleahx. then after that daddy going out to eat dinner with family. then we were like listening to news on 93.8 la. he reached the area liaox then we listen to what's happening on his side. funny. but end up must hang up liaox. 'cause everyone call daddy ma. then he need to eat so everyone gotta get cut off. sobx. so sad. i was so bored la. zzz. oh well. but very fun. i hope got somemore cute cute fun fun conversations like that. keke.

i'm infatuated with someone. kekex. joyjoy mummy and daddy know who and they very very bad. bully me. T.T kekex. right. anywayx, i really like everyone. so cute lorx. kawaii nehx! hahax.

my project is cannot make it liaox. so hard siax. i don't know what to do lehx. i miss linghui!!! sobx. got her i won't lost de lehx. sobx. hahax. okiex. end here. ciaox.

CAMP OHANA

2006-06-17T12:46:00.000+08:00

tuesday:
joyce and i met for breakfast and we were both late. hahax. then we ate mac at clementi and headed for school. we thought everyone had arrived and we were late but it turned out we were the first few. Anywayx, we were taken to the classroom to put our stuff and settle for games - some polar bear and where's my 50 cents coin games. i died early in the previous game and i got chosen to guess where the coins are in the latter. me AGAIN=.= then joyce kept laughing la. okiex, so did i. then we were told our groups and i got joyjoy and ernest's group. but joyce and i were separated. lolx. my siblings were aijia, edwin and edgar. then we were told to come up with a cheer, a group name and a design for our flag. due to my dear daddy's stupid essay, my group was named influenza and our flag was kinda distorted after some time. lolx. later on, we took our baths and got ready for the night games. we started with a battle royale tingy where we were to search for lightsticks all around school, at the same time, running from the devils and for the angels. very tiring. in the end, we just hid in CLS and sat there intending to wait till the game ends. after that, the nightwalk was on but i wasn't feeling game enough to participate, i ended up following auntie maureen. actually, i felt like a burden to the ex co and my family. i mean i'm sick and yet i insisted on coming for the camp. like giving them problems. sorrie peepx. ya. anywayx, the night walk was extremely creepy and my daddy was trying to scare me time n time againx. maureen and i followed mummy, daddy and ah gong, together with the children of 'mng arh orh'. joyce banged her head when she got frightened. then teddy was being 'terrorised'. lolx. that was the funny part. yanshan was the calmest of them all. we tried all means to scare her but to no avail. it's quite tiring to scare people. it's better being blindfolded then being able to see in the dark 'cos you never know when and what you might see. after everything ended, we felt sticky and all but it was slping time. lolx. joyce and i couldnt slp and we just talked and talked. eventually lying down and slping, but still laughing. we settled on waking up early tomorrow to bathe.

wednesday:
i woke at 7 plus as usual. body alarm. then sat till 8.30 b4 i woke joyce up. we asked siewkae, aijia and yanshan if they wanna take a shower but they wanted to slp so the both of us went ourselves. the water was truly cold la. when we went back, we took pics of ah gong slping.

lolx. it was funny. he had a pose that looks like snow white minus the flowers. lolx. joyce took a video and we just kept laughing. we switched on the alarm clock and placed it near ah gong's ear but i think he trusted us to shut it so he just smiled and turned his head. lolx. to think he said that he will be waking us up and it turned out the other way round. my daddy and brother looked so cute slping close together.

lolx. and uncle jason looks like a boy all curled up. hahax. joyce and i kept laughing at them. hahax. blackmail them with the photos and video. all mummified.

lolx. later on we had a game to play in orchard, basically. mummy wasn't here and i was running out of water to drink. daddy and edgar finished most of the food while the rest just sat there. ya. we combined with 'mng arh orh' which means joyce and i could talk. hahax. after the thing we went back for dinner and then to bathe. i think uncle matthew brought us to the showers at the swimming pool. where there's warm and cold water. we bathed quite quickly and comfortably. lolx. we saw a lady in red. it's really very scary la. i mean this group of students were trying to shoot a horror film i think. we celebrated ah gong's birthday also. keke. then he very touched la. basically the guys wanted to 'rape' him. keke. anywayx, after that, the guys wanted to go for a nightwalk and some of us gals went along. we went to this open area and sat there in a circle talking. then i think it was joyce and ah gong who heard some sounds. later on, everyone heard it too. sounded like a lady humming to me. then we left the place and they wanted to investigate the origin. but by the time we went down, no sound was heard. oh and we went to the red bridge and walked both levels with me n joyce holding on to edwin's pouch. i think we pulled too tightly, almost strangling him. lolx. after that end le we went to sleep. joyce fell aslp much earlier than me.

Thursday and Friday:
woke early as usual. i still cant get used to slping on the floor. the airconditioners were malfunctioning. cold at the wrong time. lolx. ya. anywayx, today we were to find our daddies and mummies at sentosa. we have to go through 9 stations to get to them. i saw terence(pri school clsmate) when i arrived at sentosa. ya. very surprised. hahax. then the exco with us was kenneth and he did most of the talking la. we were all very quiet. minus edgar. lolx. then we walked on the beach to our 3rd station. saw dion( phs choir). i'm like, "Oh my god". but i didn't say who i saw. nobody knows anywayx. lolx. ya. then had our lunch and after that we had a few journeys to and fro from point B to point C and back againx. =.= we took plenty of blue n green line rides la. then finally it ends and we went back to school. really very sticky sia. joyce had to go for cls chalet and then we made use of the time to talk more la. wanted to take a bath b4 dinner but they were saying dinner was soon soon soon but quite long la. hahax. it's funny how you meet people and you can talk alot to some but to others, it seems hard to communicate. haix. after dinner, joyce, ah ma and i went to take our baths. then ah ma thought joyce and i were friends since secondary school. lolx. siew kae asked that b4 too. lolx. joyce and i can like look at each other and knew what we were thinking and laugh together. same frequency. lolx. not being antisocial but it's really hard to talk to the rest of the gals about stuff i tell joyce. very weird. that's why i hardly talk much once joyce left camp. hahax. to think we were still msging throughout the night. dotx. after sending joyce to the mrt station. me n mummy went to join daddy n edwin at the benches and we waited for aijia. then we started laughing and laughing. nonstop. throughout. then we had our mega event cut short. yay! hahax. we did our skit. i was donald duck and i juz stood dere being dumb la. edwin could mimick donald duck lorx. but he wanted to be tt dumb cyclops. hahax. anywayx. had fun. then the seniors stayed with us. most of them. they wanted to stay up all night. i was still waiting for the nitewalk but some wanted to watch their world cup tingy. sianx. finally can go nitewalk around 12 plus i think. all the gals went and there were lesser guys so they had to find all the ppl available to come. today's group was large. then we staked out at foodcourt 1. hearing the guys crapping la. we didn't hear anything at all but we saw shadows flitting around. got this feeling that there were eyes looking at us. boring through us. very creepy. then edwin n liza saw something at the same time. eeeee.. edwin don't look as though he's scared of anything. lolx. then after that we decided to go back. we were walking when suddenly ah gong tapped me on the shoulder la. i think he tapped liza too. then the both of us screamed lorx. scary. we shocked the others. but it's like we were walking with no qualms about anything when suddenly we got tapped on the shoulder. won't you get scared. hahax. went back around 3 plus. then we sat there watching them play videos from youtube. then i fell aslp around 4 plus. woken at 5 by daddy. he was flicking my hair la. zzz. then i sat there talking to him and uncle jason. daddy went to sleep and uncle jason and i went to find uncle darryl and nicole. lolx. then i left and went back to the room, intending to slp but i ended up helping auntie maureen clear the food. didn't really help much though. later on, everyone gathered for the prize presentation. oh. breakfast was the best today. uncle jason sat with auntie joannah, aijia and me. then we saw a dead cockroach on the floor and rest assure, I DID NOT SQUASH IT!! keke. then we dumped that cockroach into the butter spread and tadaa - a butterfly.

hahax. then i contracted teddy's illness. eat liao go toilet. auntie joannah laughed at me la. hahax. then aijia and gang were still very high and they started playing againx. i just sat dere thinking about everything that happened the past few days in camp. i'm gonna miss everything. like what uncle alvin said, remember them la. memories. heex. each family had an award and influenza was the cutest family. hahax. then teddy, siewkae, edwin and me got the filial grandchildren prize. i still dun understand how and why i got it. just stunned there. later on they had speeches la. and i started crying. dumb but i cant help it. i mean i really felt so at home. the warmth of a family. and it's not just any family. a very big family, where everyone are not very familiar with everyone else. yet, the camp seem to have brought almost everyone close together. we know more about one another. we learn to care for one another. we learn alot. we had fun together. and so on. ya. the more i spoked the more i cried. so unglam. hahax. but ya. family shouldn't care much bout such things. you can cry, laugh, throw your face and they'll still be there. hmm. that's about it. oh, and wei xin wants me to write about him. let's see. when going to sentosa, he kept trying to make me look stupid. asking me to look at something far away without telling me what is it. ya. then at nitewalk he kept whistling and trying to scare me. oh.. and when i told him to keep quiet he replied with one whole chunk of rubbish. and he says i had a button on my head where when he press i'll turn my head=.= ya. nothing to say. lolx. oh, and i found out one thing when i was going back with mummy. we have 2 M&J in the choir. lolx. maureen and her, then me and joyce. hahax.

Today:
yupx yupx. i went home yesterday, ate my lunch, took a shower and i juz zonked out on my bed. i onli woke up for dinner and didn't even noticed my dad was home. eat liao and i went back to bed. i onli woke up today at 12 sharp. then i've been trying to blog since then. and still typing and thinking. until now then i complete. right now, we're back to focusing on our individual stuff. projects assignments. school starting. i hope for another camp like this. it's fun. really really fun. okiex. i shall end this long long entry here. take care!!

2006-06-12T11:24:00.000+08:00

my mum said i caught the msn virus=.= dumb but she say it's because i cant talk but only type and type. why? i'm sick that's why. not gaining sympathy but ya, i'm terribly sick. =.=..wth..

today's fom meeting's cancelled, AGAIN. lolx. another two members fell sick. lolx. that includes me. lolx.. is my group jinxed or what? why is it so coincidental? hmm.. hope next week everyone's healthy. lolx. no sickness, no something has cropped up, etc. lolx.

i'm still thinking of what to write for my inspiring story crap. it's pathetic. arghx. no idea what to write. not relevant. oh well. nothing much. but i'm going crazy over ITAB project. practically everyone is clueless about it. no idea of what to do. sighx. that's about it.

take care everyone. ciaox.

2006-06-09T20:16:00.000+08:00

TODAY ARHX!!!!!!!!!!!!!! TIRING SIA!! had to wash my whole self extremely thoroughly. lolx. we went to do our community service at the Salvation Army in serangoon. It was fun but really tiring. yeahx. took alot of photos nehx.. lolx.

we started from 8 plus in the morning till 5 plus in the evening. Duh. yupx. and it was raining too!! NOOO!! anywayx, we were told to sort out clothings most of the time. we had a disgusting encounter with mould. lolx. totally revolting. yeahx. then we priced and counted the quantity in each luggage and sealed the bags. we accomplished alot. ya. and we went ~~gaga~~ wild over the winter clothings. especially children's. SO CUTE!! lolx. i was eyeing the purple one. hehe. then sharul, amalina, kaiyin, sakina and jinhong decided to take a 'family' photo wearing those clothings. very cute sia. hahax. go my friendster and see the pics!! wahahax. i cant upload them. sad..

finally we got down to business and in no time filled quite a number of luggages and tadaa. we completed alot liaox. hahax. yeahx. then there were all kinds of 'surprises' la. nearing the end of the day, we were quite tired though. wonder how the other group fared. we took lotsa pics too!! wahahahx.

not much la. that's about it. lolx. yawn. tired sia. messaged asked joyce what happened today in choir but i might as well have anticipated somebody to call. dotx. ever since he got my no. *faint*.TO JOYCE: you are lucky!! you know what i mean. lolx.. joyce told me ABIT only. hahax. looking forward to camp. but not evergreen!! NOO!! lolx. hope karen, me and joyce will be under joyjoy marmie's group. though it's not very likely. hmm. monday need go do project. confirmed is the correct date liaox.. lolx.

alot of funny funny stuff happened la. just cant recall. having a very bad headache. okiex. that's about it. LINGHUI!! MY DEAR CHILDISH!! wahahahax. bleahx. two weeks not seeing you lehx. lolx. don't miss moi. wahahahax. okiex. i think i can remember this much for the time being. lolx. ciaox

2006-06-08T19:35:00.000+08:00

today very kan chiong sia.. OH MY GOD!! lolx... see arhx.. yesterday night, allena called to ask me today want watch movie or not. lolx. but the problem lies here!!! i need to do the stupid ITAB project!! arghx..

ANYWAYX.. i thought of going ANG MO KIO do project de. BUT HOR, ~~SOMEONE by the name of~~ WEN SHAO ~~used the fom lecturer's tactics on me~~ kept saying: "It's your choice, but i still have to go back to school to pass something. It's your choice, nevermind de, we can go AMK, don't have to go back to school. It's your choice." =.= don't that sound familiar?? lolx..

yupx. then on the train he wanted play some goondu game. ~~which as you know, goondu people like him play de la.~~ but i didn't entertain him. wahahahax. bleahx. then we went biz library and saw elaine, joel and martin there. or so i think. then the gal at the back turned her head and it was the one and only lye wei xin who didn't even remember to reply my message. hmmphx. i was worried about her la. thinking that wait she cant do community service lorx. thought she was still in malaysia la. *faint*

then we worked on our ITAB project but didn't accomplish much. we did manage to finish our ec e-learning and I was so kind to help 'childish' with the FOM quiz la. and she got a score of 80 lorx. what the.. win liaox. i got on the dot la. 70 nia. i shant help her anymore. lolx. yupx. after that we met up with elaine they all and went to bugis la. laugh and laugh as usual. seems like i've been laughing alot ever since i entered poly. good. hahax. but too much laughter gives wrinkles also. lolx. dotx. hmm. we went ajisen eat and yupx. had an unusual encounter with a 'big head'. wahahax. end up it was because of the ~~don't know who~~ guo mei mei la. think she's spokesperson for ajisen. lolx. so skinny in person. and erm ~~martin~~ they said she's much prettier in person. lolx. erm yax. then we started gossiping. regretting againx. sighx. i cant stop talking la. and it's like turning into a bad habit. i totally despise myself sia. i've no rights to make any comments yet i cant help making them!! rahx.. bahx. whatever.

hmmm. oh later on i rushed over to J8 meet allena they all. feel so apologetic. i mean they have to wait for me till so late la. guilty. and allena's flying back to hongkong tomorrow!! i just didn't want to miss the chance to talk to her!! sobx sobx. sighx. oh well. then we went on a shooting craze. took photos. lolx. ~~especially those crazy ones in the ladies la..~~ lolx. dotx. haix. got the neoprints that we took the other time. we all look so gothic, as though we've put on mascara. freaky. lolx.. funny. yupx. that's about it. sighx. still got projects!! ah!!! sighx. sickening. ciaox^_^

mental breakdown

2006-06-05T20:38:00.000+08:00

OH MY GOD!!! I'm totally blur sia.. *faint*.. paisei peepx. i mixed up the time and date that we're meeting for fom project and got my friends confused and panicky. lolx. anywayx, i felt so embarrassed la. haiyo. sobx.

anywayx. yupx. then today got choir practice. as usual, me and joyce laugh.. lolx. and we spoke to jack la. wahahahax. joyce got lecture and left me alone. so sad.*cry*.. lolx.. =.= ya. then it was torture training today. lolx. altos got sectionals then after that go prac. yupx. then so few people. sobx. lolx. yupx. erm. then SA went out for warm-ups and blah blah blah. then later joyce come liao. saved!! hahahax. then we keep laughing then the WEI XIN horx. ~~eyed us with HATRED!!~~ raised his eyebrows. lolx.. hahax. then the more we talk the more absurd our conclusions were. so funny. laugh and laugh. dotx. ya.

after that we going home that time. then ~~that~~ jack spoked to joyce then he say i looked like jap AGAIN!! what's his obsession with JAP??? dot dot dotx. oh then, i had a very ~~weird~~ interesting journey home today. i took the train home with jack!! =.= ~~what the.~~ ya. then after he left, i spoke to joyce on the phone. and we started laughing againx. dotx. hahax. right. this friday cant go choir. i'll miss joyce. sobx. then if sing S2?!?!!?!? wahx.. sad. sighx.

weixin ~~actually~~ spoke to me and joyce and asked if we did sing amidst our giggles. hahax. dotx. whatever. looks like we laughed too much. embarrassing sia. sighx. altos gambatte!! hai! lolx. zzz.

e-learning week, then got alot of assignments still. and so little time!! i'm practically left with only two days at home. i think. sobx. pek chek. ~~breaking down soon ba.~~ zzz. whatever. end here. 'cause i forget what to type liaox. lolx. sorriex. ciaox.

sucks

2006-06-03T16:02:00.000+08:00

blah blah blah. what to say?? hmm.

recap: yesterday, 2 june 06
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~~was 'dolling' myself up early in the morning.~~ zzz. i woke at 7 to study for my POA but couldn't get anything into my head. i told my mum that i'm going to do badly for POA 'cause i totally don't know what to do about it. i don't expect much. yupx. then i sat at the kitchen table and eat, and eat, and practically eat. duhx. yupx. then, ~~eat too much,~~ had a stomachache. rushed to the toilet. wahahahax. and guess what, i was late in meeting Ling Hui, AGAIN. super late. i left house at the time we were suppose to meet la. dotx. then told her to wait at jurong east for me. lolx. thanks ~~childish~~ gal. you're a great pal!!=)

anywayx. yupx. then first lesson of the day - POA lecture. and then it just goes on and on. i noticed this ~~cute~~ guy sitting diagonally in front of me=X. Cute as in, he don't look our age but more those primary school kids look. hahax. then after lecture, we realised he forgot his file. then we told him. wahahahx. so funny. back to the point. yupx.

jinhong came only after EC. yupx. and Ling Hui was crapping AS USUAL. heex. bleahx. then nevermind. FOM group changed. now's Jun Wei, Kai Yin, Li Ming, Jin Hong and me. and we settled on doing the music and entertainment industry. hahax. and on monday, we're starting our project. wahahahx. but it might burn a hole in our pockets. hehex. then we went to eat AGAIN. hahax. i ate mash potato AGAIN and curry puff. yupx. then after that was our POA test liaox. headed for the room and we started. 3 questions but it was enough to make me panic. i knew i screwed up the 2nd question. i just hope i've managed a pass. yupx yupx. then end that time i left for choir with Joyce. only then, did i realise that the ~~cute cute~~ boy was in her class la. dotx. hahax. yupx.

we went choir just when they were having sectionals and starting a new song. phew. but that song was in spanish and quite hard. as matthew went quite fast. altos couldn't catch it. neither did i=( sad. we're meeting earlier this monday before choir practice to learn that song at a slower pace. then me and joyce were like laughing and laughing, AS USUAL. hahax. yupx. most people not here though. knew someone new - nicole. and karen and ai jia got come. hahax. poor karen. heex. yupx yupx. then i asked joyce about that ~~kawaii looking~~ boy and she burst out laughing, saying he's 2 years older than us!! i'm like, er... hahax. funny. but i'm not interested in him. just that he looks ~~so kiddish~~ boyish. wahahahx. then joyce asked me about someone too. and i laughed back. he's actually ~~better-looking than the other one, more noticeable~~ good-looking. right. hahax. erm. okiex la. ~~just that he very zuai one.~~ hahax.

then erm, that weixin, don't know spelling correct or not, ya. anywayx, yupx. ~~that weixin from choir~~ he took over conducting la. then me and joyce started laughing again. hahax. very bad right but erm ya. then he thought we don't know our notes. actually i don't know where he was at which point la. ~~then wasn't concentrating ma.~~ got confused ma. hahax. yupx. but ~~i admire~~ his way of conducting. like a real conductor. steady sia. hahax. haix. oh then after that got our camp itinery and list of what to bring. and knew that there's practices on mon and fri next week!! OH MY GOD!! i cant make it *faint*. haix. dotted sia. nevertheless, i shall try to come on monday. but fri got community service. totally a nono. i really cant go. hahax. anywayx. yupx. then after that karen they all left first while i waited for joyce to ask about the camp stuff. then that jack stayed back. i thought they call him stay back one lorx. turn out that he stayed back on his own will.

after that joyce left liao. then i waited for maureen and joy joy ~~mummies~~ at the mrt platform. lolx. ~~kena 'scolded' by them.~~ wahahahax. but they so good pei me take until yishun though their destination was woodlands. *touched*. lolx. dotx. then we talked alot la. and i know more about them and vice versa. hahax. they even enlightened me about something. i'm truly glad i waited for them. at least my mind is cleared of one doubt. wahahahax. ~~daddy~~ ernest pangseh!!!! wahahahax. dotx. crazy piggy!! WHATEVER.

right. I GOT MY PHONE BACK!! wahahahax. missed it so much. ~~at least the handphone charger is easier to use during camp la.~~ hahahax. dotx. yay!! all my pics and contacts still intact. so happy!! heex..okiex. think i'll end here ba. hahax. take care peepx. happy hols!!

2006-06-01T19:30:00.000+08:00

a compliment today by dennis ng: wenxiang's group improved alot since their previous project.

lolx. and we laughed. that project was like we copied and pasted la. so ya. practicaly didn't expect much la. but this one.. so so. we even put our report into a black file for him. like those real important proposal kind. and the sad thing is, my conclusion didn't sound like one. nevertheless, applaud for sharul, sheila, elaine, wenxiang and linghui!!!! *clap* you guys are great sia!! hahax. yupx. but next FOM PBL another group liao. hahax.

I'M ADDICTED TO MASH POTATO!!! =.=

right, i'm becoming a panda soon. dotx.. anywayx. yupx. ~~that stupid dumb piggy idiotic tall~~ daddy ernest has chose to put the blame on me for not letting him sleep when in actual fact is he didn't allow me to and kept scolding me too!! hmmphx. i ~~hate~~ loathe you! oh well.. life's like that.

i just told a pretty bad lie. i'm gonna tell another to a different person. all because i don't want to hurt them further. i'm sorrie=(

oh ya. linghui said she washes her hair with 'hairdresser's ~~brain~~ brand of shampoo.' lolx. that's her exact words. heex.
sad right. what a pity. hahax. dotx. i'm extremely 'high' today la. don't know why. to cover up how i'm actually feeling? a facade. yeahx. wahahahax. kept singing and practically driving linghui nutx. hahax.

right. feeling down all of a sudden. i've no rights to decide, no rights to choose. i'm not even capable of making the right choice. i'm not worth any choices being made. a worthless person. wahahahax. cant remember what i wanted to say. shrugx. that's about it. ciaox.

2006-05-31T20:25:00.000+08:00

i managed to pull through my japanese test. weixin and i did quite okiex for the oral. and same goes for the paper, i think. now my focus is on FOM presentation and POA test. sighx. what sadness.

hmm. ate the mashed potato again. the one with the brown gooey gravy on top. saltish but i'm addicted to it. wahahax. piggy daddy 'suaned' me again. sick la he. hmmphx. after jap i went choir room to rot with daddy, matt, joannah and alvin. they were playing CS la. dot dot dotx. daddy also plays MAPLE you know. ZZZ. wahahahx. bleahx. yupx yupx.

i went school with linghui today, 'cause she has CO. lolx. then after that i rotted one hour at the choir room. then she say she okie le. then i 'pangseh' daddy go home with her. wahahahax. who ask him always bully me. dotx.

that was damn childish. i meant me. i don't deny the fact that i'm childish though. i know i am. lolx. heard others' FOM ppt are good. i worry for us. sighx. what to do?? *shake head* let's make the best out of it. hai! GAMBATTE!!

2006-05-31T12:23:00.000+08:00

i feel like a stranger. i'm detached from my roots in PHS. detached from the connections to the people there. are my good friends still my good friends? is my best friend still my best friend? all of us have our own lives. but they still keep in touch. and me? i'm so out of the place. *thinking too much*.

there's japanese language test today. all jitters. i'm scared i cant pronounce the words. i'm always scared 'cause i don't want to stand up and face my problems. i'm selfish, stressed...

2006-05-30T08:08:00.000+08:00

now having itab.. stupid.. yesterday me and linghui collided and banged our heads against each other. all because she wanted to see the whiteboard and i wanted to ask her the time. lolx... zzz...

jap test is brought forward to wednesday!! i have to study study study all day long. still need to go back. sad. haix. linghui stresses me sia. sighx. i see her so calm and smart i feel really inferior. want to cry. *sniff*

went for choir yesterday. so few guys went la. then the piggy got go also. stupid sia. lolx. joyce and i were like laughing throughout the practice. laugh laugh laugh. lolx. then karen also got infected. wahahax. throat was hurting though. alot of people were tired and sick. we saw jack. we decided to say 'hi' next time!! haha. dotx. hmm.

today mum's birthday. eating pizza!! wahahahax. don't be jealous sia.

'daddy' don't jealous worx. i know you'll hate me. wahahax. hate is loving too deeply. bleahx. joannah tortures her juniors. so bad right? haiyo. camp so far our group of girls like only joyce, karen and me going. joyce gotta go off early though. sighx. oh well. me and karen must 'xiang yi wei ming'. wahahax. *goosebumps*. okiex. joy joy and maureen me mummies nehx.. then ernest piggy is moi's daddy although he don't want to be. hahax. he's not going to talk to me againx. zzz.

ciao.

2006-05-27T09:41:00.000+08:00

i'm plainly sick of myself. i feel like jumping down from one tall building and just kill myself. i feel like causing physical injuries to myself, feel the pain. i feel like going to the beach and scream, and burst out crying. i feel juz plainly sick.

i don't know myself anymore. i don't know who i am. i don't know when's the real me. i don't know which facade i'm using when with certain peepx. sighx. slap me awake....

the day before, i didn't manage to update much. econs was a killer. and when parents say it's your first time, it's all right if you didn't do well, there's this feeling they're being sarcastic. yupx. when the results come, you're in for a big time. dot dot dotx.

last wednesday, i went to repair my stupid hp at the stupid shop in stupid causeway. i dislike their service sia. anywayx. yupx. then met linghui 'cause she so kind as to wake early to accompany me to VCH to collect my dumb embarrassing certificate. lolx. and she was lame throughout sia. HA HA HA=.= then she said raffles place got shopping centre then we walked to the mrt station. end up see all workng peepx and we were like out of place. no shopping centre. apparently she got raffles place and raffles city mixed up. lolx. yupx. then we walked back to city hall. blah blah blah. then we went city link de mph bookstore and stood there browsing through the section where all the horoscope books are. then go SP for dumb aids talk which did take place but we weren't even supposed to be present. then linghui went home. and weixin, jinhong and me went city hall. AGAIN for me. i just came back from there la. dotx. then the story goes on about what happened but i rather not update. ya.

thursday. nothing much. panicky about the econs thing la. then pacc was like only a few of us went. blah blah blah.

yesterday, we realised that there's going to be a jap. test next week. me and weixin were like "oh my god". yupx. we were laughing and laughing all the time in the jap. class la. we still have to bring forward our jap. test due to the pacc test on fri. after jap. class. i rushed to the dance studio and was in time to hear them sing 'one world'. quite nice. but i was quite blurred. then went clementi with the seniors for dinner. JOY's not here. lolx. but still got maureen. wahahax. we didn't eat mac this time round. we went S11 eat. and i ordered this big bowl of minced meat meepok which i didn't manage to finish. it was kinda unpleasant. the guys senior were talking about 'us' againx. dotx. we're plain normal friends. diaox. blah blah blah.

hmmm. what next? pacc test. jap. test. FOM project!!!! AHH!!!!!!!! kaiyin say i kan cheong. wahhahax. i also stress sia. she still cant come to my blog la. must change blogskin. wahahahx. okiex. looking forward to next mon's prac. oh, there's gonna be choir camp in the hols and they made us sign an indemnity form. make that two. one for choir and the other for the school. and it sounded like we are gonna do something risky that would cause our death. and my mum don't wanna sign. dotx.

2006-05-25T13:23:00.000+08:00

bored... headache... rahx.... zzz.. lame.. in statistics tutorial now. very sianx. sighx. wenshao is so irritating. haiyo.. sitting beside me and singing... EEEEEEEEE!!!!! lolx. dotx.

later got econs. how how how?? i'm panicking. sighx. i don't wanna solve my problems. i wanna run awayx. sobx...

yesterday was a tiring day. i'll update more once i remember what to say. ate 3 cups of ice cream!!! yayx. dotx. hole in the pocket liaox. what else? go home then type ba. here so dotx.

ciaox..

2006-05-23T20:02:00.000+08:00

i have decided... something dumb but ya. i will try my very best to forgive and forget, to be less petty and be more cheerful=.= do you think i can do it? i'm like. abit abit lorx.. i bear grudges easily sia. i try so hard to see the good of people. and i'm starting to change my opinion of someone. erm.. make that a few la. lolx. my face always black black de i also know. i want to smile and laugh and cry and go mad. but i just cant and wouldnt.

erhem.. linghui arhx.. i saw what you wrote on your blog. you childish la. lolx. bleahx. hahax. act cute!! heex.. i know you love me de. hahax. dotx. *goosebumps*. hahax. hmmm. see arhx. i never enjoy anything okiex? i was paying attention to the lecturer and not him lorx. dot dot dotx. you peepx saved two seats for the air la. lolx. lucky kaiyin so good. hahax. right... yesterday choir and is totally slack lorx. then the choral coordinator was like going through the song with such haste we couldnt catch up. lolx. conductor never come againx. he so sick lorx. sad. hahax. anywayx. yupx. then joyce and i were like laughing and talking and guffawing? hahax. funny. yupx. me and lynette were told to PRACTISE the scores at home. but we decided to leave it to the talented male pianist. wahahahx. then joyce and i were like relying on each other for the right notes la. funny. joy left early though. got test must study. hahax. then raine sore throat never come. dotx. 'sunny' boy came without his tinted glasses BUT a cap. lolx. wonder how he can see under such 'dim' lighting. lolx. i made peace with ernest liao. dot dot dotx. so poor thing. hahax. oh ya. JONATHAN HENG is in choir la!! lolx. joyce told me ai jia brought her friend along and that friend is him lorx. we didnt meet each other last fri. 'cause i went late and he left early. dotx.

today!!! hmm.. i got paranoid la. ya. dotx. duhx. whatever. i didnt do econs tutorial 4!! arghx!! sobx. many people noticed the scar by my right eye. sobx. linghui is to blame!! wahahax. joking. so pain sia. i don't even know what caused that scratch la!! ask linghui, she'll tell you something lame. sobx. i'm becoming more and more subdued and kan kai liaox. but that linghui horx.. HAIX.. don't want to say her de. BUT HOR... she getting LAMER and LAMER!! mix with us too much liaox. my lameness pass give her liaox. now she lames i listen. lolx. wenshao sad sad today lehx. so quiet sia. not like him. *shake head*. statistics as usual is not understandable and we just sat there talking. yupx yupx.

after that go home liaox!! yayx! hahax. weixin went clementi and the rest of us, AS USUAL, went home la. lolx. econs CA1 on THURSDAY!!!! and we still have stupid aids talk to attend tomorrow! dotdotdotx. i have to go collect my piano cert. at VCH somemore. then go repair my dumb dumb phone. i keep dropping the phone la. stupid right. then spoil liao then satisfied. lolx. dotx. hmm.. guess nothing much. oh ya. i-weekly is so mini this week. hahax. to celebrate 25th anniversary of the magazine. hahax. funny. okiex. gotta go study liaox. sobx. ciaox!!

2006-05-20T11:58:00.000+08:00

everyone saw my outburst yesterday. i feel bad sia. i mean i'm scolding 'that person' AGAIN. in case nobody knows. zzz. right. the way he answered when people talk to him is like: "why should i ask you guys? you should come find me yourselves." what the heck.

everyone is so displeased with him. almost everyone. i just cant stand it. arghx. it makes me boil. i mean he calls and ask for points about how he can change but HE IS NOT MAKING AN EFFORT to CHANGE. our advices fell on deaf ears. why bother asking when you don't even bother to try to change? i have no rights to say you but i really cant stand your attitude towards the class. ya. and at least give due respect to people who are talking - presenting.

sighx. i really don't know what to do. tell me what to do?? i don't know how to trust him anymore. dotx.
yesterday after jap. i went for choir. just stepped in and kena called by edmund to play the piano. lame sia. i was like, stunned right there. why me?? i keep asking them then they say 'cause i grade 8 liaox. zzz. i mean you don't really have to be of the highest grade to qualify or even be deemed as someone talented. some people are born talented but i'm not. i struggle and struggle to get decent grades, to manage my time, to pass my exams. duhx. what's more is that i merely scrapped a pass for my piano exam. that was 'cause i didn't care enough to practise 8 hours every day. o hate theories, especially. i don't like to read and read and read. darn. i'm not the studious type i guess. i don't have any determination and am fickle-minded. lolx.

after choir, was the only year 1 who went for dinner with the year 2 batch. duhx. we went clementi's macdonalds and they just sat there eating and chatting. right. hmm. maureen and joy are like so quiet sia. then i'm much more acquainted with them so it was like, we sat there listening to them talk. after that take mrt go home. duhx. and the seniors started teasing and crapx. so awkward sia. maureen took to boon lay. at least i still have joy with me until yew tee. lolx. then she left and i'm left alone. boohoo. dot dot dotx. sighx. oh well.

he's a nice guy and i'm touched by his actions. but yet, i don't wanna hurt him. i'm running away; escaping from this predicament. i loathe it. haix. oh well. i must try hard to let go. ciaox=(

stupid ass

2006-05-14T20:15:00.000+08:00

it's stupid stupid stupid. projects are important, yes. especially graded ones. but you don't have to do it to the extent of TOTAL PERFECTION. i'm just so fed up right now. in the state of pre-presentation anxiety mode. okiex, i made that up. right. but i'm really stumped as to what to do!?!!?

my head hurts alot. i wish to bang it on the walls. perhaps one day, it'll burst and all the brain juice will flow out. or you'll probably see a shrivelled brain. it's contracting, squeezing the thoughts in my mind. the brain is about to explode!!! don't force me to go back to that psychotic doctor>_<

nobody's perfect!! nonono!!! the class most probably won't even want to go in depth about the presentation. jia lat la. i'm really really really getting hysterical. i think i'm most suitable to be in that stupid institute of mental health!!

2006-05-12T21:00:00.000+08:00

fun fun lame lame today. lolx. it's vesak day which is equivalent to a public holiday!! yay! i get to go out with my dear friends. we wanted to watch 'when a stranger calls' but we extended the duration at kbox. lolx. funny. and mingli go choose children songs. stupid sia. yupx. there were only 4 of us - allena, adeline, mingli and me. sad. but we were quite high in kbox. embarrassing but fun!! yeahx! hahax.

yupx. and after that we started taking pics with our phones. and kept deleting and retaking. hahax. later on, went to take neoprints. lishan managed to come!! yupx. and we took the neoprints. yay! hahax. dotx. after that, we went to the arcade and they played daytona. we saw some familiar peepx. hahax. yupx. and then i surveyed them about the ipod and creative thing againx. and adeline gave her comment which i thought was quite useful. hahax. funny. yupx. anywayx. we had to go our separate ways as it was getting late. sad. too short timing. we didn't join the rest of the class for dinner. sobx. hahax. hmm. i think that's about it.

mon's d-day for cd project!! i'm getting jittery. i'm afraid i'll be dumbfounded if anybody asks any questions. i think my topic is hard to elaborate? shrugx. right, okiex. i have tons of work and project left incomplete. must chiong liaox!! hahax. sighx. cant help being sad la.

i don't want to hurt you. just.. you know what i want to say. sorriex. i'm a bad bad girl.

2006-05-09T19:57:00.000+08:00

hmm... resolved? i don't know. sighx. problems never cease coming in. i have so much on my mind and yet, i cant do anything at all. sighx. maybe it's meant to be that way.

someone had said i was childish and i don't deny that fact. who's not childish? everyone has at least a teeny weeny bit of childishness in them. it depends on whether they want to show it or not. dotx. right. anywayx, about the previous entry, right, i was talking to the person involved about that. and somehow or rather, i started feeling awful. i've no rights to judge anybody but i'm sure everyone are entitled to their own views. it just so happens that i express them out. perhaps i was blinded by my prejudism? maybe. and i sincerely apologise. right.

poly doesn't seem relaxing. to me. maybe i have not yet manage my time well. yupx. so sad. there's tons and tons of assignments and projects and yet, so little time. it's usually that way. nobody has enough time to do anything. it's always " not enough time" for peepx.

A massive migraine's back again. i don't wanna go back to that dumb neurosurgeon. he's so sleepy. zzz. ate a panadol on an empty stomach and i bore the consequences. felt nauseous after lunch. the sweet linghui gave me made it worse. lolx. because i felt more like puking. my gastric was at work. i'm one stubborn mule. i know some things are harmful to me and yet i still go and do them.

hmm.. i guess i think too much. but because i'm a pessimist, i'm either pleasantly surprised or proven right. that's a quotation i found from a website. quite true. hahax. maybe i really belong to the institute of mental health. at least it won't be stressful there and i can truly go nutters. maybe i'm schzophrenia, it's that how it's spelt? no idea. but ya. i keep hearing things and keep thinkin i'm one against everyone. everyone despises me. i'm better off dead. okiex, that sounds so like depression. nonono!! i cant fall back onto that track. I DON'T WANT TO!! sobx. sighx. whatever.

today it's quite quiet. okiex. it's totally quiet. i mean it's usually all talks and eats during break times but since peanut butter was absent, therefore i find no one to counter with. that strawberry kept making me laugh. sounds funny. yupx. and kaya and blackcurrant were quiet. i was feeling hyper in the morning but soon felt so tired i could only laugh and lame for seconds but not minutes. that monk also very quiet today. we're both weird creatures so it's easy to empathise with each other. lolx. dotx. oh well. nothing much. but i keep mixing up my econs stuff. sighx.

i've made a decision but is it the right choice?? am i to go forward and forget the past? to accept or not to accept?

2006-05-06T13:18:00.000+08:00

what is wrong with YOU??? you volunteered to be the class rep and we went ahead with it. nobody objected or anything k.. it's stupid to ask you to relax but ya. please do RELAX!! you're driving the class crazy okiex.. even those who don't show their unhappiness had this 'pissed off' look on their face. GIVE US A BREAK! GIVE YOURSELF A BREAK!

when you volunteered for this, you should have known that you've great responsibility. you cant force anyone to do what you want. you have to earn their respect not demand respect. i told you that every single person deserves many chances till a certain extent but right now, you seem to have struck out. you ask for perfection but you don't ask for help. you order people around. what is wrong with you? so what if you're one year older? does that give you a right to order us? treat us like your minions?? you're not a king, we're NOT YOUR servants. WE ARE YOUR FRIENDS!!! can't you see the difference?? furthermore, because YOU didn't want to get scolded by the teachers, you had to push us to get satisfying results. we're not here to be ordered around. we are here to learn and work as a class. need i spell it out? C-L-A-S-S!

i messaged you last night to tell you to relax. i had a hard time to cool down myself. but i thought i should let you know how i felt. that's what friends are for. to help and correct one another's mistakes. so you're pissed at us. so am i at you. i've tolerated you about things i've said before and tried to empathise with you but now i cant. correct me if i'm wrong, but i don't recall you telling us to call up the organisations. the next thing you're gonna say if i ever said that is: can't i use my common sense? right, i LEFT it AT home.

have you thought about what would happen if almost all the organisations have vacancies but you've to turn down their offers one by one? you should confirm which organisation you want to help and what you are sure you can and want to do before calling them up. it reflects badly on the school. you asked people for help and when they want to help, you turn them down. what would they think? that's my opinion and mine alone. not others so if you ever happen to chance upon MY blog, and you are unhappy with what i've typed, come find me and talk things out. and it's ME and not anyone else.

another matter which i TRULY DON"T WANNA bring up! i don't know who told you about what happened on kaiyin's birthday but i want to say that IT'S OVER. let bygones be bygones. you don't have to go around telling people what happened on that day. same goes for that person whoever she is. NO OFFENSE. it's just that it's over so why bring it up again. and nobody mentioned it until you told me about it. someone said i was so pissed off that day. yes i was but it's not totally because of that reason. it's just due to the lack of time and better planning. NOT BLAMING ANYBODY. i told you that it's over and don't bring it up again. and yet you've to tell someone else about it. so it turns out that me and so-and-so are the bad guys la. it's SO LONG AGO and i don't see why it has to be spread around until it's said that i quarrelled with someone that day. what the heck are you trying to do??? sow discord among one another??

The CCK thing: whatever unhappiness that happened should not be mentioned. want to talk things out but end up it becomes worse. fine, that's my fault. sorry. and i'm truly apologetic. to whoever is involved and knows what happened that day, you know who i'm referring to. and i wish that it be kept mum and not said to anybody. i don't need the whole world to know what happened there. and don't ask me what happened. please don't go around telling people about it. i trust you people won't but someone just betrayed that trust. nobody washes their dirty linens in the public. is this the saying? it's something like that. but ya, you get the idea. i just don't understand why bad stuff and rumours spread like wildfire but good ones are often hushed. because bad ones are more interesting?? i don't mind rumours, as long as they are just for plain fun and nobody gets hurt but bad stuff are like, harmful to bonds and relationships between and among people. the mouth is yours, you can say what you want but i advise you not to. the more you say the worse things will become.

i had made a vow not to type about bad stuff and that i shant gossip. but it's like gossipping is natural for people and i cant help it because i'm forced to when i cant tolerate anymore. it's just something i can't stop. i've tried and i can't. or maybe i didn't try hard enough. for this, i apologise to those people i've talked about, i apologise to those whose ears suffered from my complaints and rants. i apologise for my straightforwardness and i apologise for being so blunt and that i have a face that is always unsmiling and that i always seem pissed off about something. i apologise for being so lame. let's see, should i name all the people i should apologise to?? i don't think so. okiex. i'll summarise it. i apologise to my class, DBA1A07 and to the facilitators. yupx.

sorry seems the hardest word to say? i don't know. to me, i think i've said sorry umpteen times till it has lost its value. forgive and forget. everybody makes mistakes. talk things out. some things are better left alone but some things should be straightened out. something like that. nobody's perfect. and nobody should force others to respect him/her. i really hope the bond in the class will be stronger and that nobody's mad at anybody. everyone has their own unique personality and everyone else should accept that fact and try to work in harmony. maybe it's too much to ask. but i hope one day, my wish will come true.

wow! my longest entry!! sorry! ciao^_^

2006-05-03T11:31:00.000+08:00

boring nehx... wahx... sianx.. so much to do.. missed one day of school and you can say bye-bye to understanding the rest.. must follow amalina - read textbooks sia! lolx..

hmm.. linghui and i've been worrying that we've forgotten to bring things almost every single day.. but usually end up is someone else who forgets.. hahax..

rumours are very disturbing.. lolx.. yesterday econs lecture, the lecturer was saying something bout rumours, and DEAR linghui repeated what she said to me.. but.. i DID retaliate.. hahax.. pink panther worx... hehex..

sianx.. i think i getting heart attack soon lehx.. hahax.. eat too much.. my heart dere always pain.. weird weird.. i'm dying... wheee!!! =.=

i'm really becoming lamer and lamer la... sianx... oh well.. nothing much....

i'm caught in the middle... shld i hope and stand by? or shld i go forward and accept?? sighx....

2006-04-27T19:34:00.000+08:00

OH MY GOD!!!! guess i say until so harsh and dotx.. i'm not referring to Elaine by the way k. but at least i've cleared the misunderstandings le.. yupx.. lolx.

boring day... i'm actually quiet lorx.. i mean much subdued than previous days. don't say i not good la but i actually is giving linghui chance to talk. hahax. joking

sobx.. it's really saddening. i've suddenly lost the mood to study lehx.. die le lorx.. it's like so profound till i really don't know. waiting for linghui to explain gimme. 9 pts gal. wahahax. bleahx. yupx.

HA HA HA!! WEN SHAO LATE TODAY!!! dotx... ORBI siax.. mrt don't take go take bus. ORBI arhx!! lolx. and horx. i very ke lian lorx. today go home with linghui and jinhong as usual. then guess what. I kena shoot at almost the whole journey.. heex. muz exaggerate abit. lolx. so PITIFUL right? 2 against 1 lorx. where got such logic de. lolx. linghui can understand la. i always shoot her ma. lolx. now give her chance retaliate. see, i so good. lolx. dotx.

yupx, tomorrow first jap class!! don't know will make any new friends or not. sobx. hope got people take same mrt line as me. hahax. i don't want go home alone! lolx. tuesdays also cant go home with linghui le. sobx. why? because she got STUPID VIOLIN lorx. lolx. k la, i mondays and fridays got choir and jap class respectively la. lolx.

class tension almost gone ba. actually i didn't feel anything lorx. is wenshao say then i anyhow say de. dotx. it's so stupid. lame. throw all these unhappy thoughts into a bottle and fling it out into the sea. yea! then all happy. no conflicts. peace and harmony!!! woohoo!!! lame.. wah, getting lamer and lamer. sobx. because i 'click' with a weird creature so end up lame with that weird creature. sad right. sobx. must combine our weirdness and shoot people back worx. dotx. ciaox

2006-04-26T10:23:00.000+08:00

i have a naturally black face. i cant help it. it's not that i'm always pissed. is just that i don't find the need to smile all the time. my dad has the same problem. and my mum told me to take a deep breath every morning and look into the mirror and smile.

the problem is that i cant. 'cause there's class politics which i'm sick and tired of. it's not even two weeks and the class has disputes le. what the... i shant bother about it. but i would like to say that i don't like people putting the blame on others when it's their OWN fault. and don't try to put words into others' mouths la. please lorx. nobody's perfect. everyone sure got something they're not happy about. talk things over. miscommunication is inevitable.

the class is split into two sides. no unity. we must unite but can we? no. why? because nobody tries. don't always hold yourself responsible for anything that's going wrong. get help, lend a helping hand. but some people need to be asked before they'll help. like me. i know it's abit dua pai but ya. i've often helped and always end up making things worse so i rather wait to see if people need help before i offer. dotx.

if people don't like you, please reflect. perhaps it's your attitude and how you behave. every single person must learn to give and take. don't be spoiltbratx like me. ya. to make the class a better place, please cooperate.

i'm told i looked fucking pissed on kaiyin's birthday. I apologise once again. and let's keep this among those who were there. why bother telling those who weren't there? so as to get them to sympathise with you? to stand at your side? to support your views? no way!! everyone deserves a chance. many in fact. but only until it's intolerable. then you can forget about even asking for forgiveness.

i don't speak out or say out how i feel because i don't wanna create more unhappiness. i tend to be a very straightforward person. you want to play at being ambiguous. i'll play with you. but mind me, one day when i can tolerate no more, be sure i'll explode and definitely for the worse. so if you don't like me, i can do nothing. i have an attitude i'm told but i don't know what exactly. being too soft is a crime. being too hard is a sin. so what's right? i don't know.

end of a week

2006-04-21T20:55:00.000+08:00

Ladies and gentlemen... it's the end of my first week at SP! dotx... anywayx, today is kaiyin's birthday and we had planned to celebrate.but apparently, it wasn't the whole class celebrating and the whole atmosphere was kinda tense due to communication breakdown between both parties. everyone's kinda tired after a long day and furthermore, we had to wait till 5 to be able to start celebrating. what's this? it was supposedly a happy event but end up everyone's kind of fed up.

i admit i was already feeling quite pissed off. and she's stressed up too. partly our fault for not helping but they are the more active members of the class and it's like they have decided that anything is their's to plan. relax la. you cannot possibly be responsible for everything.

the party: the miscommunication caused by a particular member had caused everyone to feel pissed. yupx. but it's a birthday celebration. you should just give the birthday gal face right. her boyfriend also very unhappy lorx. or so we assumed. by his 'nice' face.

BUT... it's OVER.. so no point brooding over it la. ya. basically like that. and can you believe it. I'm so tempted to tell that guy not to be led by the nose la. he has become zou gou lorx. that person so big mehx. dotx. zzz.

don't know what to say. forget le. ya. oh, and today's mood swing is due to my stupid wisdom tooth that's trying to push its way outta my gum. so pain la. call wisdom for what. dotx. ciao.

fun

2006-04-13T11:36:00.000+08:00

went for the 3 day orientation for sp.. very fun.. yupx.. but i cant really go into details.. cos i forgot. hahax. yupx. my class attendance is like 19/20. and i'm actually in the same class as huangyong. sad. the absentee's in some npcc camp. my class facilitators are quite sociable and fun - allen and binghui. my class rocks! woohoo.. went flag day yesterday. yupx. it was quite okay. yupx. i just wish the 3 gals would interact with us and not keep to themselves. yeahx. okiex. i have to admit i'm lazy to type such a long entry and since i won't seem to be able to have anymore time to blog, i think i shall keep every entry short. try, unless i happen to have interesting facts. lolx. k, take care guys. i really miss you peepx. lolx. ciao

2006-04-03T17:38:00.000+08:00

so long never update le. very lazy. slacking by playing escape-the-room games. very fun. got hooked on those games. yupx. and i miss school. miss the peepx and teachers and lessons. mathematics, literature, choir, etc. and the gatherings too. though it's not full attendance. yupx. it's like all of a sudden those people you call your good friends simply forgets you once you're out of view and their lives. dot dot dotz. i can count the number of people who still keeps in touch with you, even though you're two places apart, with one hand!! pathetic. welcome to the real world? dotted. senseless la. is it hard to just once awhile keep in touch. like sending a message? email? phone call? letter? zzz. all lost. oh well. i've taken to indulge in book reading. my languages are getting worse and worse. i seem to either give the wrong pronounciation or totally forget the phrase or use the wrong words. yup yup yupx. i'm heading for singlish. dotted. fine. whatever.

the latest hfmd made me laugh out loud. usually, some people will just wash their hands with tap water after using the toilets but due to hfmd, i see many people noticing how important hygiene is. they start to wash their hands with soap AND water. yeahx. i don't admit i'm one of them. how people start to realise how important some things are only when calamity strikes. blah blah blah. making sense? no. i thank whosoever bothers to click my link and read my blog. but don't bother. i update irregularly. and it's been like how long since the last entry?? yupx. thanks for your time. ciao=)

zzz

2006-03-01T10:11:00.000+08:00

i'm nagged at again.zzz. is it so hard to just be able to use the com every single day? i just don't get it. then she'll start saying that i'm wasting electricity and keep lazing at home. she banned me from the com. for 4 days. ya right. i shouldn't compare myself with others. they can use is their problem but you're not to use every single day. so unfair to your sisters. i mean they've school, what do you expect. dotted.

yupx right. oh ya, i forgot to include something in the previous entry. you know how people keep saying keep in touch and stuff, won't forget you. but who practically does what they say? only a minority. like is it very hard to just keep in touch once in awhile. everyone's like having total amnesia or some sort. it'll be a long while before anyone contacts another. i mean mostly. the stay in touch thing has not taken effect. unless you're like good friends or long time buddies then they talk once in awhile. those you call good friends just seem to lose touch with you after graduation. perhaps they're busy but it's no excuse. busy don't mean you can forget to keep in touch. i don't understand at all. or maybe, i'm not even meant to understand. many people just don't do what they preached. who will. only a few. a few not many. pathetic. it's no surprise if you can actually be able to count with your 10 fingers how many friends you still keep in touch with many years later. sad.

as usual talking rubbish. end of story.

nth

2006-02-27T12:03:00.000+08:00

well, you know how i say after i'm jobless i'll have the time to blog? guess i'm truly wrong. my mum just limits me to an hour per day and practically 15 minutes flew by just for checking my mail, and right now, my mum just appears out of nowhere behind me to check what i'm doing so i cant really blog.

call it an excuse and whatever. like i've dumped this blog because i really ran out of stuff to blog about and those that i want to talk about are mainly confidential. *roll eyes* to heck with it, right. yupx. i'm sticking to a diary, kinda too ugly for words so as to not attract much attention to it lest my mum happens to tidy my pigsty. yepx. mainly blogging for the benefit of friends who still make an effort to peep into my blog which i doubt so. lolx. i''ve kinda MIA for a month and few days right? last entry was dated 17 jan so yupx. one month and 10 days. and today is also Ren Jie's birthday, yupx. happy birthday to wherever he is. Shrugx. march. my fav. month. that is due to me being born on this month. right. pardon me but i know i'm truly crapping right now.

k, i've not found any job because i cant really seem to fancy any. and all i do right now is idle at home. i've taken to babysitting my sisters and fetching them from school. ya. furthermore, the days are so hot and i'm suppose to go fetch them. dotted. i don't even have to go suntanning 'cause i can do it every single day as a routine=.= yupx. just reminds me of those good old days in primary school where i walk home with friends and slowly my skin changed to a darker shade. crap all right. pardon me. yupx.

just last friday or was it the friday before that? eh. a primary school teacher passed away. and we only saw the obituary on sat or sun. so it was quite a shock. yupx. and my family actually folded stars and cranes for her. quite saddening. but she didn't teach me before. my sister was much more affected. shrugx. yupx. totally upsetting. boohooo. and talk about timing. there's a funeral wake at my void deck. it ended only last sat. and just few days ago. every state flag in the country was raised to half and we had many moments of silence that i've lost count.

i don't recall the former deputy prime minister Mr S Rajaratnam and got scolded by my dad for being ignorant of sinapore's history=.= i'm totally ignorant of world news partly due to the fact it totally don't interest me though it's important. i've tried absorbing the whole newspaper but apparently succeeding only in understanding the comics and tv schedules and blah blah blah. which reminds me that the general paper taken in junior colleges was taken into consideration for my 12 options for the jae. and i didn't even put a single JC into any of the options. all poly courses and the first wasn't even what i wanted. and my mum had asked my dad for his opinions and he just told her that i can put what i want as he don't want to bother himself with it and ends up blaming me for putting some course that had no future in it when in the first place he said he washed his hands of the jae thing. yeah right. whatever.

let's see, there's a curfew out for us youngsters and yet i'm still not allowed to go anywhere i want. i'm stranded at home and even when i get asked to go out with friends i'm being interrogated about where we're going and what time will we be back and who's going and etc. yupx. so i get tired sometimes and just said no to friends who even bothered to ask me. at least right now i can go out. but once in awhile. as in once a month i guess. zzz. i'm broke too. and upcoming march isn't doing any good to my life. my piano exam just falls on my birthday!! oh man. that's the worse part. and the examiner won't even know or be kind enough to give me a pass not that i think it's good. hmmphx. at least i found someone who has his guitar exam on his birthday as well. lolx. i'm not the only one who's so 'lucky'. yupx. and i've to go all the way to hougang when i'm situated in yishun. right. enough crapping ba. i'm so hungry. yeahx. it's time to go fetch my lil' sis. yupx. so there's mostly my crapping in this entry. i apologise to those who took the time to read my nonsense. thanks alot. Au Revoir=)

update

2006-01-17T09:20:00.000+08:00

i am finally updating. WOW!!! dotted. lolx. well, let's see, today's my last day at work and i'm glad i don't have to return. hmmphx. i'm beginning to appreciate sales associate and empathise with them. it's not as easy as it seems.

made new friends and end up talking more than working. lolx. we're assigned to the fitting room most of the time and the people we encounter varied. some were quite understanding and even chat with us. some people just argued their way. 'customers are always right', what crap. i don't believe in that and i stood my grounds. every departmental store's fitting room only allows one to bring a max. of 3 pieces in. doesn't anyone remember??? or they choose to think that the staff will treat them differently?? how INTERESTING. if you have more than 3 pieces in your possession, you're suppose to queue again for the extra pieces. unless there's no queue and we'll close one eye. a lady scolded me and told me that she don't have to requeue, there's no logic in it. what the shit. can't she see that she's hogging up the cubicle and a long line of peepx were waiting for their turn. there's only 4 cubicles. why can't anyone spare a thought of the others in line? some people understands and is willing to queue again. but why cant' everyone be like that? the line will move much faster and everyone will be much happier. two days ago, i burst out crying. that's dumb. i just couldn't stand how those people are so unreasonable. it just saddens me to think that they're mostly singaporeans.

another thing: the beans(???) where we place the folded up clothes. we keep folding and folding but it don't seem to get tidier every single second. people search for the size they want, designs they like, after which, some just fling it back into the beans. WOA... try putting yourselves in OUR shoes?? PU-LEAZE, is it so hard to fold and put it back nicely again?? it's not much to ask, just your simple act can help make it easier for everyone to take a look at the tidied beans. some might think: "it's your problem. we buy from you, not helping you so why should we bother to fold it back? it's your duty to tidy them up for the convenience of the shoppers." i encountered a lady who picked up this shirt and just dumped it back into the bean and actually TOLD her husband: "the clothes so messy arhz, how can people find what they want arh?" talk about the pot calling the kettle black. what is wrong with the modern society????? hullo??? can anyone just spare a thought for us? i mean we're humans too, we shop too. how would you feel if you've tided the beans and after awhile, the clothes are strewn everywhere and you've to start again, a neverending process. and what's more, if you were in the queue for the fitting room and people take in more than 3 pieces or ask their friends or family who's waiting for them to take another piece for them, taking their own sweet time? and then you're one of the culprits too, how do YOU think the other shoppers feel?

some can even take more than 3 pieces and say that they didn't know that was the max. number and asked if we could let them go try 'cause they'll be very fast. it's commen sense that every store's policy is max. 3 pieces. maybe some stores allow more than that but i gather not.

we've a shoplifting case yesterday. scared the lights out of my colleague and i. we're in charge of the fitting room and it was said that the girl had already put the stuff in her red plastic bag and gone into the cubicle without us noticing but we really saw her with 2 pieces only. nothing else. the in-house security man kept staring at us and we thought he's a 'spy' for our manager (she has caught us two talking for so many times) but it was just all a misunderstanding. the girl was handcuffed and led out but she didn't seem to feel ashamed. her actions don't convey that she regretted what she did. shrugx.

i'm gonna miss the greenies. though they're our superiors, they joke with us and are very friendly. mostly. but i'm still not going back. i had enough of the fitting room. maybe i'll try office work. then i can sit down. lolx. or a bookshop!! yay! then i'll be surrounded by books, books and more books!! my fav!! lolx. yupz. that's about it. i think. shrugx. i'll try to update if i can and have any content to blog about. so long.

merry xmas

2005-12-24T11:08:00.000+08:00

i hadn't been updating my blog due to time constraint. yupz and i apologise for that. today's christmas eve and i'm still tired over yesterday's event. i actually like my job. lolz.

oh yeah. frankly speaking, i really miss 4 faith. i've been dreaming of you guys for 5 consecutive days. talk about freaky. the other day i went to popular and saw 12th night and suddenly missed the lessons we've spent together. call me crazy but i cant help missing my friends right. dotz. yupz. i din go for any class gatherings and i truly regret it but i believe that it'll be much more fun without me. lolz. what can i do there? nothing i guess.

hmm. just a short entry. going to my aunt's house for countdown. a torture. zzz. well. just wanna wish every one a MERRY CHRISTMAS!! see ya=)

out of time...

2005-12-07T17:18:00.000+08:00

i don't have the time to blog anymore... my mum gives me only half an hour to be online.. right.. yupz... yesterday went for job interview... lotsa people... even homemaker also got go.. the lady kept smiling... lolz.. yupz.. said she'll notify in 3 days' time.. meanwhile, i browsed the classified section of the newspapers... this morning they called and said i'm hired.. talk about efficiency.. lolz.. but it's a temp. job.. shrugz.. just hope i can make it till the last day.. zzz... am i suppose to buy my own attire?! temp. only lehz.. hmm... saw weiming's blog... got training.. he full time right? don't know.. mine's at orchard... and i'm working at causeway point laz.. dotz... nothing much to say leh..

gotta start buying christmas cards.. only got a few addresses... sianz... 30 dec don't know if i'm free to go choir... one whole day.. cherie's expecting me... sobz.. aiya.. talking crap.. pardon me.. i'm rushing for time... that's all on my mind right now.. yup yupz.. think it's the shortest entry?? not sure.. whatever.. hahaz.. kk... ending here.. tata...

grad nite

2005-11-25T21:35:00.000+08:00

ooo.. first time i woke up so late at 12!! no breakfast!!!! now waiting for lunch:D... hahaz.. if i've gone out with them wun i be ltr?? lolz.. ytd grad nite was quite fun.. but still got abit hou hui.. sobz.. let's see:

first went house downstairs style hair... 18 bucks.. lolz.. den after tt xf's dad fetch go sch.. nobody lorz.. except us 3, ml xf n me loitering dere.. saw sihong n bella.. lolz.. den by 530.. viv haven come.. we totally rot dere.. after tt 6 plus le.. den she help mingli make up.. n...... i've no comments.. juz tt i dislike ppl being late... but ml no need make up to make her pretty le.. kj call her doll.. lolz.. with big eyes tt kind.. hahaz.. yupz.. den we registered and entered the hall.. the chairs cannot make it lorz.. red plastic chairs.. anywayz... adel n rach haven come.. their hairdresser messed up.. poor tings.. but we reserved space for them.. heex.. den we started taking photos.. me n shan had almost the same hairstyle.. mine cheaper.. lolz.. but hers include make up.. nice.. adel came n her hair also almost the same.. so farni... hahaz.. den still need wait for principal to give talk.. so hungry.. i wan food!!! finally food come le.. cold platter.. hahaz.. jellifish nice lorz.. den the prawn salad also.. lalaz.. wat next.. den we had a table game.. kj the most happening person at our table.. lolz.. so fun.. after tt the chicken soto soup like we eating mee soto like tt.. hahaz.. i tink i'm talking more bout the food den ath.. bleahx..

missed some details.. dun care.. cont... hahaz.. yupz.. den the rest of the dishes.. blah blah blah.. huang yong n cailin were crowned mr n miss grad nite.. lolz.. cool.. hahaz.. i dun feel any animosity towards her any longer.. juz once frenz... shrugz.. hmm.. oh yaz.. after tt the whole grp of us went to the restroom.. leaving poor hazel to listen to the lucky draw.. hahaz.. we left and shan and adel won a prize... haha.. funni.. after tt.. wat arhz? oh yaz.. photo session.. woohoo.. took alot of photos.. b4 we leave.. they played 'numa numa'.. hahaz.. den i felt tempted to dance.. zzz... sad... din take photo with him.. din dare ask laz.. sighz.. wadevaz.. den after tt they wanted to go watch midnite movie.. but parents dun allow so went home.. sobz.. but i had a gr8 time last nite.. too bad for that insy weeny regret... sobz..

upcoming is the 'sing out' concert.. i cant believe i actually dumbly agreed to take part in the alumni ting.. *groan*.. not many sec4s participated.. anybody wan go???? it's on 30 nov, 7.30 pm at vch.. lolz.. my fren coming!!! yay!! lolz.. feel so bad.. he always have to come all the way.. anywayz.. i tink i'll stop here.. wait shuo lou zui and say out sth i shldnt be saying.. hee heex.. well.. adieu

lalala

2005-11-24T01:26:00.000+08:00

the following is probably boring but sil vous plait bear with it:

grad nite tml!!!!!! woohoo??? lolz.. cool.. it's time for the guys to look smart and the gals to look stunning... hahaz...
wonder what's the food... lolz..

people are talking about looking pretty and here i am talking about food, food n FOOD!!! i eat 4 meals a day.. eat, sleep, watch, play, read, laugh.... and no exercise... shucks.. i'm getting heavier.. just hope i wun see a bulge when i wear my dress tml.. lolz.. okiez..

my mood right now is totally the opposite of ytd.. mood swing quite fast eh.. *shake head*.. that's me.. no wonder no one can stand me.. hahahaz.. -_-"... absolutely high.. zzzzzzzzzz.... all go and sleep.. lalalaz... make up cannot cover up panda eyes.. lucky it's nite.. lolz.. lemme crap here..

tis morning went sch hear pae talk n get stuff.. i can onli go to CI but i dun tink it's necessary.. so i'm not joining the pae tingy.. yupz.. den the teachers told us bout tml... ritez... theme is class maz.. every1 wear their cls tees not bad ritz.. bad joke.. dotz... they're giving served dinner... oooo.. wonder wat we'll get... -_-"...

went j8 after tt with onana, adeline, shan and rachel... had fun.. saw meihua dere... she's not going to her sch grad nite.. lolz.. nice job she has... ate mac. breakfast... yupz.. by den shops are opened so we went to look at alot alot of stuff... make up stuff, clothes, shoes, bags n sth else.. lolz.. tt i'm sure they noe.. ritez?

so fast so fast so fast... time flies and 4 years juz flew by... my secondary sch life is over.. but not the relationships that i've made... frenz frenz frenz... cool... even though there's unhappy stuff, conflicts and what not.. lolz... every1 managed to pull thru.. yupx... tml taking lotsa pics.. though prob not with my cam.. din get SD card.. sobz.. oh ya, thnks for the repli.. lolz.. we realli muz get a cls photo of every1 looking their best...(grad nite sure doll up ritez?)... shrugz.. kiez.. i gtg.. i still haven complete allena's prezzie.. sorriez!! she's gonna fly soon.. hope can finish by then.. awfully sorriez onana, not being able to give it to u ytd.. but i did wrongli n had to undo eth.. u noe wat i mean..

yupz.. k, i guess i'm done... i'm still quite high.. crazie le.. sighz.. alrite... desole u've to go thru this whole chunk of nth but merci for doing so.. Au revoir

back??

2005-11-23T04:06:00.001+08:00

it's good to be back.. it's been over a month since i updated.. though i doubt that anyone will actually come here... whatever.. O' lvl is gone.. woohooo... hurray.. cheers everyone.. duh... life's still so hectic.. what with the upcoming 'Sing Out' concert and holidays.. with inverted commas... holidays = work..

i've yet to clear my pig sty.. yet to start practising my music.. yet to start afresh.. yet to blah blah blah... it's kinda boring.. i've nth that i can truly write though i've alot to say.. contradicting baz.. but tt's it.. recently there's cases of people being sued... blogs that are getting more and more popular.. oh well..

juz sth: if u dislike me juz say so cos i wun get hints nor like being ignored.. if it's more than dislike - meaning detest or hate... den tell me.. i dun wan to leave the sch n my frenz with many qns unanswered... i dun care whtr u treat me as ur fren or not.. cos in my heart, i noe i chose u as my fren...

graduated...

2005-10-13T19:16:00.000+08:00

4 years juz flew past.. rmb the time when we're all once oblivious to many tings in life... still playing pranks and having fun.. now everyone's working hard for o's... and we graduated just ytd.. frenz for close to 2 years.. some even throughout the whole of our secondary school life... next year, we'll receive our results and everyone's going their own ways... how often can we gather? shrugz..

it was gr8 fun ytd.. our vote of thanks was marvelous and remarkably the best!! took photos with frenz and teachers, saw people shed tears and shared laughter... though we had our ups and downs, our fair share of conflicts and joy, we're still frenz.. no matter what... ms chionh's surprise was nice.. lolz.. a cake with the queen bee, a few worker bees and the bee hive... yummy too.. lolz.. too bad rachel and i had to leave early... why muz it clash with the graduation service!! arghz.. oh well.. lotsa people are writing bout the graduation... juz reading them brought tears to my eyes... i'm so sorrie to leave, i wish time will stop, never spoiling this joyous occasion.. gone through many tings together as a class.. bonds tightened, frenships stronger.. what will happen on our grad nite? will everyone linger and start crying? i'll nvr 4gt the times we had..

as the chorus of the song Graduation suggest:

As we go on
We remember
all the times we
had together
and as our lives change
come whatever
we will still be
FRIENDS FOREVER

guys, JIA YOU!!!

one should be contented with what one has...

2005-10-06T03:49:00.000+08:00

well, it's no use to cry over split milk le, though i cant help complaining and complaining, esp. to xf. lolz.... yupz.. saw my overall grade and class position today.. i dropped 6 positions down.. oh well.. alot of people have improved and racing to the top.. JIA YOU!!!! lolz..

today not much events baz.. mr lau assembly time qiang arhz.. lolz.. there's funny cases today.. cant remember any.. in a state of confusion through physics right now.. arghz.. my a maths got to buck up real much.. sighz.. my humanities the worse.. no teacher around to truly stay there to help or what lehz.. shrugz.. my physics have to buck up.. cant rely on chem to pull my grades.. yupz.. literature trying to get content and linkage... sighz..

okiez.. today quite okiez laz.. nothing much.. i almost drew the relative velocity qn de diagram correct.. lolz.. almost only.. sighz.. yupz.. all in all.. was quite hype today.. laugh and laugh.. nutz le.. kk.. cyaz..

clarifications...

2005-10-05T01:57:00.000+08:00

1stly, pardon my previous entry... yupz... someone said it made me seem so pitiful... and i want to say that, i was merely letting out my unhappiness... not trying to gain sympathy from people.. yupz.. in any way did i offend you, i sincerely apologise...

2ndly, to prevent further misconceptions, i've deleted that entry... okiez.. i sound lame rightz.. whatever..

3rdly, whatever unhappiness was cleared.. and i was quite down after sch.. but thnks to a gd fren, i managed to cheer up.. lolz...

nothing much to say.. sighz.. just feeling quite down... i'm down for the humans evening academy too.. lolz... not sure about science though... i'm so discouraged indeed... a maths was the worse... i cant believe that i did so badly.. perhaps what you call "pride goes b4 a fall".. lolz.. shrugz.. oh well.. ending here... don't really wanna say much.. ta-ta

L0s+..... AP

2005-09-30T01:30:00.000+08:00

i'm totally gone.. my hopes are dashed.. cant even get into JC lorz.. with my stupid grades.. my HUMANITIES!!!!!! arghz.. cost me my points.. got back maths ppr 2 and geog today.. my geog.. write quite alot but no point.. i still got an F9 for overall.. fought back my tears... i cant get into the JC of my choice with the grades i have.. the course in poly i can.. but.. i wanted JC and the 1st 3 months.. now.. i can only try to get lesser than 20 points for o'lvl.. to think i even aimed for 13.. what a letdown.. hope my a maths can get at least a B3... i don't wanna be too far from 20 points.. it'll be hard if it's so..

when home and told my mum.. she wanted to know more... i din wanna talk bout it.. she ended up reprimanding me.. saying i can talk on phone for so long... and yet cant even talk to her... i really din wanna talk bout my results anymore.. it's so horrid.. i HATE it!! i ended up crying in the bathroom.. i cant take it.. head even hurt juz now... so painful.. but cant do anything.. now my sis is here to provoke me... i'm in a foul mood... why cant they just leave me alone!!!!!!

UnBelievable...

2005-09-29T00:55:00.000+08:00

definitely very UNBELIEVABLE manz... these few days bu ke si yi stuff happened... totally cannot imagine type... noe of 2 le... tt guy qiang arhz... hahaz... dun judge a book by its cover.. nahs..

gt back my chem, ss, eng, maths ppr 1 results today.. one disappointment - ss... failed... my humanities LOST... my geog is already cannot make it kind.. now my ss... sighz... nvm.. chem i finally passed.. combined with phys i manage to scrape a C6... eng gt a B4.. maths ppr 1 though A1, but my ppr2 gonna pull me down.. sighz.. to get my desired pts for L1R5 is dashed... no more 1st 3 mths for me... *teary*... sighz.. i'm demoralised... zzz... oh well... nth much... guess i'll stop here baz... cant say too much... hahaz..ttfn...

Outing...

2005-09-28T00:30:00.000+08:00

let's see.. we'll start with last fri.. lol.. din get the chance to blog bout the farewell party.. but it was gr8 guys.. thnks alot.. but not rowdy enough... hahaz.. as usual.. i had nth to say... duno wat to say.. for the occasion.. end up.. 'reprimanding' them bout their discipline.. hahaz.. can nvr change.. after tt.. ALTOS!!! sang yi shi de mei hao.. lol.. den see kailing's face den started laughing.. she keep saying she wan to make me cry budden i din.. until after tt... HORZ... zzz... yupz.. the dance not bad laz.. juz so little ppl.. hahaz.. after tt.. had 'refreshments'... quite alot.. den eat lorz.. dotz... after tt.. me n kailing went meet audrey and andrina at khatib mac... very high.. hahaz.. sad laz.. not enough time.. sighz.. oh well...

**********************

had a fun day yesterday.. quite cool siaz.. hahaz.. yupz.. well.. went kbox first... mr tan sang only one song... but qiang arhz.. hahaz..

den 3 plus left for marina bay... went bowling.. den i sat dere watching.. cool manz... see alot of ppl pro manz.. hahaz.. yupz.. den went arcade.. i tink i wun pass my driving test in the future.. judging from how i controlled the 'vehicle'... lol.. yupz.. den went 'shooting' with rachel... after tt.. adeline.. lolz.. had cls photo... yupz.. den they headed for marche.. while we went to taka for pepper lunch.. so funny... cook our own raw beef... lolz.. zzz... dotz manz... yupz... at first is one whole grp.. budden they dun wan so left lishan,kay joo, rachel, adeline, allena and me.... 6 of us.. did a gd ting... yupz.. den we became quite high.. kept laughing... nutz le.. hahaz.. saw posters and did imitations.. posed alot.. even in mrt also take... hahaz.. cool...

reached home about 9 plus... took a bath and went to slp.. though i tink i onli fell aslp around 11.. shrugz..

today almost full attendance.. then had pe.. everyone so tired.. left onli a few playing netball... sianz... nth much today.. thought we'll get back all our prelim papers.. but.. sighz... oh well.. anywayz.. after sch.. at first xf gt dc.. den we checked it's onli her 2nd time... so we juz left.. den she was worried she'll get jn into trouble.. quite shocking after tt.... oh well.. today no money.. nvr go eat.. hahaz.. yupz.. tt's bout it... i guess.. hahaz.. take care peeps...

bone collector...

2005-08-30T01:46:00.000+08:00

watched this saturday night movie - bone collector, and it was totally gruesome, with all those horrendous methods of murder. watched it till around 1. my sis was making attempts to scare me to no avail though i ended up sleeping in her room. dumb to watch horror or thrillers when i'm sort of afraid but it's much better than comedies or documentaries. yupz.

today, in school we practised the songs during recess in class and after school in the music room. we're kinda rushing for time, choir starts at 3 and i've already took up the committee's rehearsal for the celebration of teacher's day today. felt kinda bad but it was really kind of them to understand. anyway, we sang the chinese and english song. i was quite 'flustered'? or should i say nervous? i'm not sure, but i know quite well that i made blunders. furthermore, bella had to compromise me and the piano. i couldn't play the A major, it was supposedly C major but we had to play lower. i couldn't adjust to the sudden switch and we played back C major. i kept going in and out, watching for the juniors and Ms Yee or the teachers. shrugz. eventually, it was settled that we'll minus the piano and sing both songs with the guitar. it's more of a relief than a disappointment - i wasn't confident of playing the song flawlessly, perhaps it's a relief as i don't have to worry about having to play infront of the school. shrugz.

after school, Rachel and i had our lunch in school and we chatted about Anastasia. I like the show alot, especially the songs. Disney shows are nice and i like the songs of the movies. k, i'll end here. arrivederci.

Cannot make it..

2005-08-28T05:00:00.000+08:00

wed performing the teachers' day tingy.. the whole class going to perform.. cool ritez? hahaz.. imagine the whole cls up on stage.. awesome.. hahaz... well.. end up to play the piano.. i even asked my teacher for help lorz.. the chords.. den she gimme de weird weird.. den i used my own my sis say sounds btr.. but i'm scared it'll sound weird tt day.. playing in front of an audience.. i'll get nervous.. very scared i play wrongli.. hahaz.. shrugz.. *cross fingers*..

sinking deeper...

2005-08-25T05:28:00.000+08:00

firstly, i should slap myself for being crazy but as a matter of fact.. i cant help feeling what i am right now..

secondly, there's nothing i can do to change everything back to what it used to be.. dotz..

thirdly, went nutz today.. darn high.. all a front..

morning came to school.. didn't say much.. later on chapel that time.. the presentation was quite good though.. Yang Kai came.. and as usual.. the 3 sops were the backup singers... sang my heart out.. so diu lian.. i could hear john singing somemore lorz.. hahaz.. after that.. maths.. so dumb.. keep doing and doing until can go crazy de lorz.. lit.. *groan*.. i'm prepared for the worst for tomorrow's test.. i'm not going to make it anywayz.. sighz..

recess.. went to library with xinfang they all.. then they watch totally spies without sound... not nice.. watched before.. then i went to the other side.. saw cindy lim there... then i go and sit with her.. and we talked about food... *hungry*.. recess ended... cindy borrowed the big thick recipe book.. over 800 recipes.. the librarian was looking at us with this weird look.. shrugz.. who cares.. later on.. geog lesson.. mr lau QIANG ar.. hahaz.. he actually sang in class lorz.. he even watch superstar nehz.. hahaz.. fun.. then today kayjoo never come.. hazel sit beside me then we talk about that thing.. then i was writing also.. but that paper write le also no use.. i tore it and threw it away.. doesn't make me feel better at all lehz.. shrugz.. hahaz.. dumb.. after that chem prac.. then we 'do'.. don't know laz.. i alot of stuff don't know lorz.. sobz.. nevermind.. oh well.. later on.. lunch time le.. then 'cause i never eat breakfast nor go for recess.. my gastric came.. then very pain.. shrugz.. saw him.. i just walked past him and diao him lorz.. hahaz.. heck.. they like that i also cannot do anything maz.. dotz.. yupz..

oh well.. intended to blog about more mundane and insignificant stuff but cant remember them.. all my sister's fault.. sighz.. oh well.. whatever... i just know that i'm sinking deeper and deeper.. just wish that 'u' are here... adieu..

oops.. i did it again..

2005-08-24T02:19:00.000+08:00

looking around.. i cant help feeling down and dejected.. who cares about me.. no use regretting, complaining.. i'm 'creating' my own bleak future.. i don't fit in anymore.. i already don't in the first place.. trying to fit into a society that i totally don't belong to.. i'm so out of the world.. i'm a coward.. bigmouth.. hypocritical.. and whatever else is used to describe a bad person..

instead of trying to right anything.. i chose the easy way out.. i tortured myself.. it's a long time since i did that.. something just triggered that lil button inside of me... i just broke down and cried.. what say blogging and typing helps relieve stress.. no way.. i doubt so.. it's not like anyone would even bother.. i'm just blogging to express my emotions.. not heartfelt ones.. not every emotion.. some are not expressable through words.. therefore the decision of another method was made.. i'm not making anymore sense..

i think even teachers gave up though they don't say so.. shrugz.. beats me.. i see everything through the negative side.. don't know why.. sighz.. seeing people laughing and joking about.. sharing stuff with their good friends.. i totally felt out of the place.. maybe i'm not meant to even be in the world.. today i was telling a good pal about somebody doing that and saying it was horrendous.. and yet, i'm doing it.. i've lost my state of mind.. i've been considerably cheerful on the outside.. but deep inside, it's a nightmare.. i cant tolerate such stuff.. my mum calls me paranoid when i told her about a particular sickness.. what about this.. is it labelled as paranoid.. i don't know..

reached home and nobody was there, i just sat on the floor and cried my heart out.. then i tried the wall method to no avail.. and ended up doing that.. many would think i'm crazy, senseless, nutz, dumb, stupid or whatever.. come to think of it, it might even 'chase' everyone away eventually.. though there seem to be no more than 10 left to 'chase'.. shrugz.. who knows.. one day.. if i cant take it.. i might as well end it..

shrugz..

2005-08-16T03:30:00.000+08:00

last fri gt back results so pathetic.. same results as b4.. useless... my common test results also not any btr.. in fact worse.. i juz cant be motivated to do ath.. duno y.. sighz.. wish so much to be hardworking abit mre.. like jasmine.. not bad.. lately.. my mood's getting worser... i juz seem to flare for even minor matters.. duno y.. juz totally dislike noise.. very loud noise.. and get irritated so often.. but i tink i'm not an exception.. i'm one of the culprits.. shrugz..

lately still gt chat abit.. but i'm not sure where i stand.. rite now.. i'm floating.. neither here nor dere.. i chose tis path myself.. it's my retribution.. oh well.. wadeva.. life goes on.. i'm now indulging in work.. trying very hard to 4gt all those bad tings tt happened... but it's all my fault.. i caused all tt.. sighz.. oh well.. it's already time to let go but i cant.. oh well.. ending here.. tata..

sentence:
Friends are angels who lift us to our feet when our wings have trouble remembering how to fly...

They say a picture is worth a thousand words, but not even a thousand pictures could ever come close to expressing my love for you!

national day...

2005-08-11T02:47:00.000+08:00

yesterday was so cool man.. sadded that my parents had to spoil it by making me go home with them, sighz.. oh well.. but it was great fun all right... heex.. left for that yishun celebration at around 5 plus.. there were already a huge crowd.. big enough for a stampede... hahaz.. yupz.. later on went to eat first maz.. then it's like the coffeeshop also alot of people.. hahaz.. managed to get a place and we settled down for a rushed dinner..

alot of people and alot of red n whites everywhere.. the sky was by then dark liao laz.. and i'm like cant see a thing.. managed to catch glimpses of the people on stage and yader yader yader.. yupz.. then the fireworks display was so nice.. very nice lorz.. hahaz.. yupz.. then saw TWINS!!!!!! the people standing behind were like so high lorz.. scream, sing, dance and everything.. hahaz.. too bad nu ers and sun nus not there... hahaz.. oh well.. wonder who went.. shrugz.. yupz.. twins sang xing guang you le yuan.. nice.. the lyrics very nice.. the atmosphere quite suitable also.. hahaz.. best to have the right people to be there with.. shrugz.. crapz.. i keep typing nice nice nice... but really very WOW!!! diaoz.. hahaz.. shrugz.. all in all great experience.. won't forget it..

sad to say, the last part wasnt that nice... my parents wanted me to go home WITH them you know.. i'm like.. I"M WITH MY FRIENDS!!! *pout*.. oh well.. sighz.. sadded..

reached home, took a bath.. then watched this romance show - bai nian hao he until past midnight... then when orh orh..had this dumb dream.. horrid... whatever.. i shant brood over it.. yupz.. okiez.. i'll end here then.. tata..

dining etiquette..

2005-08-07T02:37:00.000+08:00

ytd was quite fun.. day started as usual.. go to sch with our stuff... later on.. they had some unhappiness bout some stuff.. but i shant go into tt... yupz.. gr8 fun.. partnered with kenneth.. laughed n laughed.. shrugz.. den sat nxt to jas n huiyuan... basic stuff were taught to us.. budden i'm thinking that they should do some real stuff.. it's not reali practising.. juz more theorical.. remembering instead of putting wat we've learnt to use.. but it's also not the appropriate time to do eth.. after all, we're 'rushing' for time.. shrugz..

after tt took neoprints with allena, adeline, mingli and xinfang.. sad tt rachel had to attend her farewell function.. sighz.. oh well.. ltr on.. met up with kayjoo, lishan and hazel.. saw cindy lim with her fren.. and cherlyn they all at the neoprint shop.. but we're all going diff ways.. 'diff' ways.. wadevaz.. yupz... reached home about 8 plus.. my throat was hurting alot.. den mum and sisters went downstairs for some buffet tingy at econ.. n i was left with my dear old dad.. yeah rite.. *roll eyes*.. left to entertain myself.. i was in no mood for doing my hmk.. well.. chatted on the phone for an hour plus.. and mum came back... yupz.. dad 'complained' bout me.. say i talk on the phone so long den banged the door at him which i din do.. hmmphz.. wadevaz.. too tired.. slept at 12...

woke up with a bad sore throat.. cldnt speak at all.. hurts alot.. even swallowing has becum so hard.. postponed my tuition and headed for the clinic.. kinda feeling btr.. at least i can still speak but a gentler n softer tone.. so unlike me.. i'm used to shouting.. hahaz.. yupz... went for piano lessons after tt.. leaving tt time... teacher suddenly asked if i'd watched superstar.. i'm like.. she watchs it?!! so unlike her maz.. den guess wat? she told me Silver lives 2 units away from her.. i'm like.. cool.. and it was so coincidental tt she was cuming out of her hse jus as we walked past... i looked at her, she looked at me.. but i wasnt sure wat to say.. i'm not even sure if she's still in.. ltr on while waiting for the lift, she walked past us and walked down the stairs.. sadded.. hahaz.. oh well. i'm not much of a superstar fan.. yupz.. basically my encounter with a superstar.. dotz.. tt's bout it..

national day yishun here have celebration.. twins cuming!!! dere's fireworks too.. hahaz.. dad din allow me to go out on tt day.. said it was a family day... n we're going dere to watch!! yay!! *roll eyes*.. oh well... i'm still not sure if i'm capable of going out on monday.. sighz..pathetic.. i want to wear sports shoes lehz. budden i'm not sure can anot.. they said full u maz.. sighz.. oh well.. ttfn..

xiang tong le maz??

2005-08-02T00:53:00.000+08:00

yupz.. i'm much better le.. though quite bad tis morning.. had to hold back my tears... oh well.. yupz.. my papers all like cannot make it.. i keep nodding off.. then i cant seem to write fast enough.. oh well.. so pathetic.. this time take back results, my parents sure explode de.. sighz.. wadevaz..

today adeline, allena and rachel were talking bout their clothing.. hahaz.. quite nice wat... den adeline n i thot ours same skirt lorz.. 'cos white and summre same length.. lacy too.. hahaz.. shrugz.. oh well.. wadevaz... yupz.. quite okiez.. got attracted by this comic... very nice though some scenes were like so er.. yupz.. shrugz..

beginning to feel much better... just wish it was back to the good ol' days.. suan le.. as someone always say: shun qi zi ran baz..

last friday the speech thingy, had this whole chunk of words to say.. but somehow, looking at them, i practically changed everything.. end up say very short.. yupz... here goes:

我很感激你们一直在我身旁，虽然你们不说什么，但我知道我有时说的或做的会让你们感不愉快。但我仍然感谢老天爷让我遇见了你们。虽然我觉得有一天将会失去你们，但我还是想说：“我一直把你们当成好朋友，不管你们怎么想，怎么看我，而且绝对不想失去你们。你们全部都很棒！而且也经常有说有笑的，和你们在一起的日子，是最难忘的。谢谢你们踏进我的世界里，把每一天充满了快乐与欢笑。

you might not need me now, maybe not tomorrow, maybe not anymore, but if ever even for just a second, you feel alone or upset, remember, i'll always be there for you. Amigos Para Siempre..

days passed very 'interestingly''

2005-07-22T04:16:00.000+08:00

ytd.. maths test tt time.. heard ppl shouting frm nxt door.. conflict happened...
earlier on... slip of tongue.. thot she had the rite to noe... cos she's about to be assaulted... so called... end up.. gt her mre infuriated... sighz.. me n my big mouth.. end up.. gt involved.. which i'm fine by.. blame me for all i care... i'm juz trying to help but i made matters worse.. dumbo.. after sch.. went to watch war of the worlds... nice show.. effects very cool.. hahaz.. but the ambience not rite...

today.. went out buy the funfair tingy.. den left around 6.. 'cant' wait for funfair to arrive... whee... i duno wat else to say.. cos i'm in no mood to type.. my mind's a blank... i've lost eth in juz a day.. ONE day ONLI... sighz.. bb...

going down...

2005-07-22T04:10:00.000+08:00

i duno wat i'm thinking... what i'm doing anymore.. it's like so meaningless... i'm very naive... very irritating... very dumb... very kaypo too.. why did i have to interfere??? wat the heck... arghz... if i din.. den she prob wun be so mad at them... sighz... me n my big mouth.. hmmphz.. sighz.. no appetite to eat.. every day.. living in my fears... afraid to open up.. cos i'm afraid to lose alot of things.. afraid to be alone.. afraid to noe the truth... but I WAN TO NOE!! sighz.. i'm paranoid.. wadevaz ppl say or do.. pretty suspicious... i'm afraid to hear stuff... afraid that i'm reali to be 'rejected' by the world and its ppl.. i cant help it.. i've tried to change.. i reali tried.. but etime i do.. i duno who i m... i cant find the real me... n i cry etime... i juz feel so dumb.. nobody wants such a person as a fren de... who wld.. *slap*... wake up.. u're dumb.. i wish to turn back time.. to tell the truth... to say the truth.. to overcome my fears... but.. maybe it's cause of them... that im who i m today... sighz.. wadevaz... i tink too much.. i'm too paranoid.. too sensitive.. i wish ppl will tell me wat's wrong.. scold me to lemme noe rite from wrong... sighz.. wadeva they say.. i dun seem to understand.. i cant fit in.. i'll juz listen.. or nod, shake my head... laugh at some stuff i dun understand.. i feel so stupid... but y do i still go with them?? i tink i'm juz intruding into their lives.. bliving tt they're my gd frens.. but.. do they?? i reali duno anymre... i juz tend to let my imagination run wild though i tink my hunches r often spot on... sighz.. wadevaz...

nth..

2005-07-12T05:10:00.000+08:00

I CANT DO ATH RITE... CANT EVA SAY ATH RITE... ALWAYS HURT PPL.. DO WRONG TINGS.. OFFEND PPL.. WAT'S WRONG WITH ME???!!! SO SUCKY.. F*** MANZ... ARGHZ....

i'm always like the odd one out.. i cannot fit in de.. headache... i very troublesome.. y so sadistic.. pessimistic... depress... eth also worri.. eth also scared... pathetic loser... y m i me?? i always want to break down n cry.. sighz...

regret cutting my hair tt time.. by now my hair wld have been very long... at the waist.. once i cut i gt into the habit of cutting when it's too long n stuff... keeping short hair.. yux.. i wan to have long hair but i'm starting to bald le.. diaoz.. like real.. juz tt my fringe is to cover my balding head... sighz..

zao zhi jin ri he bi dang chu...

paranoid*.. i'm starting to feel so isolated.. odd one out.. i'm weird.. freako...

3 Days in Kuantan....

2005-06-26T04:31:00.000+08:00

what do you expect? it's very rushed almost every day.. *yawn*.. cant sleep at all at night... always lay in bed and think about stuff and when i finally fall asleep it's pretty late... sighz.. oh well.. and i'm back today.. wow.. *roll eyes*.. had to ruin the day for myself.. what a loser... *slap*

first day:

reported in school(duh).. getting ready to board the bus.. daph ended up staying.. 'cause she didn't feel well.. sad.. so i buddied with eliane.. yupz.. what's next??*thinking*.. oh yeahz.. later on.. the journey was like so long.. kept dozing off in the bus.. had our comfort stop but i left my wallet in the bus.. so cant buy anything.. sighz... had our lunch at a hotel and boy, was it horrendous.. yucks!.. we continued with the journey.. reached the hotel and we were all surprised at the nice sight in front of us.. .. got our keys and headed to our rooms.. sad to say.. we were on the ground floor.. a few were at the 2nd level.. *envious*.. hahaz.. explored the room.. then we headed to the lobby area for a briefing.. after that.. we had our dinner at a restaurant well-known for its stuffed crabs... almost the whole group ordered crabs each.. after dinner.. we headed for fireflies watching.. so dark.. but it was very beautiful.. pretty... hahaz.. shrugz.. then we stopped at shell petrol kiosk and everyone started buying stuff.. next to shell was patronas(spelling?).. but we were back in time.. took a bath and went to bed with our hair still wet.. woke in the middle of the night.. it was freezing.. brr..

second day:

wake up call at 6.30... had intended to watch the sunrise.. hahaz.. but we woke on the dot.. had our breakfast.. quite okiez.. later on.. we went to the cave and the climb was so tedious.. it's quite high too.. scary.. went into the cave to look at the sleeping buddha.. and saw alot of bats.. gross.. it stinks.. whatever.. then we went up to higher grounds to look at the scenery.. quite nice.. but the climb was hard.. everyone was helping everyone else.. hahaz.. teamwork.. yupz.. but that was very fun.. hahaz.. we left for the waterfall next.. couldn't go quite near.. went the other side.. had to cross the bridge.. eliane was having fun.. hahaz.. then we stood near the water.. and bella, sihong, eliane and i started throwing the small rocks.. trying hard to make ripples on the surface before the rock goes 'plop' into the water... eliane and bella succeeded.. hahaz.. mrs leaw also joined in the fun.. shrugz.. yupz.. then we left.. went to see the cottage industry leaves weaving thing.. and then to the batik outlet.. went to see the monkey at work with the coconut.. so cute and strong.. hahaz.. then bella and sihong named a goat billy.. hahaz.. shrugz.. then we went for an hour shopping in megamall.. definitely like its name.. mega.. shrugz.. wanted to buy congkak but it was not those portable ones.. and definitely cant be stuffed into the bag.. wanted to buy souvenirs but there's too many people i want to buy stuff for and i'm not really carrying alot of money.. yupz.. we went back to the bus empty-handed but sihong and bella bought clothes.. had some sharing discussion.. and then we had to do our wwf report.. and after that.. it was free time till 0030... then mrs leaw and mrs teo did their routine check on us.. after that.. i watched tv till 2 plus and went to sleep...

last day:

woken up by the phone ringing.. cant believe it was 6 already.. washed up and then called bella and sihong.. didn't get any response.. knocked on their door.. no response.. we even went to the beach to see if they were there taking photos.. nopez.. finally, we peeped in through the back and saw them still sleeping.. managed to wake them and we headed for breakfast first.. yader yader yader.. heading back to school... we went to this shop that's popular for it's salted fish.. ended up forgetting what to buy.. messaged my mum but didn't get a reply.. ended up buying the wrong stuff.. (that i got to know when i returned) the ride to the restaurant for lunch was very long.. i was feeling very nauseous and hungry then.. reached our destination.. went to the ladies and i puked.. it's just like my dad.. he does that when he gets gastric.. arghz... the sight of the food just makes me worse.. i ended up asking for gastric pills from the teacher.. i really didn't feel like eating.. sihong was urging me to eat some fruits but i couldn't.. i was afraid that i'll puke right there and then.. i didn't dare take a bite out of anything.. started feeling very queasy.. i think they thought i was faking or something.. i almost cried.. okiez.. i admit i'm too weak.. as in sensitive and keeps crying over small matters.. but i just cant help it.. i'm a freak you get it?? arghz.. slept during the journey to the custom.. felt much better..

went to meet my family at northpoint.. told them what happened.. first, they scolded me for buying the wrong stuff and for buying nothing at all at the mall.. second, they scolded me for getting gastric... third, they scolded me for being so stubborn and dumb.. right.. i'm a freak.. like i said it.. i'm just totally a weirdo.. so different from the others... i keep hearing stuff, seeing stuff that makes me wanna breakdown.. whatever.. i ruined my own trip.. that's my fault.. oh well.. school's reopening on monday... and i've not even finished my hols assignments.. whatever.. freako... ttfn..

Therapy by Jonathan Kellerman

2005-06-07T03:55:00.000+08:00

DR. TINKER THOUGHT IT MIGHT BE THERAPEUTIC, SO SHE videotaped the morning news.

No problem capturing the three-minute segment, every station was playing nearly identical footage. But she suspected it wouldn't make the evening broadcast. The victim wasn't important enough and, in this city, there was never any shortage of that kind of thing.

She wasn't sure she'd use the tape with Amber; one could never predict the way patients reacted.

Just a guess, but a creative one. She prided herself on her creativity. That was precisely what appealed to her about being a therapist: the work was a perfectly seasoned stew of science and art. And humans were so wonderfully variable: the same old, predictable reactions co-existing with those terrible flashpoints of crisis that gave no warning.

Her patients loved her. One of the reasons the Survivor's Center placed her at the top of the referral list.

The cases they sent her were wrenching horrors, but satisfying; she knew she was doing good work. Often the patients couldn't pay even a small fraction of her fee, but she still had enough private long-terms to keep her income at a steady level. With the HMO's coming in, who knew... but that was another issue, a self-centered distraction.

And distractions were fatal to the work; the key was to focus exclusively on the person sitting in the other comfy chair.

You could have the best paper credentials, every sub-specialty certification and academic honor, but if you couldn’t crawl into someone else’s head, go beyond empathy to sensation, you were useless.

To Karen Tinker, being a good therapist meant becoming a non-person, a psychic shadow, tossing one’s ego into the closet for forty-five minute stretches. Seven stretches a day, six days a week.

Fifty-one weeks a year. From August 23 through the 30th, she booked herself a first-class flight to an obscure tropical island, checked into a clean but middling resort hotel, and spent the entire time reading by some pool, wearing dark sunglasses and avoiding men’s admiring glances.

She was thirty-six years old, looked a bit younger, had been licensed for a little over six years. Nearly ten thousand little chunks of non-personhood. Not counting her internship, her post-doc, all the other things she’d done to get here.

Classroom lessons.

The nightmare lessons – stop, in the closet, Ego.

The waiting room bell sounded. Amber Browning, right on time, as always.

Dr. Tinker put her coffee cup down on the desk and walked across the cozy office to a wall of bookshelves where the TV and the VCR sat, electronic interlopers, among the textbooks and the neatly-labeled cases of scientific journals. Rewinding and cueing the tape, she placed the remote control atop the mahogany drum table that flanked her comfy chair. Like her desktop, the table was nearly clear. Just a cut-crystal tissue box she’d seen in a catalogue and thought perfect. It emptied several times a week.

Everything in place. She threw back her shoulders, straightened her back, put on her best reassuring smile, and strode smoothly to the door.

Amber was talking before she sat down.

How was that for progress! For the first few months, nothing. Then, hesitant spurts. Recently, a flood.

No tears, yet, but that was fine.

She said, “I don’t know if you saw the news, but…”

She stopped, lip quivering, eyes fixed on the carpet. Dr. Tinker came over and placed a hand on her shoulder. The girl looked up. Not having to complete the sentence seemed to comfort her.

She unbuttoned her cardigan and lowered herself into the other chair.

Girl, not woman. Twenty-one, but a long way from adulthood.

Like Dr. Tinker, she looked younger than her age.

Other similarities… focus, Karen.

Dr. Tinker sat, too, crossing her legs and placing her hand over the remote control.

“So.”

Amber shrugged.

So small. Finely-boned, pale, definitely the waif.

The only child of two loving people who’d done all they could to help her, but it hadn’t been enough.

A pretty girl, if you got past the sunken eyes and the small, down turned mouth. Dark eyes receding like fugitives, shadowed by black lashes that she no longer mascaraed.

A good student, French Club, girl’s softball, Red Cross volunteer, nothing more traumatic for most of the eighteen years than an infrequent C on a test.
Accepted by a college halfway across the country, she’d planned to leave home for the first time.

Change in plans.

Because of him.

Black lashes but blonde hair. He went for blondes, had an eighteen-year history of predation of blondes. Small-boned, fair-haired girls, between sixteen and twenty-four, Dr, Tinker had obtained a look at his file.

Six arrests in eighteen years. The data said he’d most likely committed seven to ten times as many crimes, more if you included the juvey offenses that stayed sealed. Six arrests, five plea bargains and reductions of charges, finally a conviction for attempted sexual assault, fifteen years in the state prison.

Automatic good-time brought that down to seven years, four months, and his avoidance of overt violence while behind bars shaved that to thirty-nine months.

And then he was out. Assigned to a parole officer with 344 other active cases and required to submit to random drug tests.

Which was fine with him. Drugs weren’t his thing.

He handled the streets well enough, living quietly in a halfway house filled with other felons, everyone trying to figure the angles, do their habitual thing without getting caught again.

He found a job on a roofing crew.Amber Browning’s bad luck. He’d been nailing shingles to the eaves of her parents’ pretty colonial house, seen her drive up in her little red, graduation-gift car, bounce happily to the front door and open it calling out, “I’m home!”

Suzy Sweetie; right out of a TV show. Watching from atop the roof, he’d gotten that old feeling.

The roofing gig lasted a week, ample time to find out which bedroom was hers, to get a fix on the family’s habits, learn there was no alarm, no dog, the rear bathroom window could be jimmied by a blind moron.

For the next two weeks, he returned to the neighborhood at night, driving slowly. On the fourteenth night, the parents went out for the evening. Dressed fancy, meaning something that would keep them busy for a while.

Little blonde only-child home alone.

The rest was easy. Then bad luck: on the way home, two uniforms spotted his broken taillight – how could he have missed that? - And pulled him over. He was sure he’d maintained perfectly, citizen’s smile, no sweating or coming on too strong, yes, officer, no officer. But they’d sensed something, cuffed him and popped the trunk.

Inside was his kit: ski mask, gloves, masking tape, his cuffs, condoms because with the new tests you couldn’t leave anything behind, the novelty shop revolver, totally bogus but effective with waifs. The knife that was real.

Bummer.

Then the game shifted again and along came this public defender, generally you couldn’t expect much out of them, but this one was smart. Wanting to actually try the case, not plead.

Pointing out that the police hadn’t obtained permission to search his trunk, a busted light wasn’t even on the same planet as probable cause.

Case dismissed.

Yes!

“No!” Amber’s mother had screamed.

Amber said nothing.

That worried Mr. and Mrs. Browning the most. They loved their baby more than anything, could have handled hysteria, howling, sleepless nights, agonized shrieks evoking memories of infant fevers.

But the dry eyes, the padlocked mouth, the refusal to surrender to pain. The smile – that smile.

“It’s not that she never talks about it,” Mrs. Browning confided to Karen during the intake, Amber out in the waiting room, wearing a too-old-for-her cardigan and reading a magazine. “She does – not often, but sometimes. But the way she does it – such a … casual tone of voice – I know this sounds strange, but she almost seems blasé, doctor. She’s always been shy - maybe it’s my fault. I was shy, too, at her age. Maybe I didn’t set the best example.”

“There’s only one person at fault,” Karen Tinker told her, with gentle forcefulness, “and it’s not you. Cecille, what you’re describing is normal.”

She repeated the word, very softly, “I’ve seen it so many times.”

“All right,” said the woman, not looking convinced at all. “I suppose I have to put her in your hands, now.”

“So you watched it,” said Amber.“I did.”

“Weird.”

Dr. Tinker said nothing. Part of the art was you played the silences.

Amber said, “I mean – like having your wish come true. My wish. I guess I should feel fantastic. Like justice has been done. But I -”

The girl shook her head. Her long yellow hair was cropped very short, had been for a while, and nothing swirled. Dr. Tinker wondered if she’d ever want to swirl it again.

She said, “There’s no right way to feel, Amber.”

“I guess – maybe it’s too early. I’m still freaked out by it – there I was, eating breakfast and watching TV and – the first thing I felt was shock. I’d always thought of him as invincible – the devil, Satan, Freddy Krueger, whatever. Like he could do whatever he… do damage to everyone else but never get damaged himself.”

She sighed. “I should feel relived – and I guess I do. In terms of him. I mean one thing’s for certain, he can’t… bother me again.”

“Not ever,” said Dr. Tinker. “Never.”

Amber looked the other way. “The thing is – let’s face it, there are so many others just like him. It could be anyone - some perfectly normal-looking guy you pass on the street, some guy you go out with, thinking he’s a gentleman.”

She laughed. “Are there any gentlemen? Any gentlemen?”

It took a second for Dr. Tinker to be certain her voice would be steady. “Yes. Of course.”

Amber’s dark eyes misted. “I don’t know – I don’t know if I’ll ever believe that. Not intellectually. In here.” She patted her belly.

Dr. Tinker remained silent.

“I know, I know,” said the girl. “All in due time.”

“In due time means your time, Amber.”

“My time … as if I own time.”

“I guess… sometimes time seems to be slipping by I do have to admit, it wasn’t bad at all. Hearing about it. Especially the part about it being a knife. That was perfect – pretty bloodthirsty, huh?”

“I think you can be forgiven a certain amount of bloodthirstiness, Amber.”

Amber gave the smile that troubled her parents. “What I mean by the knife is the parallel. A perfect match, eye for an eye. And the way he was hit from the back. Just like…” The eyes seemed to come forward, out of the shadows. “What do you think actually happened?”

“We may never know,” said Dr. Tinker. “But psychopaths tend to hang out with other psychopaths and they all have low impulse control. He could have gotten someone angry – said the wrong thing at the wrong time.”

“Something trivial?” said Amber. “I like that. It dehumanizes him… live by the knife, inherit the knife.” Now the girl was grinning. “Yes, I definitely like that.”
Dr. Tinker smiled. Amber stared at her. Then she laughed. Then she cried.

It was their best session ever.

Alone in her office again, Dr. Tinker poured herself a cup of coffee and sank down in her desk chair. Thirteen minutes until the next appointment.Her chest hurt. Probably tensed up the whole time, listening to Amber sob and rage.

She put the cup down and sat back, eyes closed, forcing herself to breathe slowly and deeply, progressively relaxing each muscle, the routine she used for her tensest patients, the frozen ones.

Amber, thawing nicely. The prognosis was good. Excellent.

And she hadn’t even needed to play the tape.

Out in the parking lot, Cecille Browning noticed the difference right away. The old bouncy walk, a smile on her baby’s lips, but a real one, not that one.

She got out of the station wagon and jingled the keys. “Want to drive, honey?” Thinking maybe. Finally.

“No thanks, mom.”

“You’re sure?”

“Yes, Mom.” Amber kissed her mother’s cheek and Cecille was careful to hide her disappointment.

Progress was being made. Slowly, but… Dr. Tinker, wonderful Karen Tinker. What a name for a therapist! But she did feel Amber was being repaired.

The time Karen had given Cecille had been helpful too. Building up her own confidence.

She and Amber got in the wagon and Cecille began driving home.

“Any plans for today, sweetheart?”

“I dunno – I think I’m going to rest.”

“Sure, honey. I have a few errands to run – want to keep me company?”

“Um, I don’t think so, Mom – is that okay?”

“Of course, sweetheart.”

The wagon merged into traffic and the two of them sank into one of their silences. Amber thinking about getting under the covers and just blacking things out, the three-quarter hour had made her so, so tired.

Her mother composing a list of things to do.

Pick up the dry cleaning.

Buy steaks and salad greens for dinner.

Call the pool man because the water was clouding up, even though he’d just replaced parts in the filter and charged a fortune.

Clean the knife. She’d washed it last night, but hastily, and some rusty stains lingered along the cutting edge.

So scrub it really good. Stare at it for a while, then get rid of it.

Bake a cake. Maybe angel food, because she wanted to take off a few pounds.

Where to get rid of the knife… the lake. Perfect.

She felt her hands tense on the steering wheel, felt the urge to do something, anything.Therapy was great, but sometimes you needed to do something.

Nth much...

2005-06-01T03:08:00.000+08:00

ytd after chinese was suppose to go fetch sis at ymca... ya ritez.. den end up went cityhall with ziwei n cherlyn.. gt scolded of cos.. heex.. we went to the deli at citylink den after tt walked to suntec... went to the book fair.. bought a music book.. so chim.. i'm like.. er.. i reali muz brush up on my piano skills.. i'm lagging againz.. arghz... *pout*.. den after tt juz nice mum bday also.. so went out eat.. hahaz.. shrugz... den went home laz..

today gt tt dumb science mock practical.. hahaz.. i wanted to heat de.. but nvr.. is follow crowd maz.. dotz.. den after tt.. gt maths lesson... den after tt went to j8.. eliane went play soccer, nvr went with us.. sobz.. hahaz.. den ziwei, daphne, cherlyn, huiyuan n me.. went mos.. me n huiyuan went to the basement bought our own food.. i dun like mos maz.. den huiyuan not much appetite.. hahaz.. den we ate TAKO PAICHI!!!! hahaz.. my fav.. i ate 2 boxs=P... den she ate yakitori also.. den wat agar-agar.. hahaz.. met ghislaine, tammy n viven.. den chatted le.. den went off.. at platform saw them againz.. bella they all also.. den went back sch 2gede... den aftre tt the consortium ting... diaoz.. den so sia suay summre.. sighz.. *shake head*.. den after tt i still cant get my report book... sobz.. i considered ptc de.. but mum dun wanna go le.. hahaz.. always *bad* news de.. heex... sighz.. oh well.. so duno wait how long le.. *pout*.. oh well.. end here baz.. juz updating for the sake of keeping it active.. heex.. tata.. gt a story in my head.. but duno wan write chi de or eng de... maybe i adapt frm tis nice nice book.. hahaz.. sayonara...

cReEpY...

2005-05-18T03:23:00.000+08:00

it's lame.. yaz.. wadevaz.. today.. apparently... gt dumb lessons.. yupz.. had 3 periods of a maths juz like ytd.. yupz.. ltr on.. recess le.. den cum back chinese.. i went back to faith for chi lessons.. gt annoyed by this person.. wadevaz.. arghz...

ltr lit.. den ms tan nvr cum.. after tt heard viven talk bout seokhui seeing a 'ghost' tingy.. den we started talking bout the sch's haunted places.. den bout the old campus' dnt block.. woa.. hahaz.. den nvm.. after tt.. few of us had a couple of stories to say.. hahaz.. den we were all 'freaked out'.. ltr on.. as we stood at the corridor, about to go to ava room.. den huiyuan was talking bout this ncc story... den she told bout a part where a hand appeared n hearing someone say 'save me'.. i juz screamed.. hahaz.. i tink the others also did.. shrugz.. it's juz.. so.. ew... freaky.. ltr on.. we went 4th floor maz.. the haunted toilet.. den me, ghislaine, tammy n viven were inside.. huiyuan also.. hahaz.. den was like tammy n viven started singing.. told huiyuan the last cubicle mite be locked.. yupz.. hahaz.. den after tt she go see.. reali locked.. erm... yaz.. den after tt nthz much le.. went out eat with daphne, mingli n ziwei.. hahaz.. den came home..

nth much to write bout.. dun wanna elaborate.. buaiz..

my advice: DUN TRUST ANYONE...

Lame story...

2005-05-17T02:19:00.000+08:00

He never knew that she was in love with him until it was too late. He had felt for her alittle, but never long. Now she was gone, he felt so terrible deep inside but nothing could replace the fact that she was gone, forever....

They were introduced by a friend but aint that close yet. But soon, they poured out all their secrets to each other, well, almost all. Then, they became very close, often able to tell or tease each other about stuff without fearing any quarrels. Pretty soon, she developed feelings for him though he, at that time, was infatuated with someone else. Soon, she began to keep more to herself and gradually, they drifted apart. Later on, she heard that he was dating someone. She 'felt' happy for him. She should and would but deep down, she knew she was deceiving herself. She truly felt miserable yet she put on a cheerful front every single day, hiding her feelings inside.

A week later, he heard of news that she was going abroad to further her studies and might not return. He felt happy for her.

Months later, he received a letter from her. The contents clearly stated her feelings for him and told of how she applied to go abroad just to forget him, and wished him all the best. It was then, he realised that he actually missed her alot and had already fallen for her unknowingly. He too, had been lying to himself, not wanting to admit the fact that he really cares about her. He broke up with the girl and waited for her to come back...

Time flew by, it was 2 years since her departure.

"DingDong..." the doorbell rang. He rushed to open the door, thinking it was probably a salesman, only to find her standing outside.

"Hi... I just got off the plane and popped by to see how you're doing" She smiled and said. Surprised, he invited her in and as they sat down, he blurted out everything he had hidden since she left.

"All those time, I've been deceiving myself... I was afraid that you would not accept me and our friendship would be deeply affected... after i read your letter, I regretted not telling you how I feel then... will you.... i mean.. will you give me a second chance??"

*Silence*

And then, she dropped the bombshell on him.

".....well.. I er.. I'm sorry.. I'm engaged.. It's too late.." she answered. He felt his heart breaking into million pieces.

"Oh... okay.. I'm sorry... I guess I came too late... well.. we're still good friends, right??" He smiled and said, hiding his agony. He knew he stood no more chance but as long as she was happy, he was contented.

THE END

edited at 7.06pm, 17 may 2005
ps: the stupid blog erased my previous perfect ending.. this is juz an improvised ending.. wadevaz... pardon for the inconvenience caused =P

Flag Day..

2005-04-24T06:26:00.000+08:00

today's flag day.. the 'team' all wore class tee... hahaz.. met ziwei at khatib.. she came earli.. hahaz.. well.. den after tt.. at amk saw daphne n cherlyn.. den took the train to toa payoh together.. reached le... saw alot of ppl dere.. den we stood by the side.. and waited for more people to come.. after tt flag day officially started... we walked around.. onli huiyuan gt donations.. the rest of us juz gt our own coins.. hahaz.. after tt.. hungry le.. den we all headed for delifrance.. den ate dere.. while waiting for allena they all.. but they went to the wrong delifrance.. ltr on they cum le.. den cindy goh n audrey also came.. den started chit chatting... after tt we left n went to walk... dere was alot of ppl maz... alot of students gt flag day.. girl guides also.. den wherever we walked.. see alot of ppl with the St. Luke's sticker... den after tt.. went popular.. den everybody started looking for books... they saw tis book bout jolin tsai with english translation.. n commented on it.. den they go find bout horoscope de.. they saw tis book bout chinese names de.. den started looking for their names.. after tt... found books bout the horoscope ting.. ltr on.. we went to return de bags... den went separate ways.. cherlyn, daphne n ziwei to k-box, huiyuan following them cos waiting for her fren.. den cindy goh, audrey n me went mrt station.. tink they going orchard.. while me.. went to cck to meet ji en..

reached dere... earli.. den ji en called to say he'll be late.. din noe when he arrived.. juz told him to go library look for me.. (my fav place).. was in my own world.. den was msging him.. saying he very slow.. onli to have him reply "i'm here''... he was behind me all along.. i pretended not to notice... den walked behind a shelf to appear the other side.. knowing he would walk tt way.. hahaz.. still same face structure.. same hairstyle.. with same sense of humour.. if not.. worse.. n we walked around.. he was deciding where to eat.. finally settled for macdonalds.. tempted me with sundae.. fine.. ate half n left him to finish the rest... den saw this lady giving out the balloons.. was joking with him bout wanting one.. wth.... he asked me wat colour.. n i kept saying i was joking.. how wld i noe.. he ended up asking for a pink balloon!?!? omg.. i'm like: shit... wat on earth is he trying to do!?!? damn.. n the lady was like stunned.. den ppl were looking.. n the lady said: oh.. for her arhz.. nvr have i felt so embarrassed b4.. wth... i told him i'm not having ath to do with tt balloon.. n he 'scolded' me.. people were still looking.. i'm so throughly embarrassed... my face felt hot.. damn.. after tt he argued with me.. ending with me taking the balloon.. stupid...
on the mrt to toa payoh... ppl looked at me like i'm queer.. shuckz.. i'm like.. some toddler btr cum along so tt i can give it away..

reached toa payoh.. ziwei they all left le.. den went foodcourt find gary they all.. they saw the balloon.. daniel started saying the person muz have thot i'm a little gal.. so gave the balloon to me.. wtf... arghz.. den he started saying all those stuff againz.. felt my tears welling up.. n i juz walked off.. walked one round.. found tis little gal n gave her the balloon.. phew... ltr on.. met up with them againz.. den they went toilet maz.. u expect me go with them mehz.. so walked off.. decided to go popular.. den daniel asked where i was.. din reveal... ltr on.. saw him cuming up the stairs.. went down.. den went to mrt station.. juz felt so.. nvm.. y they keep tinking i like him?!?! (not talking bout daniel..*roll eyes* )arghz.. saw allena n siew ting.. boarded the train with them..

alighted at braddell n waited for daniel they all.. tears started dropping.. train came.. den boarded... din see them.. my head was hurting alot.. juz now at popular suddenly eth went black.. lucky i was holding on to sth.. sighz.. den called daniel asked where they were.. he said they were in the train.. den they came to find me.. after tt.. alighted at amk take 169 home.. din wan go home so early maz.. shrugz.. den daniel n patrick also take.. den started talking.. n daniel started saying crap againz.. ah.. wadevaz... pat went home.. daniel alighted at mrt station.. den i juz took bus until my stop.. den walked home..

i'm a gal with attitude n mood swings... tt's y i hate myself.. cos i dislike ppl with attitude.. tt's me.. adios..

SeNtEnCe: 祈祷今夜天空星星不熄灭，在心里约定到永远.... 单身的我，原本以为，可以一辈子不跟谁.. 只能默默的守候着你.. 因为我怕失去.. 不想再勇敢地去面对自己的感觉，不想承认我喜欢你... 所以就没说出我的感受... 但.. 这样做，会更好吗???

Unexpected call...

2005-04-17T02:10:00.000+08:00

ytd morning prepared to go to school... den mum told me last nite 11 plus a guy who claimed to be my fren called.. i was like.. huhz?? who wld call?? dotz.. looked at the caller ID.. unfamiliar no... shrugz.. den after tt waited for ziwei at khatib.. so long.. den stand dere with ah ben wait for her n wm.. den saw edlane in the train.. she 'da si dou bu deng' them.. hahaz.. den wm cum le.. ziwei late lorz.. was like.. fine.. den they win liao.. pang sei me.. den tt ziwei.. mrt juz left den she cum.. dotz.. den we went to sch together.. meet allena n daphne at sch gate.. den after tt assemble, took attendance le.. den our cls n 4E de took tis nice bus siaz.. the bottom is for ppl to slp de lorz.. hahaz.. i always see tt bus while waiting for 965 to cum maz.. so ya lorz.. den after tt.. reached dere le.. den all the usual crap.. bella n sihong were commentators.. hahaz.. den ltr... B gals de turn le.. den we cheered huiyuan.. after tt.. stood in the middle.. the horn sounded.. n we're off... but the few of us.. going to walk the whole way.. we had 'fun'.. hahaz.. commentin on others laz.. n talking lorz.. we walked so long.. the B guys ran past us.. not a single one of our cls guys did we see.. omg.. they all so fei.. hahaz.. oh well..

after jogathon.. left with ziwei they all.. den wanted to use the overhead bridge but they all changed their mind...den wanted take taxi.. den they decided on taking bus.. see whtr can bring us to nearest mrt station.. hahaz.. den after tt.. saw bella they all den we all waited together.. den saw the teachers... all pretend nvr see us.. hahaz.. after tt... we hitched a ride with 3 ladies.. sat behind in the van.. n they were saying we're so united.. hahaz.. dotz.. den we walked to the underpass... n bella they all ended up taking a taxi.. we went to the bus stop n took a bus to orchard.. quite a long way.. edlane, daphne, ziwei, cherlyn n i were like so noisy lorz.. hahaz.. saw johannes too.. after tt we alighted already..

den walked to cineleisure.. very hungry le.. den tt ziwei saw sly... dotz.. den she so... erm.. hahaz.. was like.. so hungry n wan go toilet lorz.. den we went 4th floor.. wm they all reached le maz.. hahaz.. den after tt we went to toilet.. ziwei even brought diff colour de hairbands lor... diaoz.. den they all go buy tix for pacifier.. den after tt.. wm n gang went to play pool maz.. den we went to eat.. saw bella n gang againz... gastric worked up le lorz.. tt ziwei... sighz.. nvm.. den she n cindy went off.. den the 4 of us.. hurried to ljs... hahaz.. so hungry maz.. den we keep talking... hahaz.. oh well.. den after tt... we went back to check if sly still dere.. lost.. hahaz.. ziwei say nvm.. den i left them n walked to taka... heavy rain maz.. diaoz lorz.. reached dere... onli to find out robin n gang at far east... so mad.. if not for robin's 'threat'... i wldnt have gone dere lorz.. so wan to punch him... arghz... den summre tt anonymous guy still wans me to play guessing game... n dun even wanna reveal who he is.. diaoz laz.. finally reached dere.. wet... n cold... *pout*.. nvm lorz.. den waited so long.... they still haven finish playing.. den so mad.. juz left.. arghz..

reached home.... den tt stupid anonymous guy still so irritating.. den told my mum he actually noes her name too.. den my mum said maybe last time de good fren.. den i was like.. onli two guys good fren maz.. dion n ji en.. but i still din noe who.. den after tt.. he called.. FINALLY... -_-"... well.. den i said i'll ignore him if he keep withholding his identity.. n he finally told me.. in a roundabout way.. how to spell 'pieces'??? wat?!!?!?!? y on earth... dotz.. den he said he rmbered he learnt it with me... frm my mum.. at my hse.. okiez.. he's weird.. i'm like.. i duno who u r.. i cant rmb ath of the past.. n he was like.. i'm ji en.. OMG!! n he's reason for calling was.. he had a dream... long story.. hahaz.. den we talked for around an hour till his phone went flat... hahaz.. i'm like... i totally 4gt to be upset n mad.. i din expect him to rmb me.. hahaz.. funnie.. the most coincidental ting we found out was tt we actually tink of each other once in awhile.. crapz.. n tt day.. syf.. he was dere too.. onli ting was he hadnt gt his dream yet... omg.. dotz... but i'm quite happi.. n i totally 4gt to be angry at robin.. hahaz... well.. after tt.. ji en (known as daniel now).... called.. n we chatted againz.. around another hour.. yaz... so much to catch up.. my mum said i talked so much for watz.. dotz.. hahaz.. nvm.. well.. we're planning to meet up for lunch one day... though the distance is very very far... jurong n yishun laz.. yaz.. shrugz... hahaz.. he's still as humourous as ever... hahaz... shrugz.. hmm.. well.. he looked kinda diff frm his photo... hahaz.. okiez... well.. shrugz.. tink i talked too much.. oopsie.. hehez.. okiez.. i'm outta here.... *wink*

nth impt to say..

2005-04-14T03:47:00.000+08:00

suffering frm writer's block now.. cant recall wat i wanna write at first.. dotz.. nvm.. shrugz.. boring.. i'm so sianz.. life's suddenli so boring.. i mean.. no more excitement like tt.. today excitement ovr le.. hahaz.. stupid xiao shuai ge haven cum online yet.. hahaz.. diaoz.. heard sth.. so mad.. arghz.. but i 4gt bout it le.. hahaz.. shrugz.. easy 4gt n 4give de.. unless u reali blardy bad.. go provoke me till very jia lat.. den u die lorz.. haahz.. now trying to figure out how to ask sth.. shrugz.. so funny.. today damn funny.. cant say much laz.. sianz..

ytd had fever.. woke at 645.. so nvr msg phy tell her dun wait for me.. shrugz.. she always nvr repli me msgs de.. sighz.. duno laz.. den at home slp so many hours.. den found out gary nvr go sch.. hahaz.. hi^5 pal.. hehez.. well.. den after tt.. eat food all bland.. no taste de.. yuckz.. sighz.. pig.. nvm.. i sianz le.. sighz.. den went to slp againz.. after tt waited for ppl to cum online to tell me wat happen in sch.. den after tt go slp AGAINz.. duno.. feel so weak.. den very dizzy too... hahaz.. den after tt.. nite time.. onana darling called.. ask me okiez anot.. hahaz.. den talk talk den she go eat le lorz.. shrugz.. wadevaz... sianz.. wondering if phy changed hp no. le.. *tinking*...

paranoid baz..... duno... sighz..

day b 4 sth unhappi happened.. dun wanna say le.. juz.. glad it's ovr baz.. shrugz.. sorta ovr.. sighz..

now doing lit proj.. looking thru the whole book looking for stuff on viola.. duno how to compare lehz.. sighz.. gtg le.. update another time baz.. shrugz...

April Fool's Day..

2005-04-02T03:02:00.000+08:00

in the morning... 7 gt choir meeting... den was like so little ppl.. dotz.. den talk talk talk.. shrugz.. den after tt assembly.. den announcement say wat principal wan see all of us choir ppl.. den after tt go dere she not dere.. mrs wong talked to us.. dotz.. ytd like tt also lorz.. hmmphz.. hahaaz.. well... den already chi lesson le... lucky asked mingli to help me take geog go.. sighz.. but i also read for the first few minutes onli.. den when gl came in.. cj also turned around.. den daphne also.. den we all play the number game tingy.. new game.. hahaz.. gl keep being the last one.. b4 tt.. hk was showing me the neoprints.. reali look like she wan die le maz.. hahaz..*oopsie*.. den cj asked me if me n ys gt take anot.. he wan see.. i was like.. straightaway.. lifted my notes up to block his face out.. sighz.. i dun feel like saying much to cj.. apparently.. telling him ath means telling almost everybody in the cls.. esp guys.. sighz.. i still feel.. duno laz.. den go back cls tt idiotic kenneth say gt msg inside his book.. den he ask me open.. i noe sure sth up de.. hahaz.. den opened the book cautiously.. hahaz.. guess watz.. a big fake bug inside.. he was like so bu gan xing.. how cum i nvr gt tricked.. hahaz.. bleahz...

today was like so dotz laz.. performed during assembly.. dotz... den nvm.. lucky it was alrite.. phew.. heave a sigh of relief.. juz very scared bout monday.. the actual ting u noe.. howz??? muz keep calm... after tt kailing darling asked me wan go eat anot.. den cos at first asked allena darling maz but she duno wan go home or watz.. so yaz.. den after tt told kailing they all wait for me at canteen n see how laz.. den allena say going home.. den i still go find mr tan maz.. den find until like very long le.. thot kailing they all go liaoz so like tt lor... sighz.. den asked phy... asked hoiki.. all gt cca... den walked to endurance asked gl n gang.. today robin bday maz.. den they say nite time den go out.. they all going home first.. arghz.. *pout*..

after tt ziwei asked me wan go town anot..called mum asked... den mum scolded me.. say sick still tink of going out.. dotz.. oh well.. after tt walked to traffic lite... den someone shouted my name.. omg.. they were outside lorz.. i thot they left le.. so paisei.. they waited for me so long.. sighz.. den in the end went j8 with them lorz.. b4 tt was in the mrt with ziwei n daphne.. kailing they all at the other side.. den tt ziwei keep saying i like a walking corpse.. like anytime will do sth crazy like tt... not like my usual self... is it?? duno lehz.. oh well..

so 6 gals in mcdonald's at j8.. kailing, constance, jill, carolyn, andrina n me.. with kailing.. obviousli darn noisy.. hahaz.. she today darn high lorz.. at first not tt happie de.. den end up laughing almost all the time.. we so noisy lorz.. public nuisance.. all kailing's fault.. hahaz.. den laughed until stomach ached lorz.. keep hearing them talk so much.. after awhile.. cldnt laugh anymre... den listen to them talk.. sighz... onli sec4 dere lehz.. so kinda like.. left out laz.. i mean all sec3s.. hahaz.. they talk bout their clsmates or wadeva.. juz listen lorz.. hahaz.. i very out of touch maz.. dotz.. well.. after tt they went to ice lemon tee... kailing bought a bag.. den after tt they all started asking the da jie da - kailing, to try caps.. hahaz.. shrugz.. den after tt we went to take neoprints.. hahaz.. tt kailing gt 5 20 cents maz.. den the lady dun wan let her change.. say they dun accept coins maz.. den she also not gan xin den keep insisting.. in the end she changed with one of the customers... hahaz.. den she so happi.. she go tell the person.. den we were likez.. omg.. hahaz.. duno her siaz.. well.. den we had $10 le maz.. but at first chose a $9 machine.. den kailing kept saying n saying tt we should choose a $10 de cos she hao bu rong yi got tt $1... den we took another one.. hahaz.. welll.. quite a fun day.. shrugz.. all cos of them.. hahaz.. den reached home around 5 like tt..

all in all... fine day.. now jiale also say i like sian sian like tt.. maybe cos i'm sick?? or juz.. not feeling good?? duno laz.. oh well.. tml still gt choir... den after tt muz rush to piano lesson.. dotz... well.. buaiz..

Sick n tired...

2005-03-30T17:15:00.000+08:00

sick n tired of my damn blardy stupid life.. sick n tired of my stupid self.. hate myself.. i sux... sick n tired of being able to eat plain stuff onli.. all becos of a stupid diarrhea tt still wun go away.. causing me to be stranded at home.. cant slp... cant eat... cant rest... stupid tuition tonite.. stupid tutor who always changes time.. day.. wadevaz.. all becos of her stupid schedule... stupid eth.. sucker...

2005-03-21T01:27:00.000+08:00

Is it reali over???

dunno... went back to cokie... but now tinking perhaps i was rite to have chosen pepsi still... sighz.. so messed up.. hmm... why do i have to lose sth b4 i can gain sth else??? why do i feel guilty?? y do i feel so bad... y do i still.. arghz... trash... box myself.. punch.. smack.. slap.. pinch..torture.. pig me.. stupid.. idiot.. asshole... dumb.. why m i feeling so bad???????? *pout*.....

2005-03-18T20:53:00.000+08:00

I chose Pepsi..

guess wat... i did sth much stupider le.. sillier.. dumber... sighz.. oh well.. cannot turn back time.. wat can i do??? din slp.. cried the whole nite thru.. all becos of me... all becos of me.. eth's my fault.. it's all mine.. now he's gone.. sighz.. coke will dissolve bones.. changed to pepsi.. though dere's no diff.. onli the taste is btr.. of cos.. chrysanthemun's not bad but i still like pepsi best.. but dad keeps buying root beer.. end up i keep drinking coke or chrysanthemun.. but now.. i decided to drink plain water.. but if i'm outside.. i'm choosing pepsi..

as to why i'm talking bout tis.. is cos dere's double meaning.. pepsi happens to represent the route i chose.. it took me alot of courage to decide on tis.. ltr going to play bb.. see too hot anot.. if so den go arcade bash tings up... din do hmk except maths stuff.. now hmk piling up n sch's starting on mon.. dc lorz.. i've no mood to do hmk anymre.. cried too much.. headache also.. trying to kill myself.. but decided against it.. i've decided to torture myself by living.. in punishment... be wat's tt word?? oh... spinster i tink.. lao wu po... for the rest of my life... din have any other choice.. juz din wan to hurt anyone anymre.. resolved to isolation.. but i'm not sure i can.. trying.. on monday.. perhaps.. i'll start... going to..

no mood to laugh anymre.. onli feel like hurting myself.. n the onli ting i'm best at doing - crying...

2005-03-17T04:09:00.000+08:00

did sth very bad n wrong.. hurt two most impt ppl in my life.. now i'm the goner...

2005-03-02T05:00:00.000+08:00

Sensitive...

well.. today not reali very pleasant.. wat with the sad ting tt i received ytd.. news*.. welll.. o' level chi gt B3... sadded.. sighz.. now me n hk trying to 'appeal' to take hcl againz.. sighz..

well. today the notice board saw them put 130.. so came out.. onli to have yt tell me it's not approved.. but me n jon was like.. heck it.. den we went to choir room den saw mrs wong n a few choir members.. hahaz.. den we all go call the others out..:P... hmm.. den ate le den go change... shirley was like very firm in not going to tt 'unclean' toilet.. hahaz.. well.. so like tt lorz.. den change le.. den after tt took in n took out choir gowns for the sec 1s... arghz.. troublesome peeps.. =P.. well.. den was told to lock the choir room.. was like the CO's holding area maz.. den i keep opening closing until i damn fed up.. i sat dere n waited.. den he came in.. keep telling me to pass him keys n go for rehearsal.. after tt gt ms chung to help take care.. after tt... sing le.. den went to seminar room.. den sang songs.. with hannah n chia hui.. hahaz.. long time nvr sing with them le... miss them.. n their lovely voices.. the guidance they've given us.. *filled with gratitude*.. well like tt lorz.. den we went to change but was told to go hall.. den seokhui they all came out againz.. so followed.. den we nvr went back to hall le.. juz sat dere play with nicholas' hp.. den he came in.. after tt he juz went out.. i wanted so badly to go out after him.. but i din see him walk to the stairs.. so assumed he went to the hall.. duno.. den after tt.. we can go home le.. thot he'll wait for me as usual.. but he din today.. he juz left.. i thot he went out or watz.. but he nvr came back.... i was juz so.. stunned.. i took it for granted... sighz.. sadded.. well.. den after tt.. waited for hannah, andrina they all... like tt lorz.. sighz.. den andrina asked me where's he.. i said i duno.. i thot he was mad at me.. i duno y but i had the feeling he was pissed bout sth.. duno.. den nvm.. den after tt wun leave tt time, constance asked me the same qn.. i was holding back my tears.. lucky dere wasnt a third time.. i juz seemed so lost.. no one to 'guide' me home.. sighz... well cant help it..

*slap*

p today like not shuang me like tt.. she suddenly became another person.. someone who hates me alot.. shrugz...

*slap*

i din see her as a rival.. y does she always look at me in a disgusted way.. as if i did sth she disapproved.. who's she to do tt?? i shld be the one.. hmmph... she's the one making me paranoid now.. though i shldnt take her as much of a threat.. WAT M I TINKING!!!!!?????

*slap*

i tink i said the wrong tings to hannah.. duno.. she seem like not shuang... xinying also.. shrugz.. duno.. duno duno duno..!!!

*slap*

I DESPISE MYSELF!!!!!

You hate not to love but you hate to fall in love.
You can't help but sigh when you see to people
kiss in the park and all. You don't like to go
over board and believe in a small steady
relationship at first so that it can grow. You
also like to think that you can have that kiss
that puts you into a portal and you can't get
back until he/she stops.

How much do you love? GOOD PICS
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2005-02-25T05:53:00.000+08:00

Me the sucker...

hmm.. lateli duno why mood swing so li hai.. sighz.. first duno why dui marshals very fan gan.. 'marshals'.. but actually only him de att.. sighz.. den i quarrel until very xiong.. so now wan salvage also cant le.. i reali nutz ritez?? my kor n i.. sighz.. den nvm.. another kor.. he's so much mre closer to me lorz.. n yet i also dun understand y i cant stand his att also.. muz be i gt att prob.. den tink until ppl gt prob like tt.. i reali ki siao siaz.. den b4 tt.. hmm.. perhaps is cos of tt?? i duno.. sighz.. b4 tt.. my ex-kor say he dun wan talk to me.. den i actually so hurt n sad until i cried.. sighz.. the latter 2 i also cry.. so jia lat.. i siao.. i reali duno lorz..

today.. stomach cramp until very jia lat.. but i still cum sch.. den if i had gone n sang the sch song with joyce, i wldnt have been in the performing arts room waiting for the runner cum call us.. den wun have been so mad.. sighz.. last nite.. daddy stress frm work.. den took cane hit all of us.. one big long red mark on my thigh.. hahaz.. oh well.. heck him laz.. hmm..

went to lao di fang today.. n sat dere... den started tearing.. den i started sobbing... eventually i cried out.. n kept scolding myself.. sighz.. punching my fists against the wall.. sighz.. den i wiped my face and i went out to assemble with them.. den cherie asked me if i'm okie anot.. i cldnt control.. n i din wan them to tink i was attracting attention.. i juz told her i'm going to the bathroom.. n i went all the way to the library one n locked myself in the cubicle and kept on hitting.. dumb baz.. but tt was the onli way i cld vent my frustrations.. sighz.. after tt walked back.. ghislaine saw me.. den she asked me i okie anot.. i've not spoken a word since the incident in the music room.. after tt i went to the stairs at the music room.. i ignored people.. though they kept asking me if i'm okie.. well.. i'm anti-social den.. sighz.. den he came.. while i was hitting my hands.. n...

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now okiez le.. quite fine... but still very sad bout all tt's happened.. frenz 4eva?? will there ever be anyone like tt?? for me??? sighz.. i duno.. still considering resigning.. i duno.. sighz.. dun wanna indulge anymre specific details.. i juz say vaguely baz.. sighz.. now feel like crying againz... =(

2005-02-14T06:30:00.000+08:00

Chinese New Year...

Eve:

Had to perform... for chinese new year celebrations.. nervous wreck...cldnt make it... den i had to do an impromptu.. den embarrassed like shit.. gosh.. den nvm.. after tt.. i had to stand at the center of the stage as i was the first to sing.. damn.. furthermore.. the PA din play the music yet.. n i stood dere like a fool... when the music started... i practically sang out of pitch which i blived i actually did.. n i was shaking all over.. so scared.. n when Cheyenne and Jill came out.. they sang the wrong verses... hahaz.. so we juz continued.. hahaz.. and wat we've discussed to do.. we 4gt eth.. hahaz.. so funny.. i was still shaking when i left the hall.. so sia suay.. it was a total disaster to me.. becos i've caused it.. damn me.. hmmphz.. oh well.. back in cls... bella n gang told me they were cheering for me but i din see them.. they were kinda 'mad'.. hahaz.. but i'm grateful for having such frenz.. haahz.. even ziwei wanted to.. onana also.. but they shy.. hahaz.. sobz.. touched.. hehez.. well.. the whole day gt comments on my skirt.. apparently.. duh.. i mean.. my skirt is damn short laz.. hahaz.. regretted wearing it.. but oh well.. shrugz.. hahaz.. den after tt went back Peixin with ziwei, rachel, viv n ml... was like.. hahaz.. so dotz.. den they also dun wanna see joy... neither wanna meet her.. cos gt comments bout her.. alot.. bad de.. well.. this time alot of ppl go back.. haahz.. den mrs goh like the onli teacher left for us to see.. hehez.. she had to wait for us summre.. hahaz.. sadded.. hmm.. well.. the guys went back... den saw ppl play soccer they also join... ashika also wanted to play den she went... she suddenly becum so ladylike tt she seems so diff to me.. hahaz.. wadeva.. hmm.. quite okiez lorz.. but sadded i had to leave first.. den nvm lorz.. go home liaoz cos mum said wan pray at tt time.. end up 3 hrs ltr den pray lorz.. kaoz.. i cld have gone out with my frenz for tt 3 hrs lorz.. hmmphz.. oh well..

Day 1:

went to the temple first to pray.. den we headed for my 3rd gr8 aunt's hse.. hahaz.. well.. yeahz.. went to amk dere de columnbarium (???)..den went to ppl's park deree.. my 1st gr8 aunt's hse.. den went to bedok.. my mum's side de relatives.. the lao da jie side.. hahaz.. well.. yupz.. den after tt went to my da gu's hse.. hahaz... dad's eldest sis... hahaz.. played PS2.. final fantasy X-2.. sianz.. oh well.. den tt idiot ed came... so he took ovr lorz.. kept laughing at me.. hmmphz.. but honestly.. i'm much closer to him n nic.. hahaz.. den nic called frm overseas.. hehez.. den i suan him.. ahahz.. poor ed.. din gt to talk to his darling cousin.. hahaz..wadevaz.. den left tt time.. the sky's so nice... damn nice lorz.. how i wish i live dere.. hahaz.. den can see... orion's belt.. so nice.. wanted to take a photo of it.. but so dark n far.. impossible.. hahaz.. oh well... 11plus...

Day 2:

went to aunt's hse.. den ate dere.. hehez.. den after tt went to uncle's hse... den played PS2 againz.. hahaz.. den nvm lorz.. the parents all go out.. den left me n sisters with two bao gongs...hahaz.. eugene n kelvin.. hahaz.. well.. ate pizza... n kfc.. hehez.. den we left for uncle's hse.. dad's side.. so cute my dear tang di.. hehez... well.. den borrowed lotsa vcds home.. hehez... lalaz.. den went to ah gim's hse... hahaz.. wanna slp liaoz.. so tired le.. den played blackjack... hahaz.. den win money.. not alot.. small bets... cos all dere younger than me maz.. hahaz.. sianz.. reached home.. tired... worned out... 11 plus...

Day 3:

went to sch in the morning maz.. din noe let off earli.. hahaz.. den sch ending tt time.. gt fire drill.. so let us off gt purpose de.. hahaz.. well.. after tt.. waited for our personal pigeon holes.. den went northpoint shopping with phy.. hahaz.. not reali shop laz.. juz go buy sth.. shant reveal much.. it's not much though.. sobz.. den after tt rushed home... bathe.. den went out to relative's hse againz.. my aunt's hse.. alot of aunts so dun tink it's the same... (lame)... juz tt i dun wanna reveal names.. =P... well.. den my sis played PS2 againz.. -_-"... b4 tt... we meddled with the mahjong tiles.. hahaz.. so end up they cldnt play.. hehez.. yupz.. den my cousins as usual.. gt lamed by me.. hahaz.. well.. stayed dere watch the last episode of the channel 8 show den left... reached home around 11 plus... going to 12.. ahahz... den slpt lorz.. hahaz...

Day 4:

ytd... at first gt tuition de.. den postponed to nxt wed.. haahz.. cos tutor also hse visiting maz.. den we went to neighbour's hse... i mean my mum n sisters went.. me n my dad lazed at home.. hahaz.. den nvm.. went to mum's fren's hse at sembawang... ate her 'zi bao ji'.. quite nice.. so yupz.. den we went to my ex nanny's hse at admiralty... she gt those steamboat with 'teppanyaki' maz.. etime i go i eat tt.. cos she noes i like to eat tt.. hahaz.. touched.. den ate alot.. after tt... went to mum's ex clsmate's hse.. hahaz.. den the youngest child was so grouchy.. hahaz.. we left tt time he cried very loud summre.. hahaz.. den went to uncle's hse.. mum's side de... dere juz in time for the lion dance.. hahaz.. after tt.. we 'lao yu sheng'.. den ate steamboat.. charcoal de.. hahaz.. not electrical.. hahaz.. yupz.. den watched 'huan zhu ge ge'... den they all cum to my hse.. so we had a tough day.. hahaz.. den they 12 den leave... me n sisters so tired tt we fell aslp.. hahaz.. at 1.. hahaz.. oh well..

Day 5:

today.. cldnt wake up.. dad forced me up.. ahhaz.. no laz... well.. hectic day also... mum n dad cooked... cos moi frens cuming maz.. thnks.. hahaz.. den gt call frm wm.. telling me he, cj n jl were lost.. at chong pang lorz.. they overshot.. ahhaz.. had to go escort them back.. made them walk... hahaz.. hehez.. den after tt... they 12 plus need leave go watch dumb movie.. den reached my hse like 12 liaoz lorz.. hmmphz.. so bad.. den after tt... ziwei say they reached liaoz.. so went to the corridor instruct them come up.. ahahz.. den they all so.. duno laz.. hahaz.. den nvm... eat eat eat.. ahahz.. laugh laugh laugh also.. hahaz.. den sis fren came.. so yupz.. den they all had to leave at 1 plus cos meeting daphne to go cher's hse.. left allena.. cos she meeting adel at khatib at 250... no need go so earli.. so pei me.. den we two played with sis frens.. den after tt she left... pei her walk to lift.. hahaz.. den see her cross road den i go back.. ahahz.. den so tired liaoz.. sis frenz stayed until 7... i watched AVP in the meantime lorz.. quite boring.. not scary enuff... hahaz.. so rite now.. typing this stuff.. juz watched finish the 'huan zhu ge ge' last episode.. so touching.. cried.. sighz.. ate.. den now gtg orh orh liaoz.. tml got sch summre.. sianz.. sighz.. felt like hols but not lorz.. sadded.. wish i can grow up faster.. to a 100% adult.. now juz a teen.. still need study.. sick n tired.. sighz.. oh well.. cyaz...

2005-01-22T04:11:00.000+08:00

Do You Know How Important You Are To Me???

I know you probably wonder from time to time what you mean to me.

So I'd like to share this thought with you, to tell you that you mean the world to me...

Do you know how important you are to me?

Think of something you couldn't live without...
and multiply it by a hundred.

Think of what happiness means to you...
and add it to the feeling you get on the best days you've ever had.

Add up all your best feelings and take away all the rest...
and what you're left with is exactly how I feel about you.

You matter more to me than you can imagine and much more than I'll ever be able to explain.

2005-01-20T03:53:00.000+08:00

F***...

i'm a failure... i can nvr do ath ritez.... i'm hopeless.. pathetic...

results- like shit..... passed onli 3 subj.... fail very badly...

life- ending soon... stress out... hopeless... eth also do wrong...

frenz- nobody seems to like me.... cos my att sux n myself too...

altos- all so sian.. tired... i noe.. but wan help them to get thru the audition... hard... i noe... blow up today.. horrid me ritez??? guess all pissed off le... seokhui makes a gd sectional leader though... not bad.. audrey too... all so gd.. my pitching is lousy..... my teaching is lousy... nobody wanna listen to me... cos i sux...

feeling- cant wait to die..... no pt living.. i can nvr make it in the world.. yeah.. i'm not an accident... i'm special... ha.. ha.... ha... very funny... tt's wrong.. i'm by accident and i'm special cos i sux.... sad... stressed out.. pissed.... fuck....

today- saddening... hopeless.. dejected.... sux.... like hell... horrid.. terrible.. disastrous....

nothing else to say

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